


The Definition of Family

by DeepLittleSOB



Series: Lizzy-verse [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Death, Drunkenness, F/M, Family Loss, Going to Hell, Kidnapping, Love/Hate, Lucid Dreaming, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-03-18 02:48:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 86,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3553247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeepLittleSOB/pseuds/DeepLittleSOB
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Damn it, Dean! Open the fucking door!"<br/>Hearing her voice makes Dean move faster. The fear in it alarms him too much to not rush to her.<br/>He unlatches the chain and turns the knob. Yanking the door open swiftly, Dean and Lizzy come face to face with each other for the first time in what seems like an eternity.</p><p>This is the third story in my series.  It is much darker and much harder on the emotions than my previous work.  I think this was the first time I realized I could actually be pretty decent at this writing thing so I'm proud of this one.  I hope you read it and can agree.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. She's Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the third story in my series.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing of the Supernatural world. I am just playing in their sandbox.

 

* * *

"She's on her way there."

If he'd been mid-sip of his now cold coffee sitting in a mug on the worn motel table he'd have done one of those terrible movie spit takes with the shock. Instead, Dean's stomach immediately drops to his feet like a rock. "Bobby, what do you mean she's on her way here?" he asks with hesitation, cell phone pressed to his ear as his heart races. He prays it isn't true.

"I mean she's hightailing it to you right now."

"Why the hell would she be doing that!?" Dean starts to panic a bit as he sits back in his rickety chair and washes a hand down his face with frustration.

"She called me in a frenzy, wasn't making a whole lotta sense. Didn't sound too stable neither. She wouldn't tell me what's wrong not matter how many times I asked."

"That doesn't sound like her." Dean closes the laptop in front of him and squeezes his eyelids shut. He'll have to come back to the how-to-save-your-soul-from-a-hell-deal research at a later time. Not like he plans on finding some miraculous answer on a random website anyways. He's grasping at straws at this point.

"No it doesn't. All I could get outta her was that she needed to know where _you_ were."

"She actually wants to see me?" Dean disbelieves.

"Well, I never said she _wanted_ to see you," Bobby clarifies. "She just said she needed to."

"So you told L how to find us!?" Dean starts to get all kinds of freaked out by the news. "Damn it, Bobby!"

"Don't yell at me, boy! It was the only thing I could do," he explains with clear defeat. "Something is seriously wrong, Dean. Lizzy doesn't lose her cool like this. Ever." Bobby sighs heavily. "I think she was alone."

"Shit," Dean sits up a little taller with the unsettling news. "Lou wasn't with her?"

"Didn't sound like it."

"Damn it," Dean grumbles again, hunching his back. Lizzy and Lou were far more than hunting partners. They were practically sisters at this point. They were inseparable and the whole hunting community knew that.

"She's coming from Oklahoma City so expect her your way in about five hours, give or take. She's gonna be irrational at best if our conversation is any indication so tread lightly."

"Thanks for the heads up," Dean laments heavily. He's not ready for this. Even with five hours heads up he could never be ready to see her again. He just hoped to never see her again.

"Look, I know the clocks a-ticking for you, boy, and I know things between you and Liz ain't been too pleasant… but she needs you right now. I think that's pretty damn clear."

"Yeah, I hear ya," Dean assures, feeling like the shit just keeps piling on with no end.

"Do you?" Bobby checks, a little warning in his voice.

"I get it, alright?" Dean gets offended.

"Good. Call me back once she arrives and let me know what's going on. I'm worried about those two."

"I will, Bobby."

Dean snaps his cell phone shut and stares down at it in his hand as it rests in his lap. He can feel his heart racing.

It's been over a year since they'd last seen each other. A whole year. He refused to speak to her, see her… hell, he wouldn't even email. He couldn't. When he cut ties with her he made it complete and immediate. She didn't need his shit and he certainly wasn't willing to ever drag her down with him… especially not now that he has an expiration date.

"Hey," Sam greets as he comes through the motel room door abruptly and breaks Dean out of his rambling, nervous thoughts. Sam drops a take-out bag onto the table in front of Dean. "Burger, extra onions, loaded fries. And don't worry. I didn't forget the pie this time." Sam smiles at his brother. He'd forgotten Dean's dessert last week and he hasn't stopped hearing about it since. He definitely remembered it this time. Often Sam's found it easier to give in to his brother's smaller vices than to deal with his childish whining in the aftermath.

"Thanks, Sammy." Dean's downtrodden response concerns Sam immediately. His brother's eyes are set on the cell phone still in his hand and they remain there as he acknowledges him.

"Uh, okay…" Sam makes a face of concern as he slips his arms out of his jacket and drops it on the far bed. "Usually you're a little more… puppy-with-a-treat over food than that…."

"Yeah…" Dean's far away voice answers, still not looking up.

"Dean?" Sam gives up. "What's going on, man?"

"Bobby called a minute ago." He places his phone on the table and finally meets Sam's eyes. "Told me _Lizzy's_ on her way here."

"Lizzy!?" Sam asks with pure shock. They haven't seen her in more than a year. Sam had always assumed that with the way Dean so poorly handled things between the two of them they'd seen the last of her.

"Yup."

"Why's Lizzy coming _here_?"

"Don't know. He told me she called him in a panic and demanded to know where we were. Said she'll be here in five hours, so… by three AM," Dean explains what he knows while checking his watch. He then rubs his eyes tiredly with the new realization that he's going to see Lizzy within hours.

"Um, okay…" Sam begins while slowly taking a seat on the edge of the bed nearest Dean. "What do you think this is all about?"

"She wouldn't say. Bobby just told me she sounded irrational at best and real panicky." Dean pauses before revealing the most disturbing detail. "He told me he thinks she's alone." It's even more terrifying to say it out loud than to just think it.

" _What_?" The worried, truly fear-filled word leaves his lips before he could stop it. Sam's eyes widen as he tries to process what this could mean. With his elbows propped on his knees, Sam leans down and runs his hands through his hair out of pure nerves. Lizzy was never alone, they both knew that. Lou was always with her. "Why the hell would she be alone?" Sam asks, despite being afraid to get the answer.

"Not sure I want to know," Dean quietly answers, eyes glued to his phone again. "She and Lou never leave each other's sides. Attached at the freakin' hip those two."

They sit in silence for some time while both let all the possible scenarios run through their minds. There's a solid ball of dread and terror growing larger by the second in Sam's chest now. Lizzy and Lou are so close. They've been best friends since childhood and are more like sisters than Dean and he are like brothers half the time. Lizzy would rather die than leave Lou's side so the idea of her traveling alone is more than daunting.

"You don't think something happened to Lou, do you?" Sam finally asks, desperate with all the unknowing. Neither wanted to say it out loud, but Sam finally asks the glaringly obvious question that had been hanging in the air. His face is long and riddled with worry as he looks over to Dean for an answer.

"No idea," Dean admits, leaning back in his chair and looking at the sheer concern on his little brother's face. "I mean, there's got to be something big going on to make Lizzy act crazy like this. Not like she'd ask for me unless it was an emergency. I mean, I highly doubt she's in any way wanting to see me right now."

"No shit," Sam agrees and lets out in a long sigh

"Sam, it might not be that. Maybe they got themselves into a situation they just really need our help with." Dean is trying to keep his little brother's mind open to other possibilities. They don't know anything for sure yet, even if it doesn't look too good. He begins trying to justify the situation for Sam's sake when he can see the fear all over him.

"They _have_ called us in the past when they've gotten themselves cornered," Sam rationalizes. "Could just be they got too deep into something this time." Sam's willing to buy this explanation for now if for no other reason than his own sanity.

"Definitely. We shouldn't make ourselves crazy with this until Lizzy gets here and we know what's up for sure," Dean stands up from his chair and grabs his leather coat. "We have a few hours to kill before she's here. I'm gonna head out and make a run. I think we're gonna need something to take the edge off."

Sam just nods quietly to agree. For once, Dean was right about that. They needed alcohol. Both of them.

* * *

 

A good four glasses of whiskey into his current binge and Dean still doesn't feel any better, just foggier. Waiting for Lizzy to arrive is torturous. His mind hasn't given him a moment of rest since he got off the phone with Bobby and the anticipation is eating at him bit by bit with every minute that agonizingly passes.

One year has gone by since he left her side and so much horrible shit has happened in that time. Hell is just waiting patiently for him to arrive, a fact that haunts him every second of ever damn day, and he has enough on his plate. Adding telling Lizzy about his deal with a demon felt impossible on top of everything else. So he just didn't. And now… well, here they are. An estranged mess of fear and probably hatred on her end. He can only assume she hates him now. That leaves a terrible ache in his chest but that's the bed he made himself.

And now he finds himself absolutely unprepared to cope with the consequences of his actions concerning her. What can he possibly say to make things right? _Can_ he ever make things right? Does he even _want_ to make things right? Lizzy is going to want answers as to why he's been so distant and he doesn't know what to tell her. One thing he knows for sure is that he isn't going to divulge his deadline. No way. He couldn't handle the distress it would put her through and he already has Sam and Bobby disappointed and brokenhearted. Two people looking at him with pure disappointment are already more than he can deal with.

The only problem is… he misses her all the time. _All_ the time. Cutting her off was the most difficult thing he's ever had to do. There wasn't a day that went by in which Lizzy hadn't found her way into his thoughts. Some nights he would lie in bed alone, close his eyes and try to remember her voice, the way she smelled, and the feel of her skin pressed against his. Nothing has been able to compare to that. Other girls came and went but they never filled that miserable void. He even went out of his way to go see Lisa right when he first made his deal, naively thinking a weekend in bed with her would help erase Lizzy at least a little. After seeing Lisa again, however, he knew it wouldn't work. Lisa wasn't the one he let get away like he had always thought beforehand. Now he knows the truth. Lizzy was the one who had gotten away… or the one he had forced away, really.

Dean snaps out of the deep train of thought he is immersed in when he hears the roar of what he recognizes as an old Mustang that has been very well taken care of. Beautiful sound, he thinks briefly before relaxes once more, hoping that his thoughts will ease up on him. They've been a tiring bombardment for hours.

After a few moments there are several rapid knocks at the door. Sam jerks his head around to Dean who has his own eyes fixed on the entrance, wide and fearful. It's only a little after two in the morning, a whole hour before they expected her.

Neither move at first, too terrified about what could possibly be dropped on them the second that door opens, but when the knocks become pounds Dean is set into motion and gets up off his bed.

_Damn it, Dean! Open the fucking door!_

Hearing her voice makes Dean move faster. The fear in it alarms him too much to not rush to her.

He unlatches the chain and turns the knob. Yanking the door open swiftly, Dean and Lizzy come face to face with each other for the first time in what seems like an eternity.

He's in full blown panic mode instantly when he takes in the sight standing before him. Her barely open left eye that is swollen and stained by a deep purple bruise is what he recognizes first. He was expecting bright, warm brown eyes. He can't even see the brown irises of one. Moving his eyes over the rest of her he observes the still bleeding deep gash across her chin, her disheveled and torn clothing, and the large amount of dried, deep crimson blood smearing her face, arms, everything, the way she's leaning slightly to the right… she's been pummeled.

Dean opens his mouth to ask her if she's okay, or to ask what happened, but she beats him to the punch.

"She's gone."

Inhaling sharply once, Dean doesn't know what to say after that. It's only two words said by the voice he hasn't heard in far too long but the words don't exactly make sense. And she says it matter-of-factly. It's devoid of emotion and therefore nothing like the Lizzy he knows.

"Lizzy, are you okay?" Dean decides to ask and reaches a hand out to her as he hears Sam get up and head to the doorway behind him. Her announcement doesn't fully register as he's still too focused on her deplorable state.

Lizzy inhales once before looking down at her feet. She doesn't move.

And then he can hear her erratic breathing. Dean places his hand on her shoulder tentatively. That's when she begins to shake. "Lizzy?"

"She's fucking gone," she cries out, back hunched as her knees start to give out. "Oh god. Dean, she's gone."

Dean quickly reaches out for her as she leans into him, stepping one foot forward. He puts his arms around her and she begins sobbing uncontrollably into his chest the second they make contact. She's weak and he can feel her weight being put more and more onto him as she falls deeper into her sorrow. He's never seen this vulnerable side of her and it frightens him to the bone.

"Sam," Dean looks to his brother for help but Sam is clearly lost in thought, tears threatening as he watches Lizzy weep. It's all become too real. "Sam!"

Sam breaks free of his thoughts and helps Dean get Lizzy to a bed. When they get her there Dean tries to put her down but her grip on him is unyielding so instead he takes a seat next to her. She clutches tightly to him, her hands circling his neck and gripping the collar of his flannel desperately. Her face is buried in the crook of his neck and he can feel her trembling as her body gives in to the loss. All he can do is sit there and hold her in his arms and hope it's enough to help. He pulls her legs across his lap and tugs her closer, chests flattening against one another until he's got her as tightly as he can. Without thinking, his hand hold the back of her head as she cries, his heart absolutely shattering for her the entire time.

Peering over her head, Dean catches Sam sitting shell-shocked into one of the kitchenette chairs in their motel room, watching the whole sad scene unfold. They lock eyes and read each other's minds. It is obvious now what had happened.

Sam shakes his head, not wanting to believe that they've lost yet another person. He stands, goes to the door in long, quick strides and leaves, shutting the door behind him with maybe too much force. He doesn't explain himself as his voice probably wouldn't work if he tried to use it anyways.

Dean doesn't blame him. Getting away sounded good right now as neither of them are very good within emotional situations. But he'd never leave Lizzy like this, not when she so clearly needs him even after the way he's treated her. Instead, he settles into the melancholy embrace and closes his eyes as she continues to grieve in his grip. He won't move for as long as she needs him. As much as he's tried to make it so, some things would never change. Lizzy's need for him is very clearly one of those things. And his need to be there for her surprisingly hasn't changed either.

* * *

 

It's brisk out now that the sun has gone down hours ago. During the day it gets comfortable in Texas mid-February but the night is still cold and Sam is already shivering as he starts to aimlessly walk. He has no planned route or set destination. All he knows is that getting out of that room was necessary. It was entirely too heavy and smothering to be in there.

Lou is dead. It feels like the thought is just running over and over again through his mind on a constant loop and it certainly doesn't feel real. He hadn't seen her very much in the past year but he'd kept in touch with her constantly, especially after that last hunt they shared. Barely a week went by without the two contacting each other and he had gotten used to sneaking calls to her when he couldn't sleep or when he would miraculously find some time to himself.

Letting Dean know that he'd kept up with Lou felt wrong so he'd never told him about it. Sure, Sam and Lou had something meaningful between them but it wasn't to the level of what Lizzy and Dean had. He was fully aware of what Dean was trying to do by cutting Lizzy out and he knew Dean would feel awkward and even more heartbroken knowing how often Sam heard from Lou… and now and then Lizzy herself. On many occasions Lizzy would take the phone from her friend when Sam would call, usually to make sure he and Dean were alive and well and, more likely than not, get an update on his brother. As of the past few months Lizzy finally stopped asking about Dean though. Sam had hope she was moving on.

Sam stumbles upon a small park during his aimless trip and sits on one of the old metal benches. The cool, smooth surface makes him shiver once more as he takes a seat. A jacket would have been smart but he wasn't thinking before he stormed out of the motel.

He spies the playground off to the right, noticing the cheerful colors and perfectly manicured landscaping. Sam recognizes just how fucked up it is that he finds himself in a place that is normally fun and happy for most people while he is feeling the exact opposite.

He and Lou were friends. Good friends, at this point. It was easy to talk to her and, thank God, she was nothing like Dean when it came to speaking. Lou may be a lot like Dean in most aspects but she had the ability to let Sam speak his mind. She was his outlet. The weekend he met Lou, he had divulged the still very fresh Madison nightmare to her and she had been unbelievably understanding and helpful. Since then, Lou listened to him when he was angry with his brother, when he wasn't able to help an innocent person, and when he spoke about Jessica. The only things he kept from her was Dean's date with damnation and his own demonic issues, though he'd almost spilled them a couple times out of sheer necessity.

And Sam had always listened to her, too. She and Lizzy had their share of problems, as would anyone who spent every single waking minute with one other person. Their issues paled in comparison to his brother and his of course, but he never complained or brushed her off. He always heard her out and gave his best advice. They ended up relying on each other more than either had ever planned on, especially considering he's still fairly sure that Lou's main goal when they'd first met was to make him more of a sex buddy than a friend. Mission accomplished, Lou. She somehow got him at ease enough to give in. And it was shockingly worth it.

But now that they were so much more than just fuck buddies… what does he do without her? It scares him. He doesn't want to be a person who bottles everything up in the unhealthiest way possible like his brother and father basically taught him to growing up but without Lou to open up to and with how bad everything around them has gotten, who can he go to?

A breeze rolls through and Sam gazes into the night sky. He lets the silent tears roll and makes no attempt to wipe them away. That familiar stab of loss, misery, and pain in his chest that he's felt so many times before is back again. How many times is he going to have to suffer through this in his lifetime?

He sits there for a long time, not really knowing what to do, and begins recalling the last time he actually saw Lou a few days after Christmas. She had called him to wish him a happy belated holiday and they discovered they were both in Michigan, less than a couple hours away from each other. It was just too coincidental so they took advantage. Sam snuck out that night once Dean was sufficiently passed out, Lou doing the same, and they met at a halfway point. It was so damn good to see her. They sat in the Impala hand in hand, listening to Christmas songs softly playing over the radio and catching up with each other. He'd never tell Dean what had eventually happened in the back seat of their car that night. The retaliation would be horrendous… but then again it would be well worth it. They had always worked well together, as Lou loved to constantly remind him, and that night proved her theory correct yet again. That time was different than the few others before it though. Lou left out her aggressive nature and instead of sheer fun there was something more, something meaningful between them. The deeper connection they'd built lent itself quite beautifully to the moment. They parted ways before dawn so that they could get back to their respective motels before Dean or Lizzy knew they were gone. It was their little secret.

Leaning down and covering his face with his hands, Sam sobs as the darkened night sky starts turning a light blue with the pending sun. Chalk it up to another casualty of the life they were brought up in. He wishes with all his might that he could have spared her. Lou was special, someone who cared about others with everything in her even if she hid that fact behind a tough, biting exterior and she actually figured out how to get through Sam's barriers. As the tears fall he wonders if he'll ever find that again and grows terrified that he won't.

* * *

 


	2. Sam Needs a Haircut

Dean finally thinks Lizzy is in a deep enough sleep to wriggle himself free of her grasp. She never said another word to him after arriving. Lizzy just sobbed uncontrollably until finally she was overcome by the need for rest. She's completely broken and exhausted and it's leaving him wondering what happened. Dean slowly unlatches her fists from his shirt and moves carefully until he's standing, not wanting to wake her. Clearly she was in desperate need for the peaceful reprieve that only sleep will give her in the moment.

Needing answers, Dean creeps quietly around the room. The only thing she came in with is that same tan leather bomber jacket she was never without. He'd helped her out of it the second he recognized the lethargy start to settle in and now it is in a heap on the floor. Picking it up, he takes a seat at the small table in their room and looks it over. There's blood on it, but no knife or bullet holes so that's good. He digs through her pockets and pulls out a few items; a crumpled wad of very little cash, a couple wrinkled receipts, one from a motel in Oklahoma City and two from gas stations along her journey, a set of keys, and a small silver pocket knife. Not much help there. He's left wondering about everything until she wakes and can tell him herself.

"No." The soft yet frightened voice comes from the still deep asleep woman and Dean is by her side instantly. Lizzy's face is twisted with distress and her body twitches as she goes through her nightmare, undoubtedly about whatever it is that brought her here. "No. Lou…."

Dean stokes her hair gently with his hand, doing his best to help sooth away her torment. Having been through several of Sam's nightmares, he knows how to handle them with ease. "It's ok, L," he whispers as softly as possible, not wanting to wake her. You never wake a nightmare having hunter unless you want a fist to the face, well-known fact. "I'm here. Lizzy, you're safe."

She jumps suddenly in her sleep and cries out.

Dean grabs her hand in his and tries again to calm her. "Lizzy, you're safe. Shh. Everything will be alright. I'm right here. Nothing can hurt you…."

As if she could hear him, her face relaxes slightly while he speaks to her and the jerking movements start to subside. He stays seated on the floor next to her sleeping form for a while longer, her hand in a vice grip on his, and he watches every movement and change in her expression until he's sure she'll be okay. Nightmares are one of the worst parts of the job, he and Sam both know that for sure, so he does what he can to keep her free from the added torment.

She eventually calms, her nightmare ending while she's still out, and her hand loosens on his. Still, he chooses not to let go as he looks at her. Even when battered, bruised, and nearly demolished emotionally, she's still something to behold, being so at peace and beautiful while resting. Seeing her made him realize just how badly he's missed her and needed her these past months. Looking so helpless now, he barely recognizes the usually larger than life woman before him though he understands as every hunter has their limit.

After some time Dean stands and grabs his phone. He makes his way to the motel door and carefully opens it, walks through, and closes it slowly behind him without making too much noise. He presses speed-dial number two the moment he's alone and listens as the line rings. Across the lot he sees Sam walking towards him. His brother appears to have taken the news exceptionally hard and Dean hopes the time away helped clear his head. He really needs Sam in a good place to be able help Lizzy though this whole thing. He can't do this on his own.

"Dean?" Bobby answers quickly.

"She's here, Bobby," Dean laments into the phone as he leans back into the front brick wall of their motel. It is early morning now, a few minutes before five, and the sky is pink behind Sam's tall frame.

"And Lou?"

"Not here. I'm not sure what happened, but all Lizzy said when she got here was 'She's gone.' She said it a couple times before crying for over an hour straight and passing out." Dean pauses to take a preparatory deep breath. "Lou's dead, Bobby. I think she's dead."

Sam reaches Dean's spot out front, having heard his words as he walked, and leans against the outside motel wall next to him, arms crossed and shoulders drooped. He listens and watches Dean through the conversation.

"You still there?" Dean asks after hearing a sigh followed by a long silence. Please, he thinks, don't be crying Bobby. He can't take any more of that.

"Yeah, I'm here," Bobby responds in a shaky voice while inhaling deeply and breathing out unsteadily. "You sure about this, Dean?"

"Pretty damn sure," Dean promises. "I've never seen her like this. And… what she said… I just know her well enough to know that she's a mess for good reason."

The very unsteady sigh from Bobby nearly kills Dean. "Where's Lizzy now?"

"Still sleeping. Cried until she passed out. She's in some seriously bad shape. Black eye, cuts and bruises everywhere, a lot of blood and her chin needs to be stitched. You have any idea what they were going after?"

"Lou had caught wind of a couple missing people in Oklahoma City. They told me they were gonna check it out. I tried to remind them of what happened the last time they decided to go after some missing people but of course…" Bobby pauses. "They didn't listen."

"When do they ever?" Dean complains, recalling all the times the stubborn women wouldn't listen to Bobby or anyone when they got determined. "Guess they had a run in with whatever it was they were after."

"Sounds like it. When she wakes up try an' find out what happened, but take it easy, son. Put yourself in her shoes. I believe you've been in this very place once before and made some rather stupid decisions. Luckily I don't think she's aware of crossroads demons. Otherwise I'd say tie her to a fucking chair."

"We'll do what we can. We might be here for a while, Bobby. I'll keep you posted." Dean waits a beat then asks, "You gonna be okay?"

Bobby takes a moment to answer that. "I'm always okay. You just make sure you help that girl anyway you can."

"We'll do what we can." Dean snaps the cellphone shut and Sam immediately starts asking questions.

"What happened? Does Bobby know?"

"Said they went looking into some missing persons in Oklahoma. That's pretty much all he knew."

"Damn it," Sam laments heavily, looking down at his boots. "Whatever did this is fucking dead."

"Absolutely," Dean wholeheartedly agrees.

"So we gotta figure this out. But asking Lizzy about what happened…."

"Awful, I know," Dean finishes the thought. "But we have to. Hopefully she'll understand."

"She should," Sam nods and when he looks up at Dean his big brother nearly loses it. Sam's face is long is dried tear streaks. His eyes are so sad Dean can't remember the last time he's looked this way.

"Sammy, you gonna be alight in there?" Dean has to check before going back inside.

Sam just looks out over the lot. "We gotta help Lizzy."

Taking it for what it was, a simple admittance that Sam's really not alright but doesn't want to talk about it, Dean opens the motel door. Sam follows close behind to go help check on Lizzy.

When they gets inside they see that Lizzy's awake, lying on her side and staring blankly at the curtained window across the room. She doesn't move nor blink when they come in, just stays in her somber world off in the distance.

Unsure of what to do at first, Dean takes his time in walking to her bed. He sits by her feet at the end of the mattress and places his hand lightly on her jean-clad calf. "How you feeling?" He keeps his voice quiet, unsure of how to begin this horrible conversation and how to comfort her now that she's collected herself a little.

"I don't know," she honestly answers, her voice choked and her tone lost. She still hasn't set eyes on either brother, choosing the green window curtains over eye contact.

"That's okay," Dean nods even though she isn't looking at him. He grips her leg slightly tighter to show he's here for her and she recoils, her leg pulling into herself to get away from his touch. Dean realizes she's just as mad at him as he'd hoped she wasn't.

"Lizzy?" Sam quietly says her name and sits on the bed directly across from Lizzy's line of vision, forcing her to look at him. Their eyes meet and they recognize the loss and pain in each other.

"Hi Sam." It was plain and emotionless, much like her tone when she first arrived on their doorstep.

"Hi Lizzy," he responds just as quietly.

After a beat, her tone still devoid of life, she tells him, "You need a haircut."

"Good to see you too." Sam's small and forced smile doesn't help alleviate the situation like Dean thinks he's attempting to.

"Well… at least I get to talk to you in person for once, right?" Lizzy comments plainly.

What did she just say? Dean shoots Sam a surprised and very confused look. Sam's been talking to Lizzy? When? Why didn't he know about that?

But Sam does his best to avoid him, only glancing at Dean for a split second through his periphery before going back to Lizzy.

"Yeah, it's good to talk face to face," Sam begins cautiously. "I'm… I'm _so_ sorry, Lizzy. I am. I, I don't know what I would do…."

"If you lost your best friend?" she asks him. "If the one person you have left on Earth died and left you alone? Yeah, I don't know what _I'd_ do either." Silent tears leak from her eyes at the very thought.

Both men stay silent. She's angry and she should be. They aren't sure how to approach the situation. Dean knows they have to act fast to keep on top of whatever it is that did this to Lou. If there is something still out there that killed her, that thing wasn't going to be alive very much longer if the Winchesters have anything to do with it.

"Hey, can you sit up?" Dean asks gently of her, trying to stay even and caring when he really doesn't know where he stands with her. "I need to check you out."

"Hitting on me already, huh? Didn't take long," she jests flatly and with venom.

"You know what I mean," he explains in a serious tone.

"Fine," she relents stubbornly. It takes much effort to get herself up off the pillow and get herself seated. She moves as if everything hurts everywhere.

Once upright, Dean sees she looks worse than he had thought. Crying for an hour straight did nothing to help her swollen eye, which is shut now. Her chin finally stopped trickling blood constantly, but it still needs to be closed up properly. And those are only the injuries he can see right away.

"Do you still have all your medical supplies?" Sam quietly questions.

"I… uh. I don't know…" Lizzy responds, trying to remember if she had them in the car or not. Her mind isn't processing anything right now, even the things that should be the most obvious.

"That's ok," Sam assures her. "I'll grab whatever we have." He gets up and takes the keys to the Impala off of the table before heading outside.

"C'mon." Dean holds his hand out to Lizzy in order to help her up and lead her to the bathroom.

Looking at his hand for a second, clearly Lizzy contemplates if she wants to take his hand or not. She stubbornly doesn't want to but the pain she's in makes moving suck so much that she's realizing she actually might need his help.

She takes his hand begrudgingly and he pulls her up until she's standing. He walks her to the bathroom, never dropping her hand, and puts a towel down on the closed, cold toilet seat. Dean gestures to it silently for her to take a seat.

Plopping down onto the toilet with a wince, she slumps her shoulders. Dean's heart aches with how broken she is. He really has never seen her in anywhere near this emotional state before. Lizzy was always this oddly bright ray of pure sunshine whenever he thought about her.

Dean dampens a washcloth and kneels on the floor in front of her, trying to keep enough distance to keep her comfortable with him. "So, aside from the obvious black eye and split chin, any other damage I need to know about?"

"I'm pretty sure my knuckles aren't supposed to look like this." She holds up her right hand, her dominant side, and he sees how fat and bruised her middle, ring and pinky finger joints are. Every knuckle is covered with split skin and yet more dried blood. They looked pretty jammed, if not slightly dislocated. "And my upper side on the right hurts like a bitch when I breathe. Bruised up some ribs when I got tossed into a metal dumpster. Nothing you can do about that though."

"Hell of a fight you go into." He hopes she'll start telling him on her own what happened with little prying on his part.

"Yep," Lizzy blankly agrees as she continues to stare at her hands in her lap. Talking feels too heavy and, even if that's exactly what he wants her to do, she doesn't want to.

Dean starts gently wiping away the blood and dirt from her face, starting at her forehead and working his way down. He takes his time and moves gently, like she's a spooked animal, all while mentally preparing for this conversation they need to have. Clearly he's going to have to ask.

"Lizzy, what happened?" He doesn't stop his work, but looks to her eyes as he asks. She's fixated on the old, brown tiles of the floor and doesn't answer him. She presses her lips together in a thin line and Dean thinks she might cry again. He definitely doesn't want that. "You don't have to tell me everything. I just need to know some of it, or at least what did this to her."

She knows she has to. It hurts so much but she has to talk. She's the one that showed up on his doorstep after a year apart. He has to know what's going on.

Dean can see the inner turmoil. "If you can't do that right now…"

"We were looking into these three people who went missing," she interrupts, getting it over with. "Lou read about it online. They were around our age, two guys and one girl, and they disappeared all within five days of each other. The weird part was that there had been reports sent into the police that they had been seen around town but were acting off character. Like the girl… she was really religious and had been saving herself for marriage. She was seen leaving a bar with a stranger a couple days after she initially disappeared. That was super weird of her. None of the missing people ever went back to their homes or called their parents or friends. It was like they'd totally overhauled their personalities. We decided to see what was happening. Told Bobby about it, he said not to go. Should've listened."

She slowly shakes her head with regret and sighs loudly before looking up from the floor. Instead of looking at Dean in the eye, however, she keeps avoiding him and instead inspects the shower curtain.

"After checking in with the families and the local police, we had one lead. The three were normal, run of the mill people who had nothing linking them together except a local dive bar. All three had been there that week, not necessarily the night they disappeared, but around that time, so we went to the bar to check it out. The bartend…"

There is a light knock on the bathroom door and Lizzy pauses her retelling. Dean reaches out to turn the knob and open it a little. Sam walks in with the small medical supply bag he retrieved from their car and hands it to Dean. Dean gestures with his head toward the bathtub for Sam to stay as he takes out an icepack, pops the inside bag to activate it, and hands it over to Lizzy. Sam gets the hint and sits down on the porcelain edge.

"The bartender there told us that the crowd of loud and really rude people in the back corner had been there every night for the past ten days but he'd never seen them before that." Lizzy presses the cold compress to her injured eye. "He said it was hard to get them to leave at closing time and they were always yelling, laughing, breaking bottles and demanding things like they owned the joint. Remembering what the entry in our journal that you," she glances at Sam, "Wrote said about vampires, we decided to high-tail it outta there. We knew this wasn't a fight for us to get into alone. Lou was going to call you as soon as we got outside, actually." Lizzy's eyes connect with Dean's for the first time since she woke up. His heart skips a beat when he sees the deep chestnut color peering at him, but he immediately grows sad when he notices how different they look than he'd remembered. They aren't bright and full of life anymore. Her eyes are missing that spark, that bright light they used to hold.

"On our way out the door, some chick walked into my shoulder. On instinct, I turned and told her to watch where the fuck she was going. When she faced me I recognized her as the missing girl we were looking for and she was crazy pissed at me for calling her out. I knew I had fucked up right then. I just told off something that wasn't human. We left in a rush after that. A few minutes later we were in the ally along the side of the building on our way to Lou's car. Lou had her phone out to call when she went down. We were followed out and one of the vamps hit her on the side of the head with a bat. She went down, out cold." She pauses when her voice heightens and she starts to lose it again. "Next thing I know, I'm doing my best to beat the shit out of three vampires that jumped me, but as you can see," she gestures to her overall appearance, "They were winning. I kept calling out to Lou, trying to get her conscious again, but she never responded. Another vamp came out of nowhere and was leaning over her on the ground. It was doing something to her." Her voice grows even higher in pitch as she begins to cry again. "I hated that he was touching her. That's my best friend and I couldn't get to her or help her. My view wasn't good while I was fighting but I know he was hurting her. She had blood all over her mouth and face. She looked like she was barely breathing."

Dean jumps in his skin at this. Blood on her mouth. He turns his head slightly to catch Sam out of the corner of his eye. The look Sam gives him confirms that they are on the same page.

"When I tried to run to her I got tossed into a dumpster," Lizzy keeps going, not seeing their faces of recognition. "I somehow got up again but almost immediately I hit the pavement and everything went black. I think I got the shit end of that bat too." She rubs the back of her head as her voice begins to return to its normal tone.

"Lemme see," Dean inquires as he leans up on his knees and checks her head himself. The huge egg-shaped bump and open wound confirms what she had already thought. "Yeah, that doesn't look too good."

"I'll live," she responds. "I don't know how long I was out, but when I came to Louie was gone. They fucking killed her and took her. I was left with no one to say goodbye to, no one to bury, nothing." The tears start to spill once more. "I sat in that ally alone for an hour before I could even move. I couldn't think, couldn't talk, I didn't even cry that whole time. That must be what shock is like. I called Bobby in a panic once I was actually able to function again."

"That's when you came here?" Dean asks as he returns to cleaning her face.

"Yeah. Didn't know where else to go. This is the only thing I could think of."

Dean shares a sympathetic look with her as he wipes away the tears on her cheeks.

"We're glad you came, Lizzy" Sam informs her. He is telling the truth, they were both happy to see her, no matter what the circumstances. They also wanted to be the ones to help her, especially now that they know how badly she's going to need it.

Dean's just content knowing that she thought of him first when she needed help the most. That's got to count for something.

"Hey, why don't you take a shower and clean up," Dean suggests. "I'll grab you something to wear and I'll get you stitched up when you're done."

"Stitched?" Lizzy wonders.

"You're chin's wide open. So is your head. Need to close them up."

"Fucking fantastic," she laments. "You know, I was really hoping to walk away from the worst moment of my life with a scar to remind me of it every time I look in the mirror." The bitterness is biting.

Dean stands up from his place on the floor and gets ready to give her some privacy. He pauses, looking at her small, hurting form and does something he never would have guessed he'd do within their situation. He plants an innocent kiss on her forehead to show that, despite what he's done, he still really cares.

He then immediately rushes out of the bathroom before he can catch any negative reactions to his actions and Sam follows. As soon as they hear the water turn on Dean grabs Sam by the upper arm and yanks him out of the motel room. He really couldn't have Lizzy hear this conversation. Not yet at least.

"Fuck!" Dean yells to no one in particular once the door is closed and they are outside in the parking lot. His fists ball up with anger now that he knows what happened.

Sam knows too. With the eyes of a frightened younger brother, he looks to Dean and asks him, "Lou isn't dead, is she?" He already knows the answer. He just need to actually hear it for it to be real.

"No, Sam," Dean tells him. "Lou is definitely _not_ dead."


	3. Being Worthy

* * *

"What the hell do we do now?" Sam's says almost too quickly for Dean to understand as they stand outside the motel room. He's panicking with the hefty realization. They both are.

"We go find her." Dean makes it sound simple but the fact is that this is going to be extremely difficult.

With the answer Sam gets panicky. He knew Lou well. She is… was… a good-hearted, well-intentioned person who doesn't deserve this. It's Madison all over again. He feels his breathing picking up and the sweat start collecting on his brow. How can one person manage killing two very meaningful people in their lifetime and maintain their sanity? Right now, it doesn't seem possible as the reality begins setting in.

"Sam, I know, man… but we have to take care of this… situation," Dean continues, not wanting to say what exactly it is they have to do now.

"I agree." Sam nods in accordance, knowing no matter how he feels, they have go through with this, for both girls. "What do we tell Lizzy, though?"

"I don't know if we should tell her anything."

"Dean…"

"We could just leave and handle it ourselves, right?" Dean thinks aloud. "I mean, that would be much easier than explaining to Lizzy that her best friend was now a blood-sucking piece of shit that needs to be whacked. Oh, and by the way, to do that we have to cut her fucking head off."

Sam winces with the mental imagery that creates for him, having to do that to Lou. And he is having a hard time picturing having to tell Lizzy all that. But, as he's learned in the past, no secret stays hidden forever and if they lie to her and Lizzy finds out some time down the road, it will be so much worse. "It would be easier for now to lie to her… but what happens when she eventually finds out?"

"She won't."

"Dean, you can't be sure of that. Plus, if you thought that I turned…" Sam sighs. "Wouldn't you be pissed if no one told you?"

"Yes," Dean answers simply and stubbornly. The realization hits him. They have to be honest here. "Shit." Dean begins pacing again.

"I know, dude."

Dean sighs and stands still. They need to work fast. "Alright. You call Bobby. Maybe he can meet us there."

"Okay," Sam nods.

"I'm gonna go patch her up," Dean tells him and heads back into the motel room.

* * *

 

"Ah, fuck," Lizzy complains as her face wrinkles in pain.

"Sorry. Sorry," Dean apologizes immediately and pauses what he's doing.

"Just… slow down or something," Lizzy bitches at him. "Not a fucking race.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I'm not as good as you are with this stuff."

Lizzy is sitting once again on the toilet, this time dressed in the way too big t-shirt and sweatpants of Dean's that he loaned her. Dean is sitting on the tile floor, kneeling between her legs, stitching up her chin. She's holding another icepack to her eye, though the swelling has started to subside. Dean thinks she looks much better now that the dirt and red smudges are cleaned off. Surprisingly, even though she's covered in bruises and small scrapes, most of that blood hadn't been hers. Lizzy put up one hell of a fight and his heart swells with pride in her. Having seen her in action before, he knows those vamps were given a solid run for their money.

"You're totally sure no vamp blood got into any of these cuts?" Dean questions for the third time.

"Yes, nag, I'm sure," she complains in answer. "Plus, if it had I'd be all kinds of fucked up by now. You'd be able to tell."

"That's true," Dean says while running the sharp needle through her skin again, this time much more gingerly. "Sorry about the oversized digs. I couldn't find your car to get you any of your own."

She shrugs to him. "It's fine. Got a new car, anyways."

"Oh," is all he responds with, getting a certain vibe from her that's telling him not to bother asking. He's uncomfortable, the tension between them thick. So Dean goes into default. He tries to lighten up a situation that's too dark to lighten. "Kinda funny, isn't it?"

"What?" she asks quietly, not getting it.

"Me stitching you up like this," he explains. "It's like when we met at Bobby's but, you know, reversed. I'm the doc now."

And it oddly is similar. Dean barged into Bobby's house with a sliced arm and she volunteered to stitch him. Their first real conversation was in a bathroom, Dean sitting on a closed toilet and Lizzy on the floor mending his wounds. Their conversation was light and easy… and it was one of those moments in which Dean good in his life. Those aren't too common.

He attempts to smile at her with the good memory but it quickly fades when she clearly doesn't feel the same way about it, her face serious still.

"It's fucking hilarious," she laments in a dead, biting tone. "So _glad_ we got know each other."

Upon hearing the caustic sarcasm in her voice Dean knows for sure what he'd always hoped wasn't true. She's angry with him, to the point that she might even hate him. Before now he's never heard her talk to him with such malice behind her words. He finishes tying off the last stitch and decides to take a break. He wants to get through to her as the more he's around her the more he sees how much he still needs her.

"Lizzy," he starts, not know where his words are going at first. "Shit is getting really bad out there. And some things have happened in the last year that aren't easy to explain."

"Would've been nice of you to at least try." Oh, she's _really_ pissed.

"I know that. But I've gotten myself into some things that you don't need to be a part of, that I can't _let_ you be a part of. I won't do that to you." He looks at her with pleading eyes. "But I never wanted to hurt you, you have to know that."

"Do I? I don't think I have to do shit when it comes to you, Winchester." Her acrid tone makes Dean lean back a bit in retreat. "I poured my heart out to you, Dean, more than once. And what did I get in return? A couple months of phone contact and a giant pile of jack shit." Her voice rises as she gets more and more heated with the thought of her life over the past year.

"I never wanted to do that, L," he repeats, begging for some kind of understanding.

"Then why did you? Why did you put me through that? What could possibly be so bad that you had to abandon me completely?"

Dean's face wrinkles in pain as he stays silent. He has no answer for her, at least not one he's willing to give.

"Seriously? You have no explanation for the past year?" Lizzy questions him with pure disbelief.

Dean tries to speak but he can't. "I, I just… L, look…."

"Stop calling me that!" Lizzy grits between clenched teeth. He doesn't get to use nicknames with her, not anymore. "You know, Lou tried so hard to get me to back off and be smart. She told me you were bad news and that all you'd end up doing is hurting me. You'd get your fill and ditch, just like you always do. And what did I do? I did all I could to change her mind, make her see what a truly amazing person you really are."

Dean looks away from her, knowing how not so amazing he actually is.

"And when I finally got her to believe me, got her to look past the bullshit… fucking surprise! You prove her right all along." Lizzy stares him down with pure ire. This conversation is more than she had wanted to get into when she found herself alone with him but now that she's started unleashing all that she's kept inside she can't stop herself. There's so much she needs to say to the man who's hurt her so terribly. Suddenly she can't remember for the life of her why she decided to come here, to come see him. She should have gone to Bobby's because right now, being just inches from Dean, is infuriating. "I fucking hate this!" she shouts while winding up and turning to punch the bathroom wall out of complete frustration. Dean reacts quickly, grasping her forearm in his hand and stopping her.

"Don't!" he warns. "You've already busted up that hand enough. Don't make it worse."

She puts her hand back down in her lap and clenches her jaw. Without the release of her fist slamming into drywall, the fire grows too big to contain. "Fuck you!" she booms out at him.

It absolutely shocks him to hear the hate-filled words. "Fuck me?" he asks with lifted eyebrows.

"Yes! Fuck you! Fuck your inability to trust me! Fuck you for not appreciating the fact that I was damn good to you! Fuck you for treating me like every other whore you get with on the road when I treated you with respect and kindness and complete trust!" Lizzy's balled up fists release just enough to reach out and shove Dean by the shoulders. He falls back onto the floor with the force and Lizzy twists her face in pain as her side hurts with the physical exertion. "How is _this_ what I get in return!? I let my guard down, for you! I trusted you with my God damned life, Dean! And for some stupid, idiotic reason I still do! You know, I never expected you to change who you are and be some kind of doting, stupid boyfriend."

"I never thought you did," he tells her as he sits on his ass on the tiled floor.

"I know who you are! I just wanted… you! Whatever that meant, I didn't care!" She hunches over to the right and lays her left hand over the large bruise as the pain flares with her anger.

Dean scrambles back to his kneeling position he'd previously been in and reaches to her to check her ribs for breaks when she looks like she's really hurting. Before he can get to her she violently swats his hands away.

"They're just bruised," she informs him yet again, not wanting him to touch her any more than he already has had to.

"L… Lizzy, don't be so stubborn. Just let me make sure they aren't broken."

"No. I know what bruised ribs feel like. Wouldn't be the first time." Lizzy informs him. She stops for a moment to compose herself and lower her voice. The loss of him and of what could have been them starts to seep in the longer she spends time with him, even in the time is filled with anger and resentment. "You used to be a comfort to me. I used to take full reassurance in you. Just hearing your voice over the phone whenever I got the chance made me feel good, like I mattered to you. Life sucks so much and our job is so hard that you… you just simply talking to me now and then when you could made it bearable. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to process the idea that you were avoiding me? That you wanted to cut ties with me out of the blue and with no fucking explanation after everything we've been through?"

Dean's heart breaks yet again with her words. Everything she says is true to a point and the guilt is horrendous. The last thing he wanted was to be without her but in his mind he had no choice. "I never wanted to…"

"Don't lie," she practically growls, her eyes doling out a stern warning to him when she already knows what he was going to say. "You haven't answered the phone when I call in a year. This is the first time I've heard your fucking voice in a year, Dean. _A year_! _Please_ , at least have the decency to not lie to my face now that I actually get to hear it."

Dean looks away from her and stays quiet. He has nothing he can say. She is right, he was about to lie to her and she doesn't deserve it.

"You just stopped talking to me altogether, like you fell off the face of the Earth," she tells him. She reaches down and grabs his chin, roughly bringing his head up to focus on her. He shouldn't have the option to make this conversation any easier for himself. "Do you have any idea how much you hurt me?"

The question crushes him. The honesty of it, the sheer pain behind it… he's hurt her far more than any group of vamp could. And that's the killer for him.

"Maybe you don't even care," Lizzy gives up as she drops his chin and looks away when he doesn't answer her. She wipes her eyes when she can't keep her emotions in. "Which makes it really suck to be me."

"I care," Dean tells her from the bottom of his damn soul.

She huffs a small, disbelieving laugh. "And I'm so fucking stupid I actually believe you."

Dean face falls completely.

"Did you know that Sam and Lou still talked?" Lizzy asks him, looking down at his lap. She wants to know what he's aware of and what he's clueless to. And she wants to keep making him feel bad for all he's done to her.

"Not until today, no," he admits.

"Yeah, they heard from each other at least once a week."

Dean is actually quite surprised by this. He never witnessed a single call Sam ever made to Lou. How he snuck that by him, he'll never know, but Dean's guilt grows even larger after learning this. Sam kept up with the girls. Dean couldn't even give Lizzy and explanation. He looks terrible right about now.

"I had no idea. He never told me."

Lizzy nods sadly. "Lou kept it from me for a long time too because she thought it would hurt me knowing Sam could keep in contact with her and you couldn't even say one damn word to me. They ended up having a stronger connection than you realize. Sam is a good guy."

"He is," Dean agrees.

"I just can't believe that you two are even related," Lizzy huffs a disgusted sigh. "He always made sure we were okay on the road, trucking along. And then you… well, you know."

Now she's just going for the jugular and he knows it. Dean sits back on his heels and lets all the new information she's sharing with him sink in. It's quiet besides the dripping of the leaky sink faucet as that familiar, ever-present weight that sits atop Dean's tired shoulders gets heavier and threatens to break his back this time.

"I never said it… but loved you." She says it to the ceiling quietly, trying not to let herself cry again. She doesn't want him to see how weak and vulnerable her feelings for him can make her. "I always assumed you knew I did. But I did."

Dean observes the ache in her expression as she says it. It takes everything he has to not grab her, hold her, and make her realize nothing has changed for him except for the situation he's gotten himself into. The second he saw her he felt everything come flying back at him and he feels the same as he always has about her. He's doing all he can to be strong and keep up his conviction that she shouldn't know about his pending death in place. He wants what's best for her, no matter how much it costs him.

"I know that, deep down… I still love you. How fucked up am I?" she crumbles and the tears start up again with her confessions.

"You're not fucked up for that," Dean tries to be reassuring.

"Why not?" she challenges him.

Dean doesn't know how to answer that.

"Well then, this is where I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that I think you feel the same for me." Her focus lowers to him once more. The sincerity in his eyes is still there, no poker face. "Do you?"

Opening his mouth, nothing comes out.

"Be honest for one fucking second of your life, Dean," Lizzy says with impatience and annoyance.

Dean nods his head slowly, finally for once letting her know just how deeply he feels for her. It was scary, just that head nod, but he did it anyways. She deserved so much more than Dean's given her this past year and it is the least he could do, even if he's aware that it isn't nearly enough. But he loves her. He does. And he's known it for a very long time.

"Then man the fuck up," Lizzy fires out, the anger coming back when she knows he still does feel so much for her despite his actions. "Stop being such a pussy and give into something good for once."

"I… can't," Dean answers simply, the true explanation far too deep and complicated for him to speak.

And the look of pure disappointment he gets for that is heartbreaking. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"That list is far too long, sister," Dean washes a hand down his face, shame all over him.

"Don't do that!" Lizzy gets pissed for his wording. "It's like you purposely don't allow yourself anything good, like you aren't entitled to it or you don't deserve it. And it's all bullshit, Dean. It's all your stupid crap that you tell yourself. If life were fair, if karma were a real thing… you'd have everything you'd ever wanted. You'd be happy and life wouldn't hurt so much because you're a good man. You make stupid fucking decisions based on this insane idea that you're worthless. You're not worthless, Dean!"

Her conviction makes him almost believe her for a moment there.

"Jesus Christ," she continues, shaking her head and looking down into her lap. "You are fucking worthy. You are. I know you. You're worthy of having good things in your life, you idiot. Why can't you see it…?"

Without thinking, Dean reaches up with his hands on the back of her neck and pulls her to him. He presses his lips to hers hastily because he knows if he rethinks his actions for even a split second he'd chicken out.

It's so familiar, this feeling, and he realizes now, with his lips connect to hers, just how empty life has been without her. Other than Lizzy, no one has ever told him he was a good person, not with the conviction she did. He's never considered himself good, just a guy that knew the difference between right and wrong and toed the line carefully. With all the killing, drinking, screwing, lying, and God knows what else, Dean always assumed he wasn't a person of value deserving of a good life. He wasn't evil, but he wasn't a virtuous person by any means. Why does this one woman have the ability to ignore that immoral, ugly shit and focus solely on the positive? Why can she see him as the man he wishes he was?

He ends the first kiss they've shared in far too long when he slowly pulls his lips away from hers and presses their foreheads together. Eyes closed, he wants to revel in it for a moment before it all comes crashing back down inevitably.

When he opens his eyes and backs off a touch he can see nothing but anger in Lizzy's eyes still. She clearly wasn't ready for that kiss to happen and she's not exactly happy about it either. Dean backs away to once more sit on the ground with what he can only assume is a hurt, puppy dog look on his face.

"What?" she asks him with surprise when he looks so sad. "I'm still really fucking angry with you. You avoided me for almost a year for zero reason that I know of. I have no idea what it is, but something's up with you and you're not telling me. What we had was damn good and I know you wouldn't just toss that out for no reason."

Dean decides right then that he is _not_ going to tell her his secret any time soon. She justifiably has a right to know, yes, but they need to deal with Lou first. Then, depending on where she is emotionally after that, he might tell her. Might.

He lets out a heavy sigh. "Turn around. I have to stitch up the back of your head."

"Wow, Dean Winchester, avoiding emotional issues even after I spill my guts. Shocking. You're such a fucking pussy," she comments angrily as she turns so he can begin working. "Try not to fuck this one up as much as my chin, huh?"

* * *

 

"Hey, Bobby," Sam greets, once more outside in the parking lot while Dean gets Lizzy stitched and they hopefully mend a little of their crap. He's got a hand in his pocket and his back is a little hunched. Today sucks.

"What's goin' on there, Sam?"

"Lizzy told us what happened," he begins. "She and Lou found out that it was a nest of vampires making people disappear. Guess they were turning people to make their nest bigger."

"Okay…."

"They ended up running into the nest at a bar and got attacked in the ally next to it. That's why Lizzy's in such tough shape."

"Balls," Bobby complains. "Damned vamps. You think they're still in Oklahoma City?"

"Maybe. We're not sure." Sam lets out a sigh before telling Bobby the most difficult detail. "But that's not the bad part."

"It gets worse than Lou?" Bobby asks with worry.

"Well, according to what Lizzy told us, we think Lou… might not be dead."

"Meaning?"

"She might have been turned instead." He says it fast to get it over with.

"What!?" Bobby has total shock in his voice.

"Don't make me say it again, Bobby," Sam requests, his voice cracking a little as he rubs at his tired eyes.

"This is bad, boy," Bobby tells him loudly.

"Yeah, we know."

"You two planning on finding her I hope," Bobby comments, needing to know this will be handled.

"Definitely. We just have to talk to Lizzy first. We can't just run out there and leave her without telling her what's up." Sam is kicking a rock between his feet in the gravel of the parking lot. He's doing anything he can to detach himself as much as possible from the conversation. It's still too new, too raw.

"What you planning on telling here?" Bobby wonders.

"Well, she still thinks Lou is dead so we have to somehow explain that she most likely isn't. She's gonna be pissed."

"Putting it lightly."

"Dean is stitching her up now. We don't even know what to tell her, Bobby. I don't think she's even considered this."

"Probably won't let herself consider it," Bobby knowingly tells him. "You boys do what you can. No matter what you say, this is gonna be awful. Just get it over with and be comforting. I'll pack myself up. Call when you're leaving and I'll meet you idjits there."

Bobby is their God-send once more. He's always looking out for them, and right now, Sam appreciates any help they can get. "Okay. Thanks Bobby. It'll be good to have your help on this one."

"Hell, I'd never miss a chance to help that poor girl out. She's good people, Lou too."

"You're absolutely right."

Lou really was.

* * *

 


	4. D'yer Mak'er

* * *

"Lizzy, could you come sit with us for a minute?" Sam gently asks of her as she watches TV absently on one of the beds. It's clear to both of them she's not even really watching it anyways. She's just staring.

"Uh… yeah," she responds unenthusiastically as she turns off the television with the remote and gets up with effort, the pain still all over. Her fourth very full glass of whiskey is in hand and she drags her feet over to the table. For the past two hours, the three sat in near silence as… well, what could any of them even say? The men did their best to give Lizzy some time before discussing the issue at hand but at the rate she had been drinking sooner was much better than later.

Dean now regrets buying liquor. Should have went with beer.

"What's going on?" she asks as she plops into one of the chairs at the small kitchenette table, her glass descending loudly onto the wooden surface.

"We've been talking," Dean cautiously begins, knowing he's still clearly A-number-1 on her shit list. "And there was something you said about what happened to Lou that has us worried."

"Alright. What?" She takes another sip of whiskey with no reaction at all to the burn and Dean grows more uncomfortable. Lizzy's always been a heavy drinker, one of the many things about her he really, _really_ liked, and even though drinking to stave off emotional pain is something he himself understands well and does quite often, witnessing Lizzy do it feels completely wrong.

"You said that you saw a vamp do something to Lou. And you said you saw blood covering her mouth, right?" Sam questions in a low, understanding tone.

"Yeah."

"Lizzy, we're just concerned…. Are you sure that blood was hers?" Sam asks carefully.

There's a pause that just hangs in the air heavily as the wheels in Lizzy's head turn. Dean recognizes the confusion in her expression as she reacts to Sam's question. She needs clarification despite already knowing where they might be going with this one. "What are you talking about, Sam?"

"Are you sure Lou was dead when you last saw her?" Dean questions quickly, no preamble. Both men are fixed on her as they see the thoughts churning. She begins to put everything together and Dean swears he can actually hear her heart ripping in two in the silence of the room. Lizzy shakes her head rapidly back and forth once she fully understands for sure what they are asking.

"She's dead," Lizzy said with a certainty she deep down just doesn't have. "She was bleeding… a lot. And she was just…hurt. She was really hurt." Denial. The boys know it when they see it.

"We're worried that there might be more to it," Sam gently explains, trying his damnedest to soften the blow.

"What the fuck more could there be, Sam?" she gets overwhelmed and annoyed, everything culminating in anger when she speaks.

"She's not dead." Dean blurts it out and then immediately feels Sam's boot slam into his shin. It may have appeared insensitive but he felt that drawing out this conversation would be worse for Lizzy. Do it like ripping off a band aid, he thought. That's how he would want to get the news and he's betting that Lizzy would too.

But then he catches the way her eyes stare at him hardened and dangerous. Maybe that wasn't the way to go.

"Then what is she, Dean?" she asks with a sharp edge. She's staring daggers into him, as if daring him to say it to her face.

Dean won't back down. "We think she was turned."

"Excuse you?" Her voice is louder.

Before she can blow up he keeps going. "We think that vamp got his blood into her system through her mouth and that's what you saw. It wasn't killing her. It was infecting her. That's also why she wasn't in the ally when you came to. They didn't take Lou's dead body. They took her back to their nest while she turned."

Inhaling shakily, Lizzy just stares down at the old, worn table top in front of her while she spins the whiskey glass in her hold. Everything hurt. He heart, her head, down to her damn soul, everything hurts. Death was one thing… but turning into something they hunt is another.

After hearing the explanation, she fidgets while unsure of how to act. She releases her glass to play with her hair while tying it up in a ponytail before lifting the whiskey in front of her to drain the large amount of booze still in it in one hefty gulp. Rolling the glass between her hands as she swallows it down, she finally responds without looking up from it.

"My Louie's a vampire." She says it just to make sure it's true. When neither of the men she's with speak to deny it she's knows it's true. It makes too much sense. She didn't allow herself to think of it as a remote possibility before right not but it makes too much sense. She never ran up against vampires before, she didn't know all that much about them, but this makes sense even to her.

"Lizzy?" Dean says her name to her get too look up at him. He needs to see where her head is right now. When her hollow brown eyes look at him he knows now. She understands and she believes them.

"So, when do we leave?" she suddenly asks the men with sheer determination.

Sam glances to Dean, seeing if he should say something. Dean nods so he goes for it. "We were thinking that the two of us could handle the situation. You don't have to be a part of that, Lizzy. That's asking a lot from you and we aren't sure you're in the right state of mind to handle that."

"No fucking way!" Lizzy shouts and glares at Sam for the suggestion. "The two of you, of all the people in the world, should know that I am _not_ letting anyone else deal with her!"

"We're just saying…" Sam tries again but she'll have nothing of it.

"That's _my_ fucking family. She's _my_ responsibility. I got her parents killed and she never once left my side." Her face wrinkles in the pain. "I owe Louie my life, several times over." She sighs, her breath hitching. "I am going. I will find her. I will… take care of her."

The last part came out with a tremble. Dean knew this was coming but he knows Lizzy is right. If either Sam or he had been turned the other would never be able to sit by and have someone else 'fix' the situation. But how can a person have the strength it takes to end the life of their sibling? Dean knows he would do it if it came down to it. He'd do it for Sam without question but he doesn't know if he'd have the fortitude to move on after that. It would ruin him. The anguish of this whole situation is weighing heavier and heavier on him as they sit at the aging, splintered table.

"Understandable," Dean finally responds after some time of silence. There was no way to get her to stay away from Oklahoma. He knows that. "But you aren't going alone."

With the warning she looks at him hard.

"We're coming with to back you up. Bobby too," Dean explains to her what's already been decided. "We want to help. We owe Lou that much."

Lizzy nods her understanding, eyes sliding to Sam to catch the utter sadness in his expression. She stands and walks to the bureau to avoid it, grabbing up the whiskey bottle to pour herself another glass. It's even fuller than the others this time. She downs half of it in quick successive gulps before speaking again.

"So… I'm not really up on my fang lore. Tell me everything you two know about vampires."

* * *

 

All three decided to stay put for the night to rest up, seeing as it's been over twenty-four hours since anyone had really slept. Lizzy's already a few steps ahead of the men as she fell asleep in a whiskey fog an hour ago after telling Dean to go fuck himself while drunk. It was for good measure, as she put it. Now the two men are trying to get a game plan ready for the next morning.

They thought they would check how Lizzy is doing with supplies and evaluate what they combined have for the trip. Dean grabs the keys he'd previously fished out of her jacket and they get ready to head for the parking lot. After not seeing her old silver Toyota in the lot earlier when he wanted to grab her clothes for her, Lizzy mentioned that she had a new car. Looking through the few keys on her keyring for some clue as to which one was hers, his sights fall on an old silver car key with a horse on it. Immediately his eyes bulge from their sockets.

"No fucking way," he mutters as he quickly runs out the motel door, having a good idea as to which car is hers in the lot now.

And there she is.

"Holy shit!" Dean says as Sam quickly joins him outside out of curiosity. Parked a few spaces down from his Impala is a shiny, immaculate, Guardsman Blue 1964 Mustang, the car he drooled over a bit when he was looking for Lizzy's Toyota.

" _That_ is Lizzy's car?" Sam asks with surprise, seeing the same thing Dean does. He may not know much about cars but growing up with Dean and his dad… he knew enough. That car is something special.

"No, it's Lou's," Dean awes, walking closer. "Guess that family friend of hers passed away."

"Huh?" Sam asks with confusion. He stares at the perfectly maintained classic car gleaming in the sunlight.

"Yeah," Dean smiles out while running his hand across the uniquely blue painted hood as he walks around the car and inspects its beauty. "She rebuilt the engine with her dad when she was a kid. They did it for a close family friend. When her dad died, the friend said he was leaving it to her in his will. Guy must've croaked in the last year." He presses a palm into the roof and leans down to peek into the cabin through the side window. "Damn, this thing is cherry. Fully restored. The detailing is damn near perfect."

"You guys need a moment alone?" Sam asks, his tone low despite the slight joke.

"Wouldn't mind it," Dean absently jests back, eyeing the car nonstop.

"Well, don't blow your load, Dean. It's just a car," Sam remarks seriously as he stays near the Impala.

"You definitely wouldn't say that if you actually knew what you were looking at," Dean informs his naïve brother without looking away from the car.

Sam walks to the trunk of the Impala and holds out a hand for the keys, needing to get to work before his brain takes over with thoughts of Lou again. Dean tosses them over and Sam gets to work gathering supplies.

Dean follows suit and goes around the back of the impressive for car in front of him. He unlocks the trunk and takes one good look.

"Whoa. OCD much?" Sam hears Dean say before he can rifle through their weaponry.

He walks over and sees exactly what Dean is commenting on. "It's so neat."

"No kidding. They have a compartment for freaking everything."

Sam scans the highly organized, all be it small, area and finds himself very impressed. They had foam padded dividers built into the trunk and every piece of hunting equipment has its place, along with separate plastic storage boxes for things such as shells and bullets, chalk, and salt. Everything is labeled and dated with the last time the supply was refilled. It's a work of art, really. The studious college kid buried deep down inside of Sam is loving what he sees.

"It's kinda awesome," Sam admits.

"Awesome? That is not awesome. That," Dean pauses and points into the trunk. "Is obsessive."

Now Sam remembers why he never tried to really organize anything in the Impala. Dean would make fun of him for being a nerd and ruin it in a matter of days anyways.

"Well, awesome or not, she's prepared and that's good," Sam comments and thinks a little bit. "Hey, ah… you see any more of those bullets they made a while back? The ones that smoked that Nixie?"

Dean searches a bit. "Nah, I don't see them. Must've used them all," he shrugs.

"That's concerning." Why would they have needed all those powerful bullets?

"I agree with you there, Sammy."

Sam takes the empty duffle bag that was slung over his shoulder and starts to fill it with everything they need. He takes some items from Lizzy's car and some from the Impala, including four machetes and the few syringes they had. "We need some dead man's bloods."

"Yeah, but sorry Sammy, I'm fresh out," Dean comments.

"I can grab a paper tomorrow morning. Then I'll head to the morgue and ask to see someone from the obits. I'll get some then."

"Gross." Dean's nose scrunches with the thought.

Sam finds himself a little annoyed with his brother at that. He was the one who was offering to do the dirty work. Why was Dean complaining? "Well, I guess one of us has to do it." He knows his tone is stronger than he'd anticipated it being.

"Didn't mean to touch a nerve there, Sammy," Dean tells him. "It's just… who lives like this, man?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Sam questions with confusion, the thought sounding nothing like his brother.

"I'm just saying… who has to go out and get a dead dude's blood? That's weird," Dean tells him, looking at his brother for some kind of solidarity on this one. "You don't find things like this weird every now and then?"

Sadly, Sam didn't. Or at least he didn't any more. He never really stopped and had these kinds of thoughts these days. Back when he was a kid and then again when he'd first rejoined Dean after Jessica died he's had these thoughts all the time. But now Sam usually just went with the flow and did what had to be done, not thought necessary. True, it's weird, but it's their life.

"I guess I don't ever really think about it that way."

"Never?" Dean wonders, shocked to hear that from his brother.

"Not any more, no," Sam shakes his head.

"Yeah…." Dean looks down at the keys in his hand to avoid Sam's serious stare. "I do."

The sadness in Dean's tone is what catches Sam off guard. He's been getting a weird vibe from his brother lately, like he's regretful about life or that he's wishing for something more. Considering his deal is coming up soon maybe it's remorse over the things he's done… or hasn't done.

And Sam knows this easily has everything to do with seeing Lizzy again.

And Sam's right. Dean's inner, hidden longing to get out of hunting once and for all has been surfacing a lot lately. He's been realizing that when his time comes and he makes that ultimate sacrifice for his brother that he's leaving behind a car and a Sam. That's it. He has no family besides that to miss him or mourn him, he has no children to keep the Winchester name going, he really has nothing.

And seeing Lizzy after the year he's had? It all come back with a vengeance. Seeing her beat to hell, lost and sad, it hit him harder than he was prepared for. There's a pain he's been harboring concerning her for a long time now and seeing her so weak really pulled it to the surface.

Lizzy deserves a normal life, the life she's admitted to him that she wants more than anything eventually, and he wishes that there was a way for him to give that to her. Considering his life used to easily revolve around easy women, easy money hustling, grabbing drinks when he can, and driving his car… he was shocked the day he had talked to her on the phone over a year ago and found himself confessing to her that he really just wanted a small home, a simple job, and a family. It came out of his mouth before he even knew the truth himself.

He told her he wanted a life like that one day… but he'd never get out. He already knew that. She sounded so disappointed. He'll never forget the tone of her voice during that call.

"You alright?" Sam asks, knowing Dean's gotten caught up in his thoughts.

Dean blinks and plays it off. "I'm good." Even he didn't believe that answer.

Sam looks around and thinks. Screw it. He's saying it. "This have anything to do with seeing Lizzy again?"

"No," Dean quickly answers in his usual hard, we're-not-talking-about-this tone and marches for the motel, disappearing before Sam could lay into him.

* * *

 

Through the nice, comforting envelope of early morning sleep he hears the motel door closing quietly, clicking into place. Must be Sam heading out on his task to the morgue. God damn, what time is it?

Looking over at the digital alarm clock on the nightstand, Dean makes out the numbers. 7:34 am. Way too early for him. At least Sam is gone now, so maybe he can get a couple hours of uninterrupted sleep before they leave. Once Lizzy had drunkenly passed out, Dean had suggested they let her be and that he and Sam share the open bed. Sam didn't like it but he knew it was probably best. Sharing a sleeping space with a guy as big as Sam sucked and now that he's alone Dean rolls over, cocoons himself in the comforter, and sprawls out with full intentions of enjoying the extra rest he's about to get.

Out of instinct, he glances over at the other bed to quickly to check on Lizzy before closing his eyes once more.

Her bed is empty.

Dean jolts up until he's sitting and begins frantically eyeing the room. Did she leave for Oklahoma without them? Was that her who just left? Shit!

Slight relief washes over him when he spots her bag by the front door but it isn't enough reassurance to keep him in bed. He jumps up and dashes out the door to check the lot, heart pounding as he does.

Jogging to the center of the parking lot, he scans the surrounding area and finally relaxes fully when he spots her familiar frame and long black ponytail walking off in the distance. She went on a walk. She didn't leave on her own, she just needed to get out and walk.

Dean places one hand on his hip and the other he presses into his chest as his heart rate begins to slow. He'd been so terrified when he couldn't find her that he takes a few seconds of reprieve while standing alone in the middle of the paved lot to gather himself. Once he's calm again, Dean looks down at himself and realizes that in his panic he'd ran out of the motel room barefoot and only wearing a t-shirt and boxer briefs. Great.

He begins dragging his feet back to the room when he hears someone whistle. Turning toward the sound he spots the scruffy, unkempt looking trucker winking at him from the doorway of the room next to his. Dean smiles very awkwardly at the man, getting a wave and a wink in return. Dean waves back, why he doesn't know, before hustling himself back into the room, stepping on a sharp rock and muttering a _son of a bitch_ to himself as he hops on one foot with the pain.

After that he goes about his morning like any other. Showering, packing, and heading out to pick up breakfast for everyone. When he gets back, three Styrofoam take-out containers in hand, he hears the shower running in the bathroom.

"Guess someone's feeling better," Dean mutters to himself as he places the boxes on the table and takes out forks, knives, and napkins from his back pocket. She must be feeling better. There's music playing from what he assumes is her iPod dock in the bathroom. Muffled Van Halen riffs float through the room and Dean has hope that she's at least functional enough to head out on this hunt with them.

The water turns off in the shower but the music continues. It is a lovely soundtrack to Dean's morning, or at least he thinks so. He's not the biggest Van Halen fan but he knows she is. Listening to them has always been associated with her since he's met her.

Dean drops into a chair at the table, his heavy, boot laden feet propping up on the chair next to him, and opens up the box containing scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, and toast. Got to fuel up for what could be a very long day.

Lizzy opens the bathroom door, the music getting louder as she does, and comes out through the cloud of steam. She's wearing only a towel on her head along with her black, low rise panties and a blue sports bra. Lizzy looks just as good as she always did, Dean thinks, even if she has that huge, purple and blue bruise high up on her ribs along with several cuts and scrapes. Dean sees past all that easily and, knowing full well she's still mad at him, can't help but allow himself the pleasure of enjoying the view.

Her form is still lean and toned with curses to kill. And Lizzy's still got the most perfectly round ass on her, he thinks to himself. He's always been an ass man and he's always thought she had one of the finest. She has the kind of ass a man would give anything just to leave his handprint on. Damn, he'd give anything he had if just once she'd let him… he stops his ogling dead when she looks over to him while leaning down to grab her bag off the floor by the door.

"Hey," she plainly and unenthusiastically greets, knowing his eyes are wondering. He might think about sex more than any guy she's ever met.

"Mornin'," Dean returns, mouth filled with bacon. "How're you feeling?"

She simply shrugs her shoulders as an answer. "Thanks for letting me have the bed."

"Not a problem," Dean lies. "I got you breakfast. You hungry?"

She doesn't answer his question. Instead she starts to walk toward Dean. She reaches into his take-out box and pops one of the bacon strips into her mouth before heading back to the bathroom to finish getting herself ready.

"Um, you're welcome!" Dean says with offence after she steals his food. She flips him the bird over her shoulder in return before closing the bathroom door once more. "Lovely," he mumbles as he shakes his head and continues eating.

The motel room door opens again a few minute later when Sam gets back from his errand.

"Hey," Sam greets. He's wearing their requisite government official suit.

"Morning, sweetheart," Dean returns, this time with a mouth full of scrambled egg.

Sam tosses him something from his coat pocket and Dean catches it.

"Nasty, dude! I'm eating," Dean says once he realizes he has a syringe of dead man's blood in his grip. He tosses it back to Sam.

He catches it. "Well, at least _you_ didn't have to go get it," he sasses back as he pockets the item again. "Was able to get three of them. Should be enough, I hope." It's then he hears the music coming from the bathroom. He nudges his head toward the bathroom door while loosening his tie. "Feeling better?"

"I guess," Dean shrugs a little. "She's enjoying the musical stylings of David Lee Roth just fine but she's barely speaking to me."

Sam thinks quickly and decides to try speak the truth. "Can you blame her?"

It was a valid question, but not one he wanted to hear. It was bad enough having to cope with Lizzy's hatred but having Sam side with her really sucked.

"Sam, what the hell am I supposed to do here?" Dean questions with a lowered, angered voice. "I can't just tell her the truth."

"Are you sure you can't?" Sam questions while opening the two remaining take-out boxes in search of his.

"What!? Are you insane?"

"No. I kinda think you should tell her," he continues in a matter-of-fact tone.

"Oh, so you _are_ insane," Dean bitches and leans back in his chair, ditching his breakfast for the time being.

"Dude, think about it," Sam says calmly as he takes a seat across from his brother with his take out box. "She's really understanding, especially when it comes to you for some reason. You're only in this whole mess because you wanted to save me and you're intentions were always good. It was selfless and you did it to save my life. You really don't think she'd get that?"

"You think she would?" Dean asks incredulously.

"Yeah, I do. Especially now."

Dean lets Sam's words sink in for a moment. Sam might be partially right about this but telling her still makes him overly nervous. She called him out just yesterday for thinking of himself as worthless. Selling his soul in exchange for Sam's life pretty much proves her right.

"Okay, fine. Let's pretend for a minute that I tell her and she actually takes it well," Dean plays this scenario out a bit. "What makes you think that once she learns about crossroad demons she won't run off and make a deal of her own to save Lou?"

Sam scoffs instantly at the idea. "Please. Lizzy isn't that dumb," he informs Dean while unwrapping some plastic utensils.

Dean gives Sam a look of total surprise. He did not expect to hear his own brother, the brother he'd condemned himself to eternal damnation for, call him dumb for his sacrifice. "So… I'm dumb for saving your ass, huh?"

Sam looks at him for a beat. "That's not what I'm saying."

"And how sure are you that you wouldn't do the same for me?" Dean challenges.

"I'm not," Sam answers simply and without thought. "I think Lizzy is smarter than both of us."

Blown away by Sam's honesty, Dean is content as he watches Sam across from him dig into his egg white omelet with wheat toast. It is somehow satisfying to hear Sam say he might have done the same for him.

"Sammy, I gotta know something." As much as Dean would love to enjoy the moment they just shared a little longer, something has been nagging at him. Plus, if he kept going it might get emotional and Dean hates that shit. "What did Lizzy mean when she said it was nice to talk to you in person for once?"

The pause Sam takes is long and it does nothing to assuage Dean's curiosity. "It meant that it was nice to talk in person versus over the phone… like we have on occasion over the past year." Sam never once makes eye contact while telling him, choosing to study his breakfast instead.

Dean brow lowers with upset. "When did you talk to Lizzy over the phone?"

"You mean besides all the times when you handed me the phone at first to answer her calls when you wouldn't?"

"Answer the question, smart ass." Dean wasn't in the mood.

"Ever since we'd last seen them, Lou and I had kept in contact," Sam confesses, dropping his fork to look right at Dean. "We'd text or call at least once a week. Sometimes Lizzy would get on the phone and we'd talk a little. She mostly just wanted to know how you were doing."

"Why didn't you ever tell me that?"

"Felt wrong to. As much as it was your terrible decision to stop talking to Lizzy and try to protect her… I knew it had always really hurt you to do it. I didn't want to make it worse by letting you know."

Dean says nothing in return. He is touched. It had always been his job, his duty to keep Sam safe and free from pain but during this whole past year his little brother was doing his best to protect him. It feels strange. But good.

"Thanks, Sammy," is all Dean can manage.

Sam nods a silent 'you're welcome' and they eat in comfortable peace as they wait for Lizzy.

* * *

 

"Alright, all packed up," Dean announces to Lizzy and Sam as he drops the last duffle bag into the Impala's trunk.

"Great, let's go," Lizzy says without any form of excitement. "Dean, why don't you follow since I already know where I'm going? Sam, you ride with me and make sure I'm caught up on what I need to know."

Sam looks to Dean for… approval? He isn't sure. Riding alone with Lizzy seems awkward. She was very clearly trying to avoid Dean, especially for a long drive, and now he's stuck in the middle of their conflict.

"L, Sam can take the Impala and I can come with you, make sure you know everything… if you want," Dean cautiously offers. Sam knows his brother it trying his best to patch things up with Lizzy, but it might be too little too late.

"Don't call me that," she fires back with his use of her old nickname. "And I'd rather take the smart guy with me. You drive."

Dean drops his head in frustration and sighs. "Fuck me," Dean mutters quietly to himself, shaking his head as he walks to his car. He pulls out their Dad's journal through the open backseat window and tosses it to Sam. Sam catches it and with a look of apology, he opens the passenger side of Lizzy's car and ducks in. This was going to be uncomfortable at best, he thinks to himself as he flips through the old pages.

Two hours into the drive, he and Lizzy have been through everything he knows at least three times. He's warned her that Lou will not be her normal self anymore, but a much different, much more sadistic version than Lizzy knew and loved. It was something he had to prepare himself for also. He then explained to her that dead man's blood may slow down a vamp but beheading is really the only option to be sure one is dead. It's difficult seeing the many emotions make themselves present on Lizzy's battered face as they discuss everything, but she needs to know.

"Thanks Sam," Lizzy says once Sam is done. It is the first time Lizzy has used a sincere and warm tone of voice since she arrived at their doorstep. It is nice to hear. Sam's missed it.

"You're welcome," he returns with a tight-lipped smile.

Lizzy quietly begins singing 'Leaving You' as it plays on her IPod.

"You know, I've tried so many times to get Dean to use my iPod in the Impala," Sam says, desperate for conversation over awkward silence. "He refuses every time, saying something about making his baby douchey."

"Still insists on cassette tapes?" she questions.

"Yup."

"Creature of fucking habit, huh?" Lizzy questions, knowing the answer already, as she stays focused on the road ahead.

"Definitely," Sam replies with a very small smile. It's true. Dean never adjusts well to change, never has.

"Man, you guys are nothing alike, you know that?" Lizzy comments. "Lou and I would talk about you two sometimes and we could never quite figure out how it is that two men could be brought up the exact same way by the same father and be so absolutely different from one another."

Sam nods his head in agreement. They really were very different from one another and their lack of common ground has caused most of the issues they've had in the past, and in the present for that matter. However, he thinks Lizzy is implying that one brother was somehow better than the other and Sam certainly knows that that isn't true.

"Yeah, we're not all that alike," Sam agrees with her.

"Not at all," Lizzy agrees.

"We may be different, yes, but we aren't total opposites. We both still believe in many of the same things."

"Like what?" she questions.

"Like doing what we think is right, even if it hurts the people we care the most about."

He peeks at her in his periphery, looking for her reaction. She rolls her eyes at the statement. He knows he wasn't being subtle, but the animosity she is harboring toward his brother is unfair and seriously hurting Dean. He doesn't deserve it, not all of it at least, and she needs to know that.

"You may think he's being an ass, and maybe he is, but Dean never does anything without a valid reason," Sam explains. "He wants to protect everyone he cares about and trust me, Lizzy, he's trying to protect you."

"By giving up on me?" she bitterly asks.

"No. He's never given up on you. That isn't what he's doing." Sam suddenly feels like the rolls have reversed and he's the defensive older brother looking out for his little brother's best interest for once.

"Sure feels that way."

Her stubbornness is starting to get on his nerves. If he closed his eyes he'd swear he was talking to Dean. So thickheaded. Jesus, they really are made for each other.

"You don't know the whole story," Sam quickly returns with.

"Then why don't you share with the class, Sam?" Lizzy angrily suggests. "Something's up here, I know it. I'm going to find out sooner or later so spill." She's growing impatient with both of them and their secrecy.

"It's not my place to say," he refuses. Lizzy sighs loudly at this. "I'm sorry, but it's not."

"I know it isn't." He notices the change in her tone immediately. "Shit, I'm sorry. I'm taking my frustration out on you. I shouldn't even be talking about that jerk right now. Lou needs me and I'm being selfish and talking about my fucking guy problems."

"You're not being selfish," Sam lets her know.

"Yes, I am, but thanks for saying I'm not." She glances over at Sam and he smiles small to her. She's going through so much and he feels like there's so little he can do. It hurts. "I'm sorry you have to lose her too, Sam. I know how much she means to you. You have no idea how much she respects you and appreciates your friendship. Louie really relies on you."

Sam can't bring himself to look back at her. She's being so supportive even in a time when she should be a weak mess. Lizzy's strength is never ending and her selflessness has no bounds, he knows that now.

"And I know about after Christmas, by the way, when you two met up. She couldn't keep the secret from me. She was in such a good place when she got back that morning that I knew something was up. Wasn't too hard to get it outta her." Lizzy shares a grin with the memory. It was a good one because anytime Lou was that content in life, so was Lizzy. They were so close that one's happiness always was shared. "Just trust me when I say you are one of the most valuable things in her life. She might have even chosen you over her guitar if she had to."

"Doubt that," Sam tries to joke but it comes out too seriously.

"I don't," Lizzy confesses. "Lou puts on a hard exterior but I know her. She cared a lot about you, Sam. A whole lot."

With all that she's dealing with right now she's still doing what she can to comfort the people around her and Sam thinks to himself that Lizzy deserves so much more. She needs to know. She should know what it is that is making Dean shy away. Maybe it is the kindness she's displaying, or the fact that he is in such an emotional place, but he broke Dean's trust in that moment.

"Dean's going to Hell." It's simple and too basic, but it is said. Finally. He lets it out in one blurt of verbal diarrhea and gets it over with. He exhales hard and enjoys the burden being listed.

"No shit!" Lizzy laughs slightly at what she thinks is a joke. She's not getting what he was trying to explain to her at all. "How could he not, right?"

"No. No, Lizzy. Literally, Dean is going to Hell. In less than three months." Sam's wide eyes meet Lizzy's and he registers the confusion.

"What the fuck are you talking about, Sam?" she asks incredulously with a little huff, trying to figure out what it is Sam in blabbering about. He's making no sense.

"I'm not supposed to be alive right now. I got attacked last year. I was stabbed in the back and, and I died."

"You _died_?" she questions with disbelief. "Uh, Sam…."

"Yes. I died and Dean brought me back. He made a deal. Crossroads… they're real." He's rambling now and he knows it. He has no idea how to explain it all to her.

"Okay, hold on Sam-I-Am. Take a breather." Sam pauses and breathes deeply like she asks before Lizzy tries again. "Last I checked, once people die they fucking die so right now you're speaking in a totally different language. Start this whole thing over and slow down. And make some sense this time."

Sam dives right into the whole story, starting with Jake severing his spinal cord and ending with Dean telling Sam about the deal some days later. Lizzy never interrupts or questions any part of Sam's account. She simply stares out the windshield, jaw clenched and her knuckles turning brighter and brighter white as her grip on the steering wheel grows stronger with every new bit of information he gives.

Sam looks over to Lizzy once he's said it all and he's having a hard time reading her. She hasn't spoken yet and he has no idea how she's taking the news, though he suspects not well.

"Lizzy, you okay?" Sam asks while reaching an extended hand out in her direction and placing it on her shoulder. She says nothing but instead uses her turn signal before pulling over onto the side of the back road.

Once the car comes to a stop, the Impala doing the same behind them, Lizzy looks to Sam before quickly releasing her seatbelt and reaching for the handle of the door. He catches the outrage burning behind her eyes and frantically reaches for his own seatbelt as she flees the car and starts running towards the Chevy. Sam furiously fumbles with his own seatbelt, leaps out the door, and tries his best to catch up with her. He should have seen this coming, should have kept his damn mouth shut.

"No! Lizzy! Wait!"

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

Banging his hands on the steering wheel and singing along with James Hetfield, Dean thinks that the drive alone hasn't been a total bummer, even if Lizzy rejected him as a passenger. He instead finds solace in being isolated from Lizzy's venom for the time being. It's a welcomed rest.

"So give me fuel, give me fire, give me that which I desire, ooooh yeah-hay." He's belting it out in his car without worry. No disapproving face from Sam at his off-key voice.

He sees the turn signal begin blinking in front of him as the Mustang is pulling over onto the gravel shoulder of the backroad. He follows suit, pulling up some feet behind her, no idea what's going on.

"What the hell…?" Confusion strikes him hard as he watches Lizzy kick open her car door and start sprinting straight for him. He's startled by the sudden commotion but he's even more alarmed when Sam quickly exits his own side of the car and bolts after Lizzy.

"Lizzy! Wait!" he hears Sam shout after her.

She reaches the Impala before Sam could stop her and pounds her uninjured fist hard into the driver's side window with a loud bang that makes Dean jump in his seat.

"You stupid son of a bitch!" she screams at him through the glass. "What the hell is wrong with you!?" She brings back her foot, preparing to kick the door that stands between them, when Sam catches up and wraps his arms around her waist, pulling her away from the car.

"Stop it!" he shouts at her as he fights her attempts to get out of his grip. She's swinging and kicking, doing anything she can to free herself.

"What the fuck were you thinking, huh!? Where you even thinking at all!?" Lizzy continues barking at the man still in the car and Dean is rapidly putting everything together.

Sam told her. His idiot little brother broke his trust and told her the one thing he didn't want her to know, especially not right now. Dean opens the car door with a loud creak and steps out.

"How could you fucking do this!?" Lizzy shouts at the top of her lungs with pure fury aimed at him.

"Thanks Sam," Dean says without sincerity over her cries, Sam really struggling to keep her contained. "This is exactly what I _didn't_ want."

"How could you do something so fucking insane, Dean!? Do you have any idea what you did!?" She's irrational again and seeing her so filled with anger, panic, sorrow, everything all at once is devastating. He doesn't answer her barrage of questions. Instead he marches quickly towards her and pulls her away from Sam.

"Get the fuck off me, you asshole!" she hollers and continues fighting against a new guy, but Dean's hold never relents as he wraps his arms hard around her to restrain her.

"Lizzy, stop," Dean calmly asks of her, using all his strength to hold her.

"Do you know what they'll do to you down there!? Do you!?"

He just hugs her tighter, chest to chest, as she continues swinging and kicking. She's right, he knows full well that Hell will destroy him, and he's terrified. He looks over Lizzy's head and tries to telepathically let Sam know he's going to kick his ass for this. The apologetic expression he gets in return cools his rage a little, but not completely.

"Why!? Why are you this fucking stupid!?" Lizzy screams up at his face, her eyes wild with pure ire.

"I'm sorry," he says as he tucks her head under his chin with a hand to the back of her head. It's the only thing he says. It's the only thing he _can_ say. "L, I'm sorry."

"Why!?" she questions as her physical assault begins to subside not that he's holding her so tightly. Lizzy tries to shove Dean away from her with no avail. He holds tight. "Why!?" she repeats one last time after her final attempt fails. She leans into his frame, her arms dropped by her sides in total defeat, and weeps into his chest for the second time in 24 hours. "Why did you do this?"

"I had to," he explains to her, speaking into her dark hair.

"No you didn't," she sobs out, forehead pressed to his leather jacket. "You didn't have to." She punches a useless fist into his side weakly. "God Dean, you're gonna leave me again. Why are you doing this to me? You can't do this to me."

"Please don't say that…" Dean tries to get out but his voice is teetering at best.

"How do I live knowing where you are?" she sobs, heart smashing to pieces. "How do I live with this? God, you're such an asshole." Her high-pitched ranting finally consumes her and she give in to uncontrollable sobbing with her helplessness.

Dean closes his eyes and drops his chin onto the top of her head. When he made the deal, he knew he ruined his own life and he was fine with that. But at the time he never really thought about what he had done to the lives around him, to the few people that actually gave a shit about him, when he bargained away his soul.

"Dean," her voice pleads with him. "Don't leave me too. Please. Don't leave me…."

He had thought his heart couldn't break any further, but she smashes it into yet a million more tiny pieces with her pleas.

"Fuck you," she quietly says and it's the last she gets out for a while. Instead she just cries with the already there loss as she lets Dean actually hold onto her, stowing her hatred for the moment.

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

Her words, shouted and sobbed out while she comes to terms with Dean's fate, are stabbing into Sam's heart. Watching her beg Dean not to leave her is absolutely gut-wrenching and he thinks Lizzy's pain may just kill his brother before the hellhounds ever get a shot at him.

Sam makes his way to the Mustang to turn it off and give them some time alone. In Lizzy's fury she left it running. Before Sam turns the keys in the ignition he finds it horribly ironic that 'D'yer Mak'er' is playing over the speakers. So fucking perfect in the moment. He turns off the engine but lets the stereo keep playing in the hopes of drowning out Lizzy's audible distress.

_You hurt me to my soul, ohh oh oh oh ooh oh. Darlin' please don't go._

He eases down sideways into the driver's seat with his legs stretching out of the door's frame. Back hunched and hands folded in his lap, Sam closes his lids and starts searching his brain, desperately willing it to find a solution to all the problems they're facing. Nothing comes. Just like the past several months of searching to answers and ways out of Dean's deal… nothing comes to mind.

_But I still love you so. And I can't let you go. I love you. Ooh a-baby I love you-ahh._

He opens his eyes and looks back to where Dean and Lizzy are standing, still enclosed in their dismal hold on each other. Reality is so twisted that anything resembling normal is so far off in the distance he could no longer see it clearly. Good thing he hated rainbows, and sunshine can go fuck itself. This is the life they were given, this is the story they have to write. No amount of wishing and praying would ever change that.

_You don't have to go oh oh oh ohh. Ahh baby, babe please, please, please, please._

* * *

 


	5. Popculture Whore

* * *

They've been sitting in silence for nearly 50 miles. Dean took over for Lizzy and is driving her car, Sam following in the Impala. Once Dean was able to get her into the passenger seat, he settled into the driver's side for the long haul. In any other circumstance he'd be elated to drive the pristine Mustang but right now he can't enjoy it. He's too concerned with Lizzy after his big bad secret was revealed.

After he pulled back out onto the road, Lizzy reached across the middle console and without a word intertwined her fingers in his. She has yet to let go, which is more than fine with Dean. Any contact with her is very welcomed at this point. Lizzy has spent the whole ride quietly singing while staring out past the glass of the window at nothing in particular. She put on Neil Young's 'Harvest Moon' album, one of Lou's very favorites, and 'You and Me' begins playing.

"Open up your heart. Let the lovin' start. Open up and let the light back in."

The slightly off-pitch voice that he's grown so fond of floats across the cab and he thinks it's the most soothing sound his ears have ever encountered.

The song sadly makes him think about them, about all the time he lost with her because of his deal. Being so determined to keep her away was far easier when he wasn't near her or speaking to her. But now she's here, sitting right next to him, singing with her terrible voice and holding his hand. Now… everything seems impossible without her. Now he feels like he wasted the last year being away from her at all.

"Open up your eyes. See how life time flies. Open up and let the light back in."

She audibly sighs as the song comes to an end and the next begins. Sounds to him like she finds the same meaning in it that he does. The silence between them has lasted too long and Dean decides to at least try and talk to her.

"Lizzy? You doing ok over there?" Stupid question, he knows, but he has to say something.

"Not at all," she answers while maintaining her focus out the side window.

Unsure of how to respond, Dean keeps quiet. Why does he always suck with words in times when he needed to find the right ones the most?

"You ever hear that stupid ass saying… when it rains it pours?" she asks him.

"Yeah."

"I feel like I am stuck in the middle of some insane, apocalyptic-sized monsoon. And I'm drowning," she depressively tells him.

"I am more than familiar with that feeling." He really is.

"I know I need to focus on one thing at a time and Lou is first on the list, but every time I try to keep my mind on her, I get brought back to you. Then I try to focus on what the hell I'm going to do about you, and I get brought right back to Lou. It's like my brain won't let me fully process any one thing."

"Maybe you should go with something else then. Try to find a new thing to think about." It's a long shot, but he needs to do something to get her out of her own head, even if it's just for a short time.

"Not sure that's possible." Actually, it's totally impossible, she thinks.

"I don't think I would have gotten through the majority of this past year without being able to avoid the shit parade constantly running through my head," Dean tells her. "It's possible, believe me." He's found very few effective coping mechanisms in the past year, his favorite one being booze. Drinking on the road, however, not exactly a good idea.

"Alright, smartass… how?"

"I just force myself to think about less depressing stuff, something that will keep me occupied. Like, ah," he scours his brain. "Okay, one time I couldn't sleep. Brain just wouldn't leave me alone and I spent the whole night staring at the dirty motel ceiling and coming up with the best movie quotes I could remember. Next thing I knew I was waking up the next morning."

"God. Such a pop culture whore," she name calls without a hint of levity. She doesn't even smile.

"Yeah…" Dean slowly draws out, completely agreeing with her comment. "Seriously though, it works. For me at least."

"So what'd you got?" she asks, still keeping her focus out the window.

"'Listen...'" He pauses, accepting her challenge. "'Do you smell something?'"

Lizzy huffs quietly. "Gotta respect the classics," she says in a low tone.

"Exactly. I love Ghostbusters. Both of them. And not in some ironic way either since I kill ghosts."

"Me too. They're excellent. Those and Dumb and Dumber have always held a special place in my heart."

"Ah, old school Jim Carrey. Nothing like it."

She nods in agreement, but grows silent again. Maybe he went too light hearted for her situation right now.

"'The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson,'" she begins, "'I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling… where I'd do anything to bone her.'" Despite the even and humorless tone, she shares a very tiny, almost unnoticeable smile when she finally looks at him.

Dean laughs out loud. On second thought, maybe he got it right. He decides to share his personal favorite from the same movie. "'I'll tell you were we'll go. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano.'"

"'I'm talkin' 'bout a little place called... Aspen.'" They say the last part of the quote in unison and Lizzy huffs again.

"God damn, I love that movie." She smiles very slightly.

"'Do you see what happens, Larry?'" Dean starts while looking over to her with an eyebrow lifted.

"'Do you see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass?'" she adds, finishing the quote for him.

"Yes!" Dean hits the steering wheel in excitement. "One of the best movies ever made. Pure genius from beginning to end."

"Can't argue there. Cohen brothers are brilliant." It feels good to talk like this, even if she feels a little guilty doing so. Her world has crashed completely down around her yet she's finding a way to escape for just a moment. Dean somehow found a way to make it better for her. God, she missed him so much.

"That movie also pulls off the impossible," Dean mentions. "They made the censored for TV version just as funny. Unprecedented!"

"Oh yeah. They totally did. 'Do you see what happens, Larry? Do you see what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps?'"

"Exactly!" Wow, he's _really_ missed her.

"'My uncle says you got a screw loose,'" she says, waiting for Dean to finish it off.

"'Your uncle molests collies,'" he completes. They both laugh, Lizzy finally letting herself enjoy the moment fully. Dean's more than grateful to hear her do so. It's a beautiful sound.

"Excellent pick up on the Caddyshack reference," she compliments.

"Thank you.

"You're welcome."

"Does that mean I'm back on your good side?" he hopes.

"Not at all," she tells him. She is still angry, much angrier than she's letting on right now, but she's lightening up. She can't help it. The feelings she had for him, the ones she's been doing her best to shove deep within her, are beginning to breach the surface.

They play their game for a long time as the miles fly by and their destination creeps closer and closer. Lizzy even changed the music from Neil Young to the much livelier Boston self-titled album; a surefire sign of her lifting spirits. Lizzy always matched her music with her mood. After several more shared passages, she comes up with one that acquires Dean's full appreciation.

"I'm an artist," she begins and Dean whips his head around to look at her with total shock on his face, knowing what she's about to say. "'I mean, Michelangelo worked in stone, Van Gogh worked in oils, I work in pussy.'"

"Holy shit." His eyes widen in amazement at what he hears.

"Seriously?" she asks with surprise. "You love that movie too?"

"Love doesn't even begin to cover it, L… Lizzy," he informs her.

"Wow. I always thought I was the only person on Earth who liked Porky's 2 better than the original."

"You're not! And you're officially better than awesome in my book." Fork neatly stuck in, he's done for once more.

* * *

 

"Things any better between you two?" Sam asks, hoping to get a positive answer.

"Uh… yeah. I think so. Surprisingly," Dean tells him, though he isn't really sure _how_ much better. They have a long road ahead of them.

The sound and gust of wind from the semi driving by makes them pause. They've found a motel just outside Oklahoma City limits and Lizzy is checking them in while the two stand outside the small office waiting. She insisted it be on her tab… or J. Jett's tab… since they were helping her.

"Good," Sam states, relieved. He leans against the Impala and gives Dean that puppy dog expression he has when he's remorseful. "Look, Dean, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have told her. It wasn't my place to."

Dean thinks for a moment but gives in. "It's fine," he waves off, trying to avoid the heart-to-heart he's sure is coming.

"No. It's not fine," Sam tells him. He hates when Dean acts like things are okay when they aren't. "I feel bad that I did that. It should have come from you."

"You're right, it should have," Dean agrees easily to that. "But it didn't and things are still alright. Don't beat yourself up over this one, Sammy." He claps his younger brother on the shoulder to show him that everything really is good.

Sam shoves his hands in his pockets and relaxes a little. He's relieved to know that Dean wasn't ready to strangle him like he'd thought.

"Did you talk about it?" Sam asks after pausing for some time.

"About what?"

Great. Another thing Sam hates is when Dean plays the ignorance card. "About what's gonna happen after you… leave." He's known about Dean's expiration date for nine months now, but it's never gotten easier to say out loud.

"Nah, avoided that one. Which is a good thing, if you ask me."

"Why is that good?"

"We got to spend a whole three hours having normal conversation. I'm tired of talking about Hell, and loss, and demons, and all the other numerous shitty things that are ahead of us. Felt good, like a little vacation or something." It really had. It's been a nightmare for so long and in the car he finally got a break. "A vacation from my problems," he smiles out, continuing he and Lizzy's little game.

"Huh?" Sam's confused.

"What about Bob?" Dean informs him.

"Who's Bob?"

"Forget it." He shakes his head. He should have known Sam wouldn't get it.

"Well, I get why you wouldn't want to talk about all that," Sam responds. It does feel like every discussion between the two of them has been depressing for so long now. When did their lives get so damn complicated and sad?

"We're all set. Last room on the end, number 16," Lizzy says while coming out of the office and hands over the key to Dean. "When does Bobby get here?"

"Few more hours," Sam answers as he opens one of the backseat Chevy doors to get Dean and his bags along with their weapons.

"Sounds good," Dean announces. "Let's throw our stuff inside and start making a game plan then."

Sam tosses Dean his bag and after Lizzy retrieves a couple duffels of her own the three start walking towards the room at the end of the row.

Once inside, they all come to the same quick realization.

"Uh, this room is kinda small," Dean says out loud as he scans the cramped quarters.

"No kidding," Sam adds. "And all four of us are staying in here?"

"Maybe we should get a second room," Dean suggests. He watches Lizzy's shoulders stiffen at the suggestion as she tosses one of her bags on the bathroom floor.

"No," Lizzy responds very quickly, making the men look to each other with that knowing look they always pass between them. Lizzy sighs after seeing it. "Look, I have a blow up mattress in the car and the guy at the desk told me he'd get us a cot. We're fine. Plus, with vamps in the area, we shouldn't separate." Her eyes dart around the room nervously, giving her away.

They know there's more to this.

"You alright, Lizzy?" Sam asks with concern.

"Fine," she responds while playing with the cuff of her jacket and avoiding their gazes.

"Bullshit," Dean calls out and walks over to her, knowing full well she was lying. He gets her to look him in the eyes. "What's going on in there?" he nods to her head.

"I'm just saying, wouldn't it be safer to hole up all together? Strength in numbers and all that shit?" Her face is shrouded in distress at the thought of being without both of them close by. She needs security and as much of it as she can get. She practically begs him to make it happen with the emotion in her eyes.

"Yeah," Dean agrees for her sake the second he gets it. "We should stay together, right Sam?" He turns to his brother for help. He's never seen Lizzy so scared in his life and he's seen her in some seriously dangerous situations before.

"Sure. No problem," Sam nods. Whatever will help Lizzy, they'll both do it happily.

"Good," Lizzy says to both, shoulders dropping a bit at their agreement, and goes back to keeping busy. She's settling down now, knowing they won't leave her side anytime soon. She's missed having this extended arm of her family over the year and the warm and reassuring feeling she used to have with them around is beginning to slowly creep its way back.

To keep occupied, Lizzy decides to take a peek at what Dean and Sam had packed up weapon wise. She drops the bag they'd put together on the farthest bed, having been told it was a little of everything they found in both her car and the Impala. While facing the rest of the room she unzips the pack and starts looking. She sees her trusty handgun first and takes it out. Should probably clean it, it's been a while. That's keep her busy for sure.

Dean spies the new piece in her hand and finally asks about it as he was really curious when he saw it in her arsenal. "Upgraded, huh?"

"Yeah, well I don't know if you remember or not, but I lost my old 17 in that blast back in Nebraska City. Needed to get a new one and I went with the Glock 24 this time."

"Nice," he compliments. "I like it. Suits you."

"Thanks," she answers, agreeing with him. She drops the piece on the bed next to her and digs further into the bag to take out any other artillery needing a good cleaning. Her hand wraps around the familiar worn wooden handle sitting towards the bottom and she knows what she's found without even looking. She pulls out the old sawed-off shotgun and stands stock still while looking it over.

"Shit," Sam mutters, looking up from his own bag while gesturing for Dean to look back in Lizzy's direction. They watch her stare at Lou's prized possession and wait. They don't know what to do. They can't read her mind and they aren't usually any good in emotional situations like this usually.

Lizzy grips tightly to the piece and closes her eyes. A tear trails its way down her cheek and she turns away from Sam and Dean on the other side of the room. She sits down on the edge of the bed and faces the empty wall instead, needing the moment to compose herself. This gun, this stupid gun, was Lou's favorite weapon. She used it every chance she got, her attachment growing with every pull of the trigger.

She thinks about the time she tried to take it out on a haunted museum hunt and Lou nearly kicked her ass for it. That was Lou's gun. Nothing will change that.

Her back hunched and small, Dean can tell even without seeing her face that things just got bad. Not able to leave her alone when in this state, even now when he knows she could easily not want him near her, Dean wastes no time in walking around the bed and kneeling between her feet. He brushes her hair to the side to get a clear shot of her eyes and tries to get some sort of contact with her but her sights remain glued to the shotgun now in her lap.

"She never goes anywhere without this damn thing," she sniffles, fingertips running over the time smoother wooden handle. "How did this happen?" She falls apart again and starts to cry hard.

Sam walks over and takes a seat on the bed next to her, his hands in his lap and a few inches between them. Emotional moments like this aren't his forte and he's not exactly comfortable with them. But then Lizzy drops her head on his shoulder and he pushes through his awkwardness. Her heart hurts, absolutely aches without Lou and he knows the feeling.

"It just did," Sam says quietly while wrapping an arm around her shoulders in what he hopes is a comforting gesture. She doesn't move so he thinks it is. "But it's something that we all know is possible. Hunting is dangerous. Really good hunters die all the time."

"Not Louie. She's too good, too smart," Lizzy gives in once more to sobbing. She's so tired of crying but she can't stop it from coming. "This was never supposed to happen this way. I'm the reckless one. I'm the one this kinda thing was supposed to happen to. Not her."

"No, hey," Dean says to her while placing his hands on her knees. She looks over to him with brimming eyes while still leaning hard onto Sam for support. "Don't say things like that. You'll kill yourself having thoughts like that."

"But I was the smart ass whose mouth got us into this trouble in the first place. Should've kept my mouth shut when that stupid fucking vamp bumped into me. It's my fault. All of it." Her shoulders heave as she cries harder.

"No," Sam whispers, pained by her guilt. He clears his throat. "No. You couldn't have known."

"But it got her fucking turned… I did that."

"And you think Lou would want you to feel this way?" Sam gently challenges her thoughts. "Because I'm pretty sure she wouldn't want you to blame yourself."

Lizzy nods while never picking her head back up. "I know… but I can't help it," Lizzy admits while taking a deep breath. Staring down at the old shotgun in her hand once again, she tries to steady her emotions. "I just can't believe we… god, we have to kill her."

Neither speak after that. It's frightening. Horribly frightening. And it's what has to happen.

"Thank you," Lizzy says while sitting up. She sniffles and leaves the shotgun in her lap while wiping her teary eyes. "Both of you. Seriously. I know I just showed up on your doorstep with this and it's really heavy."

"We want to help you, Lizzy," Sam assures her. "We're glad you showed up."

"I just… I know there's no way I could do this without either of you," she confesses, looking to Sam and then to Dean, lingering on him a little longer. "I don't like it but… I needed your help. Big time."

"We'd never leave you hanging. You or Lou," Dean promises to her. "Like you said before, we're family."

"Yeah. What little I have left," she comments while still looking at Dean. He watches as her eyes water over again. "Growing smaller by the fucking day."

The wave of overwhelming sadness attacks her again and she hunches over, crying at the thought of just how this family of hers is going to shrink even more in the coming months.

Sam looks at his brother for help, not knowing how to comfort the completely broken woman this time. Dean doesn't bother connecting eyes with him as he can't look away from Lizzy.

Part of her pain is on him. He's doing this to her as much as Lou is. He feels about one inch tall for that and he doesn't know what to do with it.

Luckily for him, Lizzy makes the move for him. She leans forward, elbows on her knees and hands covering her face. Her forehead presses into his shoulder and rests there, her ear to neck as she tries to sap come form for comfort from him while still cautious of him. She's pissed off as all hell… but she needs him.

Dean closes his eyes and places a hand at the back of her head. Heart shattered, he says quietly to her, "We got you, L. We're here."

* * *

 


	6. You Need to Eat Something

* * *

Lizzy sits Indian-style on the motel room floor with John's journal open in front of her. She reads over his handwriting for the hundredth time, never once absorbing anything. Sam already did a great job of preparing her and she knows there isn't any new information for her in it, but she needs a way to occupy herself and appear busy.

Dean and Sam sit across from each other on the side by side beds and work on cleaning weaponry. They took the job from Lizzy, telling her to relax a bit and not worry about it. Dean had hoped she'd use the time to get some sleep seeing how drained she is with the emotional distress of everything, but Lizzy clearly isn't able to do so. She paced, she fidgeted, and she could barely sit still. Finally she settled down and looked through their dad's journal, though Dean's pretty sure she isn't really reading it at all.

The knock on the door cuts through the comfortable silent the three had going. Lizzy breaths in deep and stands. She's knows it's Bobby and her heart sinks but not with the idea of seeing Bobby. She loves him very much and having him there is a wonderful luxury right now. But he's going to want answers and she's going to have to talk about everything… again. That's the last thing she wants to do.

Lizzy pulls open the door and Bobby looks at her, taking in the terrible shape she's in much like Dean had told him the day before.

"Jesus," he mumbles with the surprise. The warning didn't help. Her face is a mess. "You're a sight for sore eyes."

"No shit," she says while stepping up to him and giving him a hug. "It's not too bad."

She stays there for longer than usual, holding on to the closest thing she has to a father these days. When he feels her hugging him like this he returns it while biting his tongue to keep from falling too far into his sorrow when they have serious work to do. Bobby squeezes a little too tight in their embrace though. "Well, maybe the ribs aren't so great," she struggles out.

"Sorry," Bobby apologizes while backing away, the obvious guilt he feels on his face.

"Don't worry about it," she assures him, her smile faker than fake and he can see right through it. "Just some pretty good bruising. No breaks."

"Good," he tells her while walking past her and into the small motel room.

"Hey Bobby," Sam greets without any excitement from his seat, Dean turning his head to nod his own hello.

"Boys," Bobby nods to them while putting down his bag on the floor. "So, fill me in? What are we dealing' with?"

Lizzy stares down at the old mustard-colored carpet and shifts awkwardly on her feet. She knew she was going to have to go recap, and relive, the whole experience again once Bobby arrived but honestly she'd give anything not to.

"Um, Dean, why don't you get Bobby up to speed," Sam cuts in after observing Lizzy's reaction and thinking quickly. "Lizzy and I can get some dinner while you do." He looks to Dean, hoping he understands what he is trying to do.

"Ok," Dean agrees, catching on quickly. "Yeah, sounds good."

Lizzy grabs her coat without another word and heads out the door, Sam on her heels. This was a perfect out and she's not going to waste it.

They get into the Impala and immediately Lizzy's searching through the shoebox of cassettes. Watching her, Sam starts up the car.

"Just no Motorhead," he requests as she rifles. "He's been playing that on repeat for a week."

Still searching, Lizzy smiles a little. "Lucky you."

Sam just huffs in return, not feeling luck at all.

Lizzy settles on Blind Faith's self-titled album and pops it into the stereo. The opening riff to 'Had to Cry Today' starts up and she settles back into her seat. Looking to her side as Sam gets the car on the road she can see his tense position, body betraying him. He's still an overly nervous mess with everything, just as she is, but he still helped her out back there. She knows he did.

"Sam-I-Am… thanks," Lizzy tells him quietly.

"No problem," he returns quickly.

She smiles at him and reaches across the bench seat to grab his hand just like she had done with Dean on their ride in earlier, knowing exactly why it was that Sam thought now was a good time to make a food run.

"Seriously, I appreciate it." They stay with their fingers linked for the ride, Lizzy finding comfort in the contact. The two had never been very touchy-feely before, keeping their physical contact to hugs hello and goodbye and the likes, but now she feels closer to Sam. Lou wasn't Lou anymore but the two of them knew the real her better than anyone else and it's a link they share.

After some time riding quietly Lizzy gets itchy for something to divert her brain.

"So has shit really gotten as bad as Dean's been saying?"

Glancing at her before looking back to the road, he says, "It's been a little busier out there, yeah. But I'm sure you've noticed." Sam knows she had to have. Any good hunter has recognized just how dangerous it's been as of late, and Lizzy and Lou have always been above and beyond the average hunter. Together they made a deadly team and the thought that they wouldn't be working together again leaves Sam troubled.

"Oh I have, definitely. Especially with demons. Dude, those things are everywhere now," Lizzy says. She and Lou have had an unusually high amount of run-ins with the blacked eyed things in the past several months. "You know, Lou had this theory that something big had to have happened. She thinks something let a ton of them out of the pit, like maybe somehow a hole to Hell had opened and just droves of evil shit were able to get free."

"Really?" Sam asks with disbelief. "She thought that?" Sam's impressed yet again by Lou's abilities as a hunter. She always had a sixth sense when it came to putting together even the most difficult cases and once again, somehow, Lou had figured it out. He wishes he could tell her in person just how right she was.

"Yeah. I mean, when we ran into a demon we had sent packing a few months before we knew something pretty fucked up happened. I mean, I thought once they were sent back to Hell, that was it. They were back for good."

"Not always," Sam sighs. "They can crawl back out sometimes. There are ways." He pauses for a moment and decides what the hell, might as well tell her what happened. "Lou was right, you know."

"What?" Lizzy asks disbelieving.

"She was right. It was a Hell's gate out in Wyoming. It was opened and, like Lou guessed, a ton of evil shit was let free. That's why it's been so crazy out there."

"And that's why every time we'd talk to you on the phone you'd end it with a 'be careful out there' or 'watch out for each other' like you were our father?" she asks with an eyebrow raised.

"Pretty much," he smiles small over to her and Lizzy returns it. She'd thought it was adorable whenever he'd say such things to them. All three were the same age, but he cared for them, wanted to protect them, like an older brother would. He must have picked the behavior up from Dean through the years.

"Why do I have the distinct feeling that you know so much about this Hell Gate being opened because you and Dean had something to do with it?" She knows them too well by now to not think that they were involved somehow. If it was big, the Winchesters were in on it; well-known fact.

"In a way, yes. We didn't open it though," he assures her.

"How'd it open then?"

"Remember that demon we were after, the one that killed mom… and Jess… and dad?"

The car is quiet aside from the radio quietly playing with the mention of this particular demon. Lizzy sits in shock. "No fucking way," she says, looking wide eyed at Sam with shock.

"Yes… um, way," Sam tells her. "It managed to open it before we could stop it."

"Please tell me you ended that evil son of a bitch," Lizzy says while gripping tighter onto Sam's hand, praying that they had finally been vindicated for a lifetime of loss and pain. This thing dragged them kicking and screaming into a terrible life and, in her mind, the only way justice would be served is if that thing was annihilated by the brothers themselves.

"Dean made sure of it," Sam tells her, recalling the moment with pure, sick pleasure. He stops there though, not wanting to recall the entire story to her. The appearance of his dad, the demon blood in him, Jake; all details for another time and place.

"Good," Lizzy says with very dark enthusiasm. "That piece of shit had it coming for doing what it did to you two." She looks out the windshield as they pull up to a small, local strip mall with a liquor store and a pizza place. "I hope he suffered," she comments with that same sick enjoyment Sam has over it while dropping his hand and getting out of the car.

* * *

Dean runs Bobby through everything Lizzy told him the second she and Sam, speaking the second Sam and Lizzy left the room. He didn't know how long they'd be gone but he certainly didn't want her to have to re-experience any of it yet again. And if he is planning to get Lizzy to eat tonight then they better be done with this conversation before she returns. Besides the slice of bacon she stole from him that morning he hasn't seen Lizzy eat anything since she met up with them. She didn't even eat the breakfast he'd gotten her, chocolate chip pancakes. He remembered her mentioning her love for them a while back, something about making her feel like a kid again and Lou's dad making them for her when she was young. He had thought it would work but no luck. She just wasn't hungry. The problem is that she needs to get some food in her, keep her strength up, if she plans on going through with this hunt. Continuing to starve herself would make her more of a liability than anything.

"God damn," Bobby sits back with a sign. "This is one hell of a mess."

"I know, Bobby," Dean responds with a pained look. "It's been… rough. To put it lightly."

"I can only imagine… though you look like you're still in pretty good shape," Bobby comments with an edge to his tone.

"Maybe on the outside," he remarks under his breath.

"Exactly," Bobby responds quickly. "Which means she hasn't beat the living snot outta you yet. I figured she'd greet you with the ass whooping of a lifetime… and she could whoop you good if she wanted to."

Dean glares at Bobby with disdain, though really he knows that the old man makes a really good point. Dean himself is surprised he doesn't look worse than she does by now considering her temper and penchant for a solid fight. And man, she can seriously kick some ass if she wants to. The woman is dangerous.

"I know," he finally agrees, giving in to the truth Bobby doles out. "She's already beat to hell though. No need to make it worse, I guess."

"Or she's just too tired to kill you," Bobby remarks. "Maybe before she recovers fully you high tail it out of town."

"I doubt that's gonna happen," Dean admits, knowing that now that he's seen her he doesn't know how to ditch her again.

"It better," Bobby dangerously warns.

"What's that mean?" Dean takes offence.

"Boy, you have played with her head enough," Bobby accuses with still running anger for how Dean's treated someone so close to him. When this is done… you best be gone before she gets more hurt than she already is by you."

Dean looks away, the guilt all over his face. Bobby reads him immediately.

"What is it?" Bobby grumpily questions.

"Sam told her."

"Told her what?" Bobby asks hesitantly with a good idea of what Dean's talking about.

"About my date with the devil."

"Balls," Bobby laments. "The hell would he do that for?"

"Because he's a freakin' mess with all this. First me, now Lou?" Dean explains. "He was weak. And he thought she deserved to know."

"She did," Bobby says, concurring fully with Sam. "But I think you probably should've been the one to drop that bomb."

"Yeah, I know Bobby." Dean knows it's true, but if Sam hadn't told her, who knows if Dean would have had the courage to. He's almost grateful for Sam's betrayal of trust at this point. "But it's out there now. So… there's that."

The pain in his expression, the fear of everything in his eyes. His kid is drowning in guilt with the mess he's made for himself. And Bobby can't help but feel bad for him, despite it all being the kid's fault in the first place. So instead of lay into him he smirks very lightly. "When the hell did I get dropped into a damned soap opera?"

"Shut up," Dean relaxes a little when Bobby doesn't yell at him.

"So," Bobby starts to respond, changing the subject to the issue at hand, "I've got a few concerns here."

"Alright, shoot."

"Well, first is we don't know if the nest is actually still around here. Could've moved on by now," Bobby says.

"We already know their favorite hangout, or at least Lizzy does," Dean offers up. "That's how this whole thing started, she and Lou running into the vamps at a dive bar, literally. If they're still in town, we'll find them there."

"Okay, we can check the place out later tonight. Figure we should wait until a few hours after dark."

"Easy enough," Dean responds.

"Yeah… as long as Lizzy doesn't come with," Bobby warns.

"What? Why not?"

"Because we don't want Lou picking' up on her scent, you idjit," Bobby says. "She knows Lizzy too well and would know she's around immediately if near enough, especially if Lou's fed already. Her senses are gonna be sharp as hell once she has."

"That's just great," Dean sarcastically says. Lou's a great hunter already. Having vampire senses to enhance that will just make this whole situation that much more impossible. "She'll be deadly."

"Yes she will," Bobby agrees. "And that brings me to the second thing I'm worried about. Those girls are like soul mates, if they aren't in fact so, and Lou may not want to go through blood-sucking eternity without Lizzy."

"Meaning?" Dean asks with alarm. He already doesn't like were this is going.

"Meaning… Lou would probably want to add Lizzy to her nest."

"You think Lou would do that? Go after Lizzy like that?" Dean worries out loud.

"Yeah, I think it's completely in the realm of possibility. They have a bond that goes beyond normal reasoning, which I think you and Sam can fully understand."

"So… we really need to keep Lizzy away," Dean summarizes. "Sounds fine and dandy but explaining that to her is gonna be a bitch."

"Why?" Bobby asks.

"She wants to be a part of this. She insisted, actually. And I can't blame her. Put me in her shoes and I'd be exactly the same. She's not gonna like being told that she can't go."

"Pigheaded little thing, ain't she," Bobby name calls.

"Oh, you don't know the half of it," Dean concurred wholeheartedly, washing a hand down his face with exhaustion.

* * *

Once Lizzy and Sam get back to the motel, pizza and plenty of beer in tow, Dean and Bobby end their conversation. They had a tentative plan in place to at least get on the nest's trail but they weren't going to share it with Lizzy until she's eaten something as per Dean's request.

Now Dean intently watches as she sits on the floor with her back resting against to foot of one of the beds, a beer in one hand and the TV remote in the other. She absentmindedly flips through the channels, not really registering anything she sees, and avoids the barely eaten slice of pizza on a paper plate that rests on the carpet in front of her. Considering the nickname 'The Human Garbage Disposal' that Lou had so lovingly bestowed upon her, this is not normal behavior for Lizzy.

Dean decides to take action on the issue. He gets up from his chair at the small motel table, takes a new slice from one of the pizza boxes, and walks to her spot. He kneels down to her and drops the food onto her plate as she looks up at him with resistance.

"You gotta eat something, Lizzy," he tells her in a gentle tone.

His actions remind Sam of when they were younger. Sam was never a big eater, even when he was a kid, and Dean used to be on him about it all the time. His big brother only gets this way with the people most important to him so Sam isn't surprised by his actions in the least. However, he is happy that, for once, the focus is on someone else though.

"Thanks, Dad," she sarcastically bites at his instruction and rolls her eyes.

"Bite your tongue, young lady," Bobby warns her from his own chair at the table. "He's only looking out for you."

"I'm sure he is," she mutters with a bite and Bobby ignores her.

"And he's right, you have to eat something." This is where Bobby gives her that look and she knows better than to argue.

Lizzy clenches her jaw in frustration with the ganging up and sighs. She knows she's acting like a defiant little child but she doesn't care. The last thing she wants to do is eat right now but, instead of fight them, she picks up the new slice. She takes a giant bite out of it and smiles sarcastically up at Dean. "Happy?" she asks with a mouthful.

"Yup," Dean shakes his head in disbelief as he gets up from the floor to return to his seat. "I just don't want you running on empty. Sorry for helping," he tells her as he walks away.

"Whatever," she grumbles and continues to force down more of the food. Anything to get the others in the room off her case. Who cares about food this much in a time like this anyways?

The four sit quietly, the television's ever changing channels being the only noise in the room, and they finish eating. Not one of the men in room attempt to bring up any kind of game plan until Lizzy finishes the pizza on her plate. Unfortunately, they all noticed that she washes the meal down with three bottles of beer. Not a good start. As if she wasn't emotional enough, tying on a good buzz before telling her she can't help much with the hunt for Lou is going to make her even more unmanageable.

"Alright kids, it's getting' late," Bobby breaks into the silence as he stands up and tosses out a couple paper plates and used napkins into the small motel trash can. He then looks right at Lizzy on the floor. "We need to head out. Dean and I think it best that we stake out that bar you girls went to when you ran into the vamps in the first place. See who's coming and going, if they're still there at all."

"Sounds good," Lizzy agrees easily enough, ready to get out of the room and be productive. She stands up and throws out her own trash.

"Hey, uh… what was the name of the place?" Dean asks her, hoping she'll just easily give the information before they tell her she is staying behind.

"Called Edna's up on Classen Drive. Real dive, you can't miss it," she answers while standing and reaching for her coat.

"Okay. Good," Bobby nods as he looks from Dean to Sam, preparing for the blow up. "Sam and I are gonna go case the joint." Sam nods his agreement in return. Bobby then glances Lizzy's way, waiting for the negative reaction he's sure will follow.

"I'll come with. I know where the place is," she says easily, arms threating through her jacket. "I can take you there."

"Actually," Dean cautiously begins, quickly contemplating cupping his own manhood out of preemptive protection. "We think it's best you don't stay here."

She looks at him with a furrowed brow. "And why would that be?" she questions with annoyance and a little fire behind her voice.

"There's a good chance that Lou'll be able to pick up on your scent," Bobby explains. "On the off chance that she can, you need to stay away."

"Can't risk being exposed, not this soon," Dean adds.

"Shit," Lizzy complains in a defeated tone while taking off her coat and throwing it down onto one of the chairs at the table. She knows they are right, that it wouldn't be safe or smart for her to go, and honestly, she's just too damn tired to argue with them. "Alright."

"Seriously?" Dean says surprised by how easily the conversation goes over. She didn't fight at all. This feels wrong. "That's it?"

"Yeah. I mean, I understand. We have to do this right." Lizzy plops down onto the foot of one of the beds. "We can't fuck this up. Lou needs us."

"Glad you see that," Bobby says thankfully to her. He then grabs his own coat. "You and Dean sit tight and if we need anything, we'll call."

Lizzy looks over to Dean, quickly mulling over the thought of being trapped in a motel room, going crazy over being unable to help out her sister, and being stuck with the one person she's still angry with and utterly confused over.

"Sounds fucking awesome," she complains while flopping back onto the bed.

* * *

 


	7. Sex Now, Baggage Later

* * *

An hour has gone by and no word from Sam or Bobby while on their stake out. Lizzy and Dean, sprawled out one on each bed, watch Seinfeld reruns and bide their time. Neither is paying attention to the show, however. Their minds are too preoccupied to absorb anything else.

"I hate this," Lizzy finally grumbles while suddenly sitting up. She needs to at least start some kind of conversation to fill the absolutely stifling stillness inside the room. She's not allowed to help, not allowed to go out there and try and find Lou, and it's making her itchy.

"I know you do," Dean responds, never letting his eyes drift from the small television screen.

"Can't handle this crap. At least talk to me and give me something to occupy my thoughts with instead of just sitting here all awkward and shit."

Internally, Dean knows this is a bad idea. He knows them too well, even after a year. She's going to want to talk deep shit, like she always does, and he's not going to want to, like he never does.

But she needs something right now. If Sam were the one out there, turned and on the loose, he'd be a mess too. He should help her out. Looking at her, he asks, "What do you want to talk about?"

She keeps eye contact for a moment, thinking about how stupid it is to ask but does it anyways. "How long do you have left?" Maybe talking about Dean's impending death is not the best way to keep herself calm but it's one of the many uncertainties on a constantly loop in her head. It'd be nice to at least deal with one of them and attempt to lighten the load.

"Is that something you're really you wanna talk about right now?" Dean wonders. To him, this doesn't seem like the best topic for the moment.

"Yes," she nods and looks over at him with an expression that tells him he'd better start talking. "I need to know, don't I?"

"I guess," Dean replies, his head downturned to stare at the TV remote in his lap instead of her. He can't look at her right now. "Two months."

It grows quiet. There's no immediate response and after some silent seconds that stretch on far too long Dean peers over at her. He can see the stress in her eyes as she considers how little time is left, her fingers picking at a loose thread on the hem of her long sleeved shirt.

"May?" Lizzy finally questions, the down, depressed voice hitting him square in the heart.

"Yeah."

"What day?"

"The eighteenth."

"So…" Lizzy starts, doing the math in her head. "You stopped speaking to me the minute you made that deal, didn't you?"

"Pretty much," Dean sheepishly replies.

"And it's set in stone? You have no way out?" she finally looks over at him and he can see the flash of hope in what she asks. "I mean, there has to be a way, right? There're loopholes to everything."

"Cant'. No weaseling out or Sam drops dead," he answers honestly. "It's a clause in my contract. But don't think that's stopped me from looking. Sam and Bobby too."

Lizzy nods, once more playing with the hem of her shirt when her throat gets too thick to speak. She takes a few second and clears her throat. "Deals with fucking demons. What the fuck?" She's never heard of such a thing before now.

"Yup," Dean responds shortly, unsure of what else to say.

"I do understand, you know," Lizzy says. "Why you did it."

"Yeah?" Dean asks with surprise, sitting up a little taller and turning his form to her a bit more. He never thought he'd hear her say that.

"Of course. He's your brother. Your whole life it's been your duty to watch him and take care of him. If Sam dies, you fail and when it comes to him, failure isn't an option." She says it with such nonchalance but she's dead on.

Dean sits back against the headboard hard, shaking his head. "The fuck do you do that?" Dean asks incredulously.

With a wrinkled brow, Lizzy's confused. "Do what?"

"Get me," Dean impatiently says, getting frustrated with her. "Just so easily figure me the fuck out. How do you always know?"

She shakes her head, not at all knowing herself what it's all about. "Just do."

And his frustration grows. "It's like you read minds. It's kinda creepy, L"

"Thanks," she sarcastically says for being called creepy. "And don't call me that."

Dean's hurt expression looks over at her. She still doesn't want to hear that nickname. "Sorry."

"I don't read minds, dumb-dumb. I just see you." She shrugs. "It's like I know what you're gonna do or think before you do. Been that way since we met."

"Don't remind me," Dean grumbles, the reasons why he always liked her so damn much flooding back. Being around her, being reminded as to why he started to rely on her and why he's felt such a magnetism to her, makes his past decisions so much harder to deal with.

"Hey, you're the exact same with me, in case you forgot," she reminds him. "You get me too and I couldn't tell you why either."

"Yeah," Dean agrees, voice far off. "It's freaking weird."

"You're telling me," she agrees, thinking it really is strange that even after all this time they still comprehend each other completely. She turns her attention back to the show. "Well, if you need any help, don't hesitate to call me. Whatever you need, especially if you find a way out of the deal, consider it done."

"Even after everything?" Dean asks her like a lost, sad little boy at the prospect that she still cares enough to help.

"Don't be stupid," Lizzy grouchily replies, always ready to help no matter how much of a jackass he's been. He's still _her_ jackass after all.

Dean smiles very slightly. She still would do anything for him. That has to be a good sign.

"L… Lizzy," he says and waits until she turns back to look at him again. "I really am sorry. About not telling you."

"Nothing you can do about it now," she says simply, still hurt. "You should've called when it happened, though. When Sam died."

"I still would have done it," Dean tells her. Even to this day he doesn't regret the deal. Sammy's alive and he's done his job.

"But I could have at least tried to stop you. You know I would have been there the second you told me, no matter how far away you were. I could have helped you, supported you, done… _something_." She's so saddened by the idea of Dean putting himself through that without help. He's too proud to ask even her.

"You did. Do something."

"What do you mean?" Lizzy questions, confused how she could have been there for him without ever even knowing about the whole situation.

Dean reaches to the nightstand, grabs his wallet and tosses it to Lizzy. "Open it up."

Lizzy does so.

"Back slot."

She pulls out the folded paper there and the second she sees it she knows what it is. The edges are well worn with time and wear. She begins unfolding the letter she wrote him so long ago. After spending just a few days together and clicking immediately, Lizzy felt compelled to tell him how she viewed him. It was a pretty heavy letter, she'll admit. But emotions don't scare her, they never did, and she needed him to know how she felt. Four short days and she was in love with Dean Winchester, a hunting, overindulgent, stubborn, and way too cocky man-whore. Awesome.

"I read that letter more times than I can count when Sam died," he explains. "The second I knew he was gone, I wanted to run to the nearest crossroads immediately, ready to throw myself into the pit for him. Then I thought of you. I thought of what you'd say and how disappointed you'd be in me, how wrong you'd tell me it was and how it will seriously screw up Sam. I sat by his side for days, reading and rereading your letter. You were the only thing that had even the slightest chance of changing my mind. So trust me, you were with me. You helped."

Lizzy pauses, at first complimented and truly touched by what he tells her. Then, however, her stubborn streak comes back. "You still should have called," she tells him, replacing the letter into its place.

"I told you, I didn't want you involved," Dean grumbles. She won't accept his attempts to protect her and it's getting irritating.

"And _I_ told _you_ that I can handle it if it means that I get to be a part of your life," she grits.

"Great, another pissing match," Dean laments, seeing exactly where their conversation is headed. "I'm not doing this again, Lizzy. I did what I did for a reason, okay? I'm sorry you don't like it." Dean gets up from the bed and walks to mini-fridge to retrieve a fresh beer when everything starts to get too thick for him. It's a shame he can't drown out his stress with booze tonight. He'd love to get good and drunk right now to help make the situation manageable. He twists off the cap and tosses it into the trash can with a clink as he turns to face her.

"Oh, I more than don't like it. I _hate_ it," she tells him while getting up and walking over to him. "But what choice am I given? You just want me to accept all of the decisions you make that involve not only your life but my life too so I guess that's what I'll do, go along with your _orders_." She looks at him quickly before stealing the beer out of his hand and taking a seat at the small table.

Dean's jaw clenches. "If you knew, really knew everything going on in me and Sam's lives, you wouldn't be treating me like I'm a piece of shit right now," he says to her, his voice growing louder with his building anger.

"Please," she scoffs. "If you cared enough about someone other than yourself or your brother, you wouldn't have dropped me in the first place and I'd still be in the loop." She drains half the beer in the bottle in a few large gulps. God damn, she wishes she could just get shit-faced right now.

"Really?" Dean asks in shock. "That's what you think?"

"Yep," she returns succinctly.

"Why is it then that no matter what I do I can't get you out of my damn head?" Dean shouts, pointing to his temple with fired up anger. "No matter how hard I tried, nothing fucking worked. It always comes back to you. _Always_. And it sucks! I just wanted to keep you out of all the shit that come with being near me!" All of his bottled up emotions are starting to escape.

"I know," she flatly responds.

"I never wanted this! I never wanted us to turn out this way!"

"You think _I_ wanted this?" she asks him, disbelieving. "You think I wanted to fall in love with an emotionally stunted and beyond unavailable man who would eventually leave me flat and without giving a single good reason? Oh yeah, every little girl's fucking dream!"

Dean washes his palm over his jaw with frustration. "You are the only good thing that has _ever_ happened in my life, you know that!?" he practically yells at her.

"How could I!?" she fires back.

"It's true! My life… I was never supposed to meet you because my life only has room in it for pain and disappointment and sadness and crap! Now you've been dragged into all of it and I don't want that for you!"

"Why can't you just let me be your one good thing then? Why can't I help make your life better? That's all I've ever wanted!"

"Why!?"

"Because I…!" she pauses there. She won't say it. Not right now. "Fuck you! You know why!"

"You're insane then," Dean shakes his head, making sure she gets that she really shouldn't want him. "And even still… I can't let you into my mess. No fucking way."

"And I still don't get a say in all this? It's only about what _you_ want?"

"Yes! You have no idea how bad it is!" Dean yells while taking a few steps toward her. He's opened the vault now and he's finally letting it all out. Maybe not in the way he'd like to, he never wants to shout at Lizzy like he is, but at least it's all coming out for once.

"I'm a damn good hunter and I can fend for myself. You should've let me make this decision. Or at least let me be been a part of it. You're worth that risk to me… or at least you were." She stands up and walks until she is across the room facing him. Her agitation is taking over and she needs to get up and move.

"No! I care _so_ much about you that I can't let you be around me! Good hunter or not, it isn't safe!" Dean's fists are balled by his sides. He can't believe she doesn't understand why he's pushed her away for her own good.

"Well that seems fair," she snaps with sarcasm. "Love is a son of a bitch, Dean. Especially when it's real. Most poor saps go through their entire lifetime never knowing what honest-to-God love really is. If you're actually lucky enough to find it, you have to accept it for what it is and embrace the hell out of it. You don't throw it away!"

"I didn't throw anything away!" he shouts heatedly.

"Oh no?" she remarks, clearly thinking otherwise. "The two of us, we were given a fucking gift. I don't believe in much, especially after losing my parents the way I did, but I believe that this…" she points back and forth between them. "Is most definitely a gift. How can it not be? You tell me how!"

He feels that undeniable pull to her again. "I don't know," he honestly tells her, his voice lowered and lost now.

Lizzy lets that moment hang in the air, making sure it sinks in for Dean that he's been wrong. She then sighs, taking it down a notch. "So I guess this is just our fucked up reward for a life of hard work and saving some asses, huh? Meeting each other and never actually having a chance?"

"Probably," Dean painfully admits to the ugly carpet below his feet, feeling the loss of what they could have been all over again.

"Fucking figures, doesn't it?" Lizzy looks away from him with the hefty gloom.

As he stares at her, seeing the pain and loss all over her, he can't help it. She's right, he knows it. She's right. She was right all along about them. He does want her. He needs her. He denied it for so long but… damn it, he's in love with her.

"Lizzy," he says as he stands facing her, bidding her to look up at him. She does so, seeing his green eyes filled with a mixture of longing, sadness, love, desperation, and lust as he stares straight into her. Dean's shoulders are tense and his stance has changed. He tries to come up with something to say, but his words fail him once more. He needs to make her see how important she is still, how he still feels deep down, but he doesn't know how to say it all.

"No," she preemptively warns him with a head shake, knowing exactly what the look he gives her is all about. She's seen it before several times and knows it all too well. She also knows where he's about to attempt to take things. She can't let her guard down around him, not anymore. They have so much to sort out and she'd really regret buckling now.

Dean ignores her forewarning and steps forward, covering the small space that had been between them in a split second. His hands grasp the sides of her face and his lips crash onto hers. He can't stay away. It's been so long since he's had her and seeing her now, broken and needing him more than ever before, turns Dean from determined to leave her be to desperate to have her back. He's never been good with words. He's a man of action and right now he needs to convey to her everything he feels. Days, weeks, months of needing something that was so far away overflows within him and propels his actions. He couldn't have stopped himself, even if he'd actually tried.

Lizzy brings her hands to his shoulders and shoves him away from her. "Dean," she sternly says his name while pointing an index finger his way to keep him at bay while bringing her other hand briefly to her lips with the assault. "You _cannot_ do that to me." As much as she's burning for him deep down, letting him fully into her life once more is not an option and acting on her buried emotions will do just that. In three months he won't be there, won't even be walking the Earth. It nearly crushed her to lose him the first time and if she lets him back in now, surviving that loss again might be impossible for her.

Dean doesn't wait long before he ignores her forewarning and tries again. This time he pushes her backwards until she has her back pressed into the wall of the motel room. His lips are crushed against hers and she returns the kiss for just a split second out of her own necessity before regaining her senses.

"Get off of me!" she shouts before shoving him away and slapping him on the cheek. She recoils slightly with the pain that shoots through her already injured hand. Dean's head jerks to the side with the impact and he slowly brings his focus back around to her while feeling the sting on his skin. They're both surprised by her sudden actions and once they've recovered from their respective pain they stare wide eyed at each other.

Still, she stands her ground, determined to stay away but Dean knows she's on the edge. He knows she's just a step away from doing what they both want and honestly need.

"Do it again and it'll be a fist," she grits out with narrowed eyes.

"You won't stop me," he challenges, certain he can get through to her after he felt her give in slightly just a moment before.

"You willing to take that chance?" she fires back. They glare heatedly at each other for what feels like eternity before Dean's feet are set in motion by pure desire.

He presses against her, pinning her between his body and the wall, and kisses her with sheer urgency. He was right; she didn't fight him this time. She couldn't. Her own longing for him is more powerful than she'd estimated. She kisses him back with ferocity, grabbing at him for dear life as if he'll disappear at any second. Her previously stubborn guard quickly falls away as the heat takes over and she thrusts her hips forward, pushing into him more as her want goes into overdrive.

Lizzy shoves his open navy blue button-down off of his shoulders and he quickly brings his arms around behind him to get it off all the way. He throws it onto the floor as their lips move viciously together. They are in a total frenzy. Dean buries himself in the side of her neck, seeking her sweet spot he's grown to know so well. He knows he's found it when she moans loudly and her hands reach to his waist.

"So fucking mad at you," she spits out while undoing his belt, her actions completely contradicting her words. "I hate you for doing this."

"No you don't," he says, returning to her lips in attempt to stop her from saying such things. He knows it's untrue or else she'd stop him for good, but it still hurts to hear it.

"Yes I do," Lizzy swears to him right before she slides her tongue into his mouth, seeking more and more of him.

"No you don't… you want this too," he tells her, his lips never fully parting hers.

"No I don't," she responds though does nothing to stop herself from attacking him.

" _Yes_ ," Dean strongly tells her, making her freeze in place and look him in his challenging eyes. He knows her too well to have her deny this. He needs her to say it that she wants this too. "You do."

"Fuck you," Lizzy laments while bringing her lips to his without arguing back, admitting to him that she wants this to happen as much as he does. She just refuses to say it out loud.

Once she has his belt is undone, Lizzy grasps ahold of the bottom hem of his t-shirt. She lifts it over his head, tosses it to the side, and runs her hands down his now bare chest, taking in the feel of hard muscle beneath her fingertips. "Oh God," she sighs out, getting more turned on by the second as once again their lips meet. Why does he have to look the way he does? It makes it really impossible for her to say no and back away. It's not his fault. She knows it's John and Mary's fault, really. But because of that she now finds herself caught in the middle of her own torn emotions, the angel on one side screaming for her rethink, to stop and not give in to the man that's hurt her so much… and the devil on the other shoulder begging her to keep going with her primal urges and fuck his brains out.

"L… I want you," Dean growls as he grabs under her thighs and lifts her off the ground. Her legs wrap around his waist instinctively and she clings to his biceps, her back flush to the motel wall. "Wanted you for so fucking long." Dean runs his hands run along the sides of her slim waist while pressing her hard into the wall behind her with his hips. Her smooth skin, round curves make him crazy. They always have. She's beautiful, sexy and it is easy to find her irresistible. There's something about her that he can't help himself when around her. "God, you're fucking beautiful."

"Shut up," she tells him between kisses, knowing what his voice does to her. The less he talks the better, she thinks as she brings her hands to the back of his neck.

"Need you," he pants out, bringing his lips to her ear as he ignores her command. "All of you. Now."

It's over for her. That God damn voice rocks her to her core every time and she gives in to the devil on her shoulder, abandoning all hope of ever stopping herself. She pulls her own t-shirt over her head and tosses it away. Her patience is gone and she just wants him. Now. Right now.

"Bed," she directs in one simple word and Dean reaches further underneath her, gripping a cheek in each hand, and pulls away from the wall. He begins walking across the room with her hoisted in his arms. Lizzy, never letting their lips part for more than a second, pulls her sports bra over her head and drops it to the floor. Their bare skin, heated with anticipation, presses together for the first time in far too long and the sensation makes Lizzy groan into Dean's lips. Those God damn lips. She'll never find a way to refuse them and right now, she hates him for that too.

Dean's knees knock into the foot of the bed and he lets them fall together. He lands on top of her, their lips still locked, and presses his hips down into her. She feels the same to him, just as good as she always had before, that same fire between them just as strong as ever, but with a new motivation behind her intentions. Lucky for him, Lizzy's never been shy about showing him her sexual side, or kinky side for that matter, but she's never attacked him with such severity before. He isn't sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing in the long run, but right now it doesn't matter either way. She wants him and that's all he cares to know.

"Lose 'em. Now," Lizzy directs with desperation in her eyes while tugging on the denim at his waist. Any kind of barrier between them is completely unwanted. She needs to have him fully, to escape from the hell she's in and pretend, just for the fleeting moment, that they were still good, still real, still _something_. She watches as he stands up off of her to do just as she told him to. Lizzy quickly does the same, stripping away her jeans and panties as quickly as possible.

Dean, hands fumbling while undressing for the first time since he was seventeen, finishes his task at hand first. He then doesn't hesitate to grab the cuffs of her pants and pull, helping free her from her own clothing. He moves quickly and unapologetically and once every item of clothing that used to be keeping them apart is gone, he stands before her and observes the woman he'd only been able to dream about for so long.

He's stunned by how she looks… black and blue bruises, bandages, and all. Through it all he still sees her, the girl he had the stupidest crush on the minute he met her and he thinks she's still by far the best looking chick he's ever been with. Maybe even better than his brain could remember. She's captivating, something he needs more than he's ever admitted to even himself, and he's never been so addicted to any one person in his life before.

"Shit, what's taking so long up there?" she impatiently asks while stretched out on the bed, not wanting to wait for him. If he pauses much longer she'll get her wits about her again and there's a good chance the sensible part of her brain will stop this. She certainly doesn't want that, especially now that they've gotten so far and she's seen him in all his glory. He's… mm. Fine specimen on the outside, disaster on the inside, she thinks briefly before letting lust completely take over once more.

"I, uh. It's just… L-Lizzy…" he starts to say, an emotional tone of voice she recognizes from memory.

"Ugh, no," she complains right away, not wanting some kind of profound and meaningful moment right now. Sex. She wants sex now and emotional baggage can come later. There's so much of it to deal with between them that she just wants to do the one thing they've always done best together and pretend that's good enough. "Get down here," she practically demands.

Dean quickly obliges her and crawls back up on top of her, pressing his lips to hers quickly. She locks her long legs around his waist, trying to move things along before she recognizes the bad idea for what it is. Her impatience is truly getting the better of her.

Dean can sense her internal conflict and, not seeing ending everything they're doing as an option, he touches her intimately after swiftly licking his flingers wet. He watches her face contort a bit with pleasure as he feels her like he has only in his dreams for a year. His heart beats faster, remembering all of this as if it never left him.

"Dean, please," Lizzy half moans and half complains and Dean wastes no time in bringing them fully together at last. He grabs himself without thought and pushes into her slowly, eyes locked on hers as the sensation of being connected in such an intimate way once more is wonderfully familiar and all consuming.

"Oh my… god," Lizzy lets escape before pulling him down to kiss her, letting the perfection of having him deep within her once again sweep over her. She has her arms wrapped around his torso and her nails dig into his back with utter enjoyment. Granted she's been no nun the past year, having given up on waiting for Dean after several months of him disappearing, but not a single man she's been with could come close to this. Lizzy and Dean's profound connection, one that neither of them really fully understands quite yet, makes every intimate moment between the two elevated to a sublime place. He begins moving above her and she looks up, locks gazes with him, conveying through the expression on her face just how good he feels.

And Dean stares down into her eyes and swears for just a moment he sees that spark in them that he's always loved. She didn't have it when she arrived on his motel doorstep a crying mess, she didn't have it when he'd stitched her up as she yelled at him for his cowardice, or when they'd been in the car together barely talking… but she has it now. It's there, buried deep but still bright.

He keeps moving, making her close her eyes in bliss and breathe heavily with the building moment. Dean's always taken pleasure in making her feel this good, but never more than now. After everything, he feels he has so much to make up for with her. He prays this is a good start for that and for them.

Needing to be closer to her, Dean lifts Lizzy up, her arms still encircling his back, and sits up on the bed with her straddling his lap. Their bodies are pressed against each other, chest to chest, and Dean looks up at Lizzy as she brings her hands to his shoulders, gripping tightly as she begins moving, rising and falling onto him. She moans loudly, eyes tightly shut with concentration as she dives deeper into her craze, her shitty reality fading further and further into the back of her mind.

"Lizzy," Dean whispers her name as the tension builds within him. His lips momentarily find her neck and she coils into him with the feeling. She holds him so closely he can feel his chest ready to explode. He's always felt this way for her, always. "Fuck, I missed you."

Squeezing her eyes shut with the words she can't process right now, she presses a hand over his mouth to stop him from speaking so sincerely.

"Oh god, yeah," Lizzy moans out, hips now grinding against him, chasing her fierce need to feel good right now. She hooks an arm around his neck, pressing a hand to the back of his head, and speaks into his ear. "Oh… so fucking good. Mm. Always so good."

Grabbing her face, a hand to each side, Dean brings their lips together. Kissing her seemed to be his best way to convey feelings when he didn't know what to say. He had always hoped she could just feel how much he liked her, then adored her, then respected and was in awe of her, and then truly loved her just by the way his lips moved without speaking. He knows it's not enough, knows he needs to say what it is that he feels for her and just be honest for once… but he can't. Twenty-eight years of avoiding emotional conversation has left him damn near incapable.

His tongue moves with hers and they fall into the place they so easily used to know. It's comfortable and simple and they just move naturally.

Lizzy's hips move faster, her voice humming louder, and he knows she's close. He knows her sounds and moves so well. He brings his lips to her ear and pulls her closer. "Come for me, L."

"Oh fuck," Lizzy's labored voice expels at his command. Again with that damn, gravelly voice… this time using her nickname and not pissing her off. Instead, it turned her on more. It makes something within her snap and suddenly she's at the threshold of total pleasure. Her eyes pop open and search for his.

"You know I want to hear it," he tells her, his gaze boring into her. Dean's always had a thing for hearing his name said out loud as he makes a woman reach her peak, but ever since that first time he'd heard Lizzy's voice shout out his name while in that spare room in Bobby's house, hands bound and totally submitted to him, she's been the only one he's ever wanted to hear it from again. He won't let this opportunity pass him by.

"Yes," Lizzy sighs out. "Oh god."

"Say it, Lizzy," he tells her one last time, all but begging for her to do it. "Let me hear it."

"Dean! Fuck!" she shouts out as her face twists with the wave of sheer gratification as it washes over her. "Dean." She clings tightly to him, arms locked around him, wanting to be as close to him as possible in the moment. Seeing her reach such a high place undoes Dean instantly and it puts him over the edge. He buries his head into her neck and they ride out the wonderful moment, Dean following just behind her.

"Jesus," Dean huffs and kisses Lizzy's neck as she remains in his lap. He runs his hands up and down her back, keeping her close as he does. Lips landing on her skin, he tries to do anything he can to want her to stay. Now that it's over he still wants to stay connected, dreading her separating herself from him. He fears the rift will still be there when this is done and he does anything he can to keep her right where she is for as long as possible. He locks eyes with her briefly, trying to read her expression, and kisses her with honestly and hope.

And Lizzy kisses back at first, that afterglow so fucking good she can feel it in her toes. She feels good. Really good.

"Wow," Lizzy exhales quietly as she comes down.

"You're telling me," he agrees, kissing her some more.

She kisses him back, enjoying that warmth she finds after a truly good orgasm, which that most definitely was, but it doesn't take long for all the thoughts she's shoved to the farthest reaches of her mind to begin their march back into the foreground. The doubt, fright, and confusion she has over him starts reclaiming their previous hold on her reasoning. "Shit," she whispers, bringing her hand over her eyes with her growing regret. This was such a bad idea.

"What?" Dean asks up to her with concern. After what they'd just done, he hoped the outcome would be different, but seeing the distress in her expression he begins to worry. "Hey, you okay?" he wonders and pulls her hand gently from her face, making her look at him.

Look into his green eyes, Lizzy lies. "I'm good."

He knows she's lying. "Talk to me."

Shit, he can tell she's lying. "It's nothing," she lies. "I'm fine." She forces out a smile while recognizing how much she sounds like Dean. He always claims to be 'fine' when he isn't and it's always obvious when he does. Great, now she's taking on his negative qualities. Next thing you know she'll be dropping shitty pick-up lines on every dude that walks by and bottling up her emotions until she explodes on someone. She gets up off of him suddenly and stands beside the bed. "I just need a minute," she tells him while walking towards the bathroom.

"Okay…" he responds, confused and saddened by her reaction to everything. She shuts the door behind her and he's left sitting alone on the bed. For him it had been a moment of truth, changing their current disposition for the better, but clearly he pushed her too far and too soon. They shouldn't have done this. He really fucked up this time.

Lizzy turns on the bathroom light, it blinking a few times before coming to life, and twists the knob of the faucet, needing the white noise of running water to help her clear her mind. She spies her bag sitting on the floor by the bathtub and thanks god that she had the unknowing foresight to toss it into the small room when they arrived. She searches through it, taking out a fresh set of clothing, her phone and her keys she's stowed away. She gets dressed and slides her phone into her back pocket, placing the keys on the sink. Maybe she should go for a drive. Get out of that tiny room with that man she really doesn't need to be around right now to clear her mind.

Lizzy would do anything to not be in this motel room right now as the walls start to feel like they're closing in around her. It's stifling. And she knows she just made a huge mistake.

They're a fucking mess. Everything is left unresolved and with no foreseeable solution. So, instead of sort their shit out, they fuck. SO typical of both of them when around the other… and so fucking stupid.

Lizzy takes a seat on the covered toilet and drops her head in her hands for a moment. She rests her elbows on her knees and takes a deep breath. As she does, she starts to mentally berate herself for giving in to him so easily. There's something about Dean that makes her weaker than she usually is and it angers her. No matter what he does, no matter how bad their whole weird and demented relationship gets he's always the first thing she thinks of in good times and bad, from the second she wakes up to the moment she falls asleep. Hell, she even sees him in her fitful sleep on most nights, her brain giving imaged of what could have been between them. The images are always happy. It makes her incredibly angry every time.

How, after all this time, had she never stopped needing him, not for second? And what now? Where do they even attempt to go from here?

She doesn't ever want to go back into that room with just him and face the music. As if they had a lot to talk about before, now the list is just that much longer. Stupid, arrogant, hot as fucking hell Dean Winchester. That wreck of a man has done a number on her… and she let it happen. If Lou were here right now, she'd never hear the end of it….

In the middle of her anxiety-filled thoughts, Lizzy catches the slight movement of the shower curtain in her periphery. She sits stock-still with the sight and wishes with everything in her that she hadn't come into the bathroom unarmed. She knows it moved. It was barely there but if hunting has trained her to do anything it's to notice the small stuff and be paranoid of it all. The window isn't open. No heaters in the room. No breeze or wind.

Quickly she starts to think. Not a knife or gun with her or in her bag. Shit. She can't believe she let herself get so distracted in such a crucial time. She's an idiot.

Lizzy stands slowly and faces the shower with wide eyes as she backs up slowly and silently to the door. She reaches behind her for the door knob when close enough, not seeing any more movement from the shower. She's hoping for a quick escape so that she can grab a weapon and alert Dean for back up but her blood runs cold when the extremely familiar voice speaks to her from the other side of the curtain.

"I'm gonna suggest you don't go out there just yet, Lizard."

* * *

 


	8. My Vamp Best Friend

"I'm gonna suggest you don't go out there just yet, Lizard."

Lizzy freezes up with the sound of the very calm and collected voice. No. It can't be, she thinks to herself as true panic starts to wash over her. She watches as the curtain sweeps open and there stands her best friend, her sister, the most important person in her life that she's already lost to evil, staring back at her.

"And whisper, would you?" Lou asks of her. "Don't want the douchebag knowing I'm here." Lou sends her an evil smile while jerking her thumb in the direction of the bathroom door, referring to Dean.

"Louie?" Lizzy says in a hushed sigh. She can't move, can't talk, and can't think. Shock and terror take the wheel and leave her helpless.

"It's me, honey," she responds while jokingly posing with her hands on her hips. "I look good, don't I?"

Lizzy recognizes Lou's almost ivory pale skin and lightened blue eyes. Her new look is haunting but still her. She's perfection, yet completely wrong at the very same time, and it makes Lizzy even more uneasy.

"W-what are you doing here?" Lizzy stutters out, trying her best to keep it together. She wants to run, but whether it's towards her friend or away she isn't sure. She's torn.

"I came to get you, duh," Lou says with sheer obviousness. "I can smell you from a fucking mile away, you know. And I knew you'd be back. Not like you could stay away from me."

Lizzy's stomach drops. Bobby was completely right. "You could smell me?"

"Of course," Lou scoffs a little.

"Oh Louie… you fed?" she asks her sister in a deflated tone, afraid to hear the answer she already knows she's going to get. If her senses are that sharp already then she knows that Lou's fed for sure by now. She's killed. She's a killer now.

"Of course I did," she says quite matter-of-factly. "I'm a growing vampire, need my strength. Man, the turnover is damn quick too. It's like once you eat everything gets sharper, clearer, better. It's amazing. You'll love it." The excitement Lou exudes chills Lizzy to the bone.

"What do you mean… I'll love it?" Lizzy questions, the words coming out slowly as she starts to understand what her sister is saying.

"You know what I mean," Lou smiles wide.

"No," is all Lizzy can muster. What is she talking about? What does that mean, she'll love it?

"Yes. Look, I get it. We're hunters… or at least I used to be one. But being on the other side… I promise, Lizard. You'll see what it's like and you really will love it."

Lizzy just shakes her head no as her voice freezes up on her. Her best friend wants to turn her into a monsters.

"Come on," Lou holds out her hand. "We're gonna go back to my new family together. I'm dying for you to meet them."

"Wait. Louie. New fam… what about _our_ family?" Lizzy asks, desperate to see some kind of glimpse of the woman she used to know so well. "What about Bobby, huh? He's practically our dad these days. And what about Sam and De…"

"Don't even say his fucking name," Lou warns, taking two unnaturally fast steps out of the tub and in Lizzy's direction. She is just inches away from Lizzy now and pointing her index finger in her face. "Don't you dare tell me you consider that asshole our family still. Not after all he's put you through."

"Lou, there's a reason he did that…"

"I don't care," Lou gets mad. "I told you this would happen, didn't I? He's a piece of shit, Lizzy. And _no one_ fucks with you like that and gets away with it. Especially not now."

Lizzy hangs on those last words and their possible meaning. Lou's going to be gunning for Dean now. He isn't safe at all.

"Can't say I'm surprised you're sticking up for him though," Lou continues, hatred and jealousy in her tone. "Always knew you'd be pathetically weak if he ever came around again."

"I'm not trying to stick up for him," Lizzy says and knows there's no truth behind her words already. "I'm still pissed as hell for what he did."

"Oh, so _that's_ why you fucked him just now. Because you're mad at him. Because you wanted it to be over. I get it now," Lou comments with bitter sarcasm.

"Watch it, Lou," Lizzy strongly warns maybe a little too loud. Lou issues a silent warning with the angry look she gives.

"My God, Lizzy. What is it with you and you're sick need for him? You have no self-control, you know that?"

"Yeah, I know. I definitely know." Lizzy sighs when the reality of her twisted bond with Dean is presented to her by her best friend. "Guess this is what love does to a person, huh?" she sadly admits. Their conversation is growing comfortable suddenly. Maybe it's just so natural for them that even now they are at some kind of ease with each other.

"That's not love, you idiot," Lou spits with anger, doing everything she can to keep quiet enough not to let the man in the next room know of her presence. "Love isn't abandonment. It's devotion through good and bad. It's always being there for someone, no matter what. What we have is real love, Lizzy. Don't you see that?" Lou closes the gap between them and cups Lizzy's face in her ice cold hands. "I need you, Lizzy. You need me too. I came to get you so that we can still continue on together."

Lizzy turns her eyes off to the side, avoiding Lou's gaze as she suffers though her friend's pleas. She wants nothing more than to be able to have Lou back, but this is not the answer. This is so wrong.

"Lizard," Lou tries again. "You're my best friend. I'm not gonna go through eternity without you."

"No," Lizzy says while shutting her eyes tight and willing the tears not to come. "You know I can't do that. You know I can't come with you." Lizzy sighs and opens her eyes. She sees the smiling face of her longtime friend and trusted companion looking up at her with an understanding gleam in her eyes.

"Who said you had a choice?"

* * *

It's been five minutes since Lizzy went into the bathroom and Dean's now pacing the room with worry. He made a huge mistake getting her to go that far with him before she was ready and now he feels more guilt than he's ever felt in his life. When the conversation started, he had no intentions of it ending the way that it did and now, even though it was so damn good to feel her and truly be with her again, he regrets his actions completely. Clearly he still needs to work on speaking his emotions instead of showing them physically.

He walks around collecting his clothes and getting dressed to keep himself occupied while Lizzy remained in the bathroom.

The wait is killing him. Dean has no idea what could be running through her head right now but considering how quickly she ran away from him it can't be good. The moment they were done she was gone. Now the sound of running water from the faucet on the other side of the door is slowly driving him insane.

Dean abruptly stops pacing the room impatiently when he hears her voice. Is she talking to herself? She's been known to do that quite often but he's still left unsettled by the sound. Out of either his over protective nature or sheer hunter instinct, he rushes to the duffel with supplies, pulls out a machete and the one syringe of dead man's blood that Sam and Bobby left behind, and quickly makes his way to the bathroom door. Not willing to take any chances, he prepares for the worst.

He places an ear to the wooden surface of the door and listens. Silence.

But then the booming sound of wood slamming on wood shoots through his ear and makes him jump. Heart pounding in his throat, he quickly wraps his hand around the doorknob and shoves open the door.

Nothing. The room is empty.

"Lizzy!" Dean shouts while panicking and pushes the shower curtain all the way open, praying she's hidden in there somewhere. Again, he finds nothing. He inspects the one window in the small room and notices the damaged wood framing around the manual turn lock. Someone broke in, probably with a small knife much like he's been known to do himself from time to time. Someone broke in. And someone left with Lizzy. She's gone. Lizzy's gone.

The sound of a car's revving engine and tires loudly squealing pulls his attention away from the small washroom. It's Lou's mustang, he knows the sound. He sprints through the room and out the front door but by the time he gets there the blue car is gone and only tire marks are left in the lot just behind the parking space it had been in. He has no idea what direction it went.

The real panic begins to hit right then and there. Lizzy was taken. On his watch. She's gone and it's all his fault.

Dean walks back into the motel and he boils over with anger. He slams a balled up fist into the ugly, peeling wallpaper by the front door. After making a decent sized hole in the drywall, he shouts out his overwhelming anger and terror.

"Fuck!"

* * *

"Damn," Bobby complains while looking out the windshield over at the old dive bar he and Sam have been staring at for hours. "I'm starting to think these vamps ain't showing up."

Sam checks his watch. 12:41 AM and no sign of a single vampire.

"You might be right Bobby," Sam agrees. "But we should still stay until closing. They could've gotten here before we did. Maybe we can catch them leaving."

"Yeah, yeah," Bobby grumbles, shifting in his seat. "My ass is asleep. I'm gonna stand up for a second."

Sam watches as Bobby opens the car door and gets out, meandering within a close radius of the old beat-up Camaro. He's never been so happy to see the old man in his life. Without Bobby to anchor them all through this one, Sam's fairly sure they'd have fallen apart by now… or at least he knows he would have. Bobby's kept them focused and on task, though Sam has a feeling that deep down Bobby is hurting a lot more than he's letting on. He can see it in his more weathered than usual eyes.

Sam stays put and watches the entrance with sheer determination. Lou's saved his ass before and now he's going to pay her back. The real Lou would never be good with being turned. She's always reminded him of Dean in her severe sense of good and bad, black and white, with little room for gray. This would not be an option to Lou. She's rather be dead and Sam is going to make sure she gets what she would have wanted… as hard as that will be for him.

His phone vibrates in his pocket and pulls him away from his current thoughts. Good thing, he thinks. The less he thinks about what he has to do to such a good friend of his, the better. His sanity thanks whoever is calling him.

Looking down at the screen briefly, Sam answers the call.

"Hey, Dean," Sam says. Almost immediately his eyebrows knit together in worry at the fright he hears in his brother's voice. "What? Dean! Slow down!" he directs while leaning across the car's cab and knocking on the driver's side window to get Bobby's attention. He waves him into the car and Bobby pulls open the door and sits back down.

"What do you mean she's gone?" Sam asks loudly with eyes wide. He looks to Bobby and sees his scared expression staring back at him. "What the hell happened, Dean!?"

Bobby sits and watches Sam grow uneasy. It always seems that when things can't get any worse, of course they always do. Good luck still seems to avoid this group like the plague.

"Alright, alright. Calm down. We're heading back now."

"What's happening?" Bobby says just above a whisper as he can't wait any longer to know what's happening.

Sam holds up an index finger to get him to wait. "Don't go anywhere! We'll find her, Dean…. We will. Sit tight." He hangs up.

"What the hell?" Bobby asks while starting his car.

"Lizzy's missing." It's a flat statement. Sam is doing his best to hold it together. He can tell Dean's already come completely undone. One of them has to keep their composure and this time, Sam's going to have to take the lead and help out his brother.

"What does that mean?" Bobby says loudly while pulling out onto the road. "Like, she left the motel?"

"No, like, she disappeared." Sam sighs loudly. "Damn it!"

"How'd she just disappear? They're sitting in a motel room, for Christ's sake!"

"Not sure," Sam tells him honestly, worry coating his tone. "Dean was pretty panicked and I didn't get the whole story. Something about she went into the bathroom and never came out."

"Great," Bobby grumbles while pressing harder on the gas, needing to get back to the motel and back to the surely disturbed man there. "That girl is gonna be the damn death of me, I swear…."

* * *

Surreal doesn't even begin to cover what Lizzy is experiencing as she sits in the passenger seat of the old Mustang, much like she has a million times before, flying down back roads and listening to Pearl Jam's 'Vitology' play over the speakers. It's one of her favorite albums and Lou always knew what kind of music to play in order to put Lizzy at ease after a tough hunt, losing a victim, or whenever Dean had made her go off the deep end. She could always depend on Lou to make her life better.

The whole thing feels all too familiar except for one major detail. Lou wrapped a zip tie around Lizzy's wrist and the door handle, cuffing her to the car and thwarting any attempt to escape. And oh yeah, Lou is a fucking vampire now.

Lizzy continues tapping her foot nervously to the music and focusing on that, doing whatever she can to keep the threatening panic attack from consuming her. She's always been susceptible to then ever since her parents died.

She has no idea where they are going but she's sure that once they get there she'll be greeted by more vampires in Lou new 'family'. Right now Lizzy's terrified and she's never been this scared while with her best friend. It's weird.

And worst of all, she know the plan is going to be to turn her. Lou is going to turn her. When that happens, she prays that either Sam or Bobby have the ability to off her. She knows Dean certainly won't do it.

Dean. He must be a complete disaster right now, she thinks. She wishes she had let him know or at least tried to get out of that bathroom… anything to warn him. What she wouldn't give to be able to clue him in right now but options to do so are looking slim….

Her phone! Holy shit, she still has her phone on her! Lizzy's heart begins pounding again at the idea of the possible key to getting someone to come for her. It isn't on silent though and if any of the other hunters call her right now she's completely screwed. She needs to turn off the sound and do it without letting Lou on to her. Not an easy task considering it's in her back pocket and her one hand that's farthest away from her captor is incapacitated and strapped to the car door.

"Your pulse is racing, Lizard." Lou looks over to her. "Calm down, will you? It's just me."

"No it's not," Lizzy defiantly responds, voice dark.

"Hey," warns Lou while looking over. "It's still me, okay? Just a different version." She looks back to the road and smiles slightly. "Personally, I think I'm more awesome."

"Awesome?" Lizzy questions, thinking she's gone mad.

"Absolutely," she half laughs. "Plus, if you don't relax, that ridiculously loud heartbeat of yours is gonna drive me to do something I highly doubt you'll like."

Lou shares a knowing look and Lizzy understands completely. She takes a few deep breaths and closes her eyes. She's in no mood to be a vampire's snack right now so she wills her heart to slow.

"Thank you," Lou says as she hears the beat less clearly and returns her focus out the windshield again. "Seriously, I do _not_ want to feed on you. I really appreciate you making it easier for me to hold off."

"No problem," Lizzy responds with sarcasm before sighing. "This totally blows, Louie." She starts talking, hoping to distract her friend with conversation as she tries to get a hold of her cell.

"I'm aware," Lou says simply. "But it'll all be better soon. You'll see."

"How will it be better?" Lizzy asks as she shifts sideways to face Lou. If her back is completely away from Lou and against the door, her tied hand will be closer to her pocket and she might have a chance to reach her phone inconspicuously. "This is such a mess. Our lives are such a mess right now. How is me going vamp gonna fix any of that, huh?"

"The only mess we're in right now is that you and I aren't on the same level anymore. And it's an easy fix if you ask me."

"I don't want that. You know I don't want that," Lizzy pleads as she twists her wrist against the very tight restraint. It hurts like hell as the plastic edges dig into her skin but somehow she manages to slip her hand into her pocket.

"Neither did I," Lou tells her. "I mean, c'mon. We kill the shit out of stuff like me all the time. We think of anything non-human as bad… but it isn't that easy. It isn't as clear as I had always thought. Before I never would have wanted this because I had never been on the other side."

"You would've wanted me to kill you," Lizzy tells her with the phone in her hand. After putting it on silent she silently celebrates internally. Ok, step one done. Now to somehow type out a coherent message without looking. Lizzy maps out the QWERTY keyboard with her fingers as best she can from memory before attempting it.

"Just a few days ago, hell yeah I'd want you to kill me," Lou agrees. "But I know better now. Wait until we get back. You'll see."

If Lou says 'you'll see' one more time, Lizzy thinks she's going to get punch-happy. She dreads the pending experience as their car moves them closer and closer to their destination. Lizzy types in Dean's cellphone number out of memory. She never stopped memorizing his and Sam's ever changing numbers, just in case. Good thing because now would be that just in case.

"You sure it's safe for me to go in there?" Lizzy questions. It's been a concern for her since they started the drive. "What if they're… hungry or something?"

"More than safe," Lou vows. "I already made sure that everyone knows you are off limits. They would never lay a finger on you, I promise." Lou smiles warmly, the same warm smile Lizzy's been reassured by so many times. It actually works too and Lizzy doesn't fear going into the nest anymore. Lou still would never put her in harm's way, even now.

"Ok, I trust you." Lizzy says this in order to get Lou thinking they are at least somewhat on the same page. It isn't a total lie though. Lizzy begins typing, hoping that what she types is clear enough to make sense to the three hunters.

"Good. You should," Lou happily tells her, glad to have her best friend's trust, as she turns left off of the very secluded back road and begins travelling down a rocky dirt driveway. Not long after, a large and very old looking barn with chipping red paint appears. Lizzy would have thought it was abandoned if not for the three other cars parked around it, the scattered empty beer and liquor bottles on the grass surrounding it, and the menacing looking, very tall and quite wide man standing guard with his arms folded across his chest at the barn entrance. Lizzy finishes the text message quickly and presses send as Lou opens the driver's side door.

"Home sweet home," Lou tells her as she stands up, pushes the door shut, and begins walking around the front of her beloved car to get Lizzy out. Lizzy very quickly drops her phone into the back of her jeans, knowing that if it was to stick out of her back pocket Lou would notice and most likely take it from her.

The door opens and Lizzy's arm is pulled out along with it. She's leaning halfway out the car door and she scrambles to get her feet out the opening and planted firmly onto the gravel below her. Lou bends her knees until she comes level with Lizzy before using a folding knife to cut the zip tie open.

"Sorry, didn't mean to yank your arm like that," Lou apologizes as she holds a hand out to help Lizzy up. "C'mon out."

Lizzy rolls her wrist a few times and takes her friend's freezing cold hand. She gets out and looks over the whole situation. This can't be good. She's probably highly outnumbered and if her message doesn't go through if the signal is weak or here or if her message is a mess since she couldn't see the screen… she's screwed.

"Let's go meet everyone, shall we?" Lou cheerfully says and begins walking, hand still clasped to Lizzy's, and they move toward the very big barn doorway.

Lizzy prays that the text she sent makes some kind of sense. It's all she's got to hang onto at the moment.

* * *

"You idjit!" Bobby fires at Dean the second he opens the motel door to let Bobby and Sam in. The elder hunter grew angrier and angrier as he drove back from the stakeout. How it is that one of the best hunters he knows let Lizzy out of his sight long enough to lose her baffles him. "How did this happen!?" he demands as he shoves the door open all the way and stomps past Dean.

"Bobby… I…" Dean begins, but his guilt is getting the better of him. He isn't sure how to explain everything without making Bobby and Sam plain mad at him for dropping the ball.

Sam walks in just behind Bobby, shutting the door behind him, and the three stand facing each other in the middle of the room.

"Dean, tell us what happened here," Sam asks of his brother in a much calmer manner than Bobby. Dean's obvious distress, which is clearly written all over his face, needs to be brought down. In his current state, Dean's worthless to them.

"Shit, Sammy," Dean shakes his head while looking down at the carpet to avoid the judging eyes. "This is bad."

"Sit down," Bobby directs sharply, pointing to one of the beds and Dean does so. Bobby grabs the two chairs from the table and places them in front of Dean. Once everyone is seated, two against one, Sam tries again.

"How'd she disappear?" Sam quietly asks.

"She went into the bathroom," Dean begins, his back slumped over and he keeps his focus on the floor. He can't bring himself to face either of the men in front of him right now. "She was in there for a while, like five minutes, and I thought I heard her voice. Something just felt wrong so I went to the door with a machete and listened but didn't hear her anymore. Then I the window in the bathroom slammed shut and I went in. She was gone."

Bobby stands back up and heads through the bathroom door to inspect the area Lizzy disappeared from. Sam doesn't get up, just stays close to Dean to hopefully show him some kind of silent support. His childhood hero looks so small and helpless and nothing like the man Sam knows so well.

"Hey, she just went to the bathroom. You couldn't have known something like this was going to happen," Sam tries to reason. Dean doesn't respond or even look up. "What do you think it was?"

"I know what it was," Dean states with confidence. "It was Lou."

"You know that for sure?" Sam questions.

"Definitely. There is no way Lizzy would go down without a fight… ever. There was no struggle in there. I would have heard it and that room would be a mess right now." Dean sighs and actually looks at Sam. "Even with Lou turned, I doubt L would fight her." He's certain that Lou is behind this. "Plus, the Mustang's gone too. I ran out front as soon as I heard the engine but I didn't see which way it went."

Sam nods his head, completely agreeing with Dean's assumptions. "Yeah, ok. That makes sense. And Lizzy'd never take the time to try and reason with something that's come after her either. The fact that you heard her talking in the bathroom makes me think you're right. Did you hear what she said?"

"No. Couldn't over the running faucet."

"Why was the faucet running?" Sam asks, confused by the detail.

"Uh," Dean starts but before he can finish, Bobby comes back into the room and interrupts.

"Window was broken into," he announces. "But that's the only sign of anything going on in there." Bobby sighs as he surveys the rest of the room. He pauses when he notices one very off detail. "Dean? Why the hell are there clothes everywhere?"

Dean looks around quickly and sees everything Lizzy had been wearing that day strewn about. He had collected his own items and redressed while Lizzy was holed up in the bathroom but in his anxiety-filled state he hadn't had the fortitude of mind to pick up her things after she'd gone missing. Fucking great, he thinks to himself and rubs roughly at his forehead while waiting for the questions to bombard him.

But Sam knows immediately what had happened and doesn't need to question his brother. He should have seen it coming, honestly. Those two were like rabbits when together and unattended, but with how angry Lizzy was with Dean at the moment the thought hadn't occurred to him that they'd still revert to their usual ways so easily.

"Really, dude?" Sam complains.

Dean only sends a lopsided and uncomfortable look, still personally upset at himself for how everything went down. Sam runs a hand through his hair with the unspoken answer, blown away that Dean would still have sex as a top priority in their current predicament.

"Are you kidding me!?" Bobby shouts when it all makes sense for him. "What the hell is wrong with you!?" This boy is way off his game today, he thinks to himself. He's a sloppy mess, letting distractions and his downstairs brain get the best of him.

"Plenty. And I know it. Relax, alright?" He didn't need to be told how wrong his actions were. He is already more than aware.

"Don't tell me to relax, boy," Bobby threatens, tone dark. "I don't know where you're head's at right now, but this is not the time for a damned quickie!"

"You don't know what happened," Dean says in a low voice while refocusing on the floor in front of him. Bobby is trivializing what he and Lizzy had and he certainly doesn't appreciate it.

"Bullshit I don't!" Bobby shouts back. "You've messed with that girl enough! What were you thinking dragging her back into your crap? She was finally moving on!" Seeing Lizzy so depressed this past year has broken his heart more times than he could count. What right did Dean have trying to get her back into his fucked up situation?

" _Bobby_ ," Dean warns through his clenched jaw. With everything going on he doesn't need this. He really can't handle it.

"It doesn't matter. What's done is done, right?" Sam asks no one in particular, his voice calmer than the other two in the room. He cuts in to hopefully steer things in a different direction. "What matters is we find Lizzy. So, let's focus on that." The three stay silent for a moment, Bobby and Dean just trying to cool off and Sam using the time to think.

"Damn it," Dean laments after a minute, hanging his head even lower than before and letting the hole in his heart grow even bigger. "How did I let this happen?" His head swims with regret and helplessness as he covers his face with his hands. They don't have a single lead as to where she is. No ideas at all. Where do they begin even?

As if right on cue, Dean feels the vibration in his pocket. After the first near silent ring, Dean scans the room quickly and doesn't see Lizzy's phone anywhere. With a glimmer of hope he shoves his hand into his pocket, pulls out his phone, and looks at the screen.

"Holy shit," Dean speaks with a spark of excitement. "She has her phone." He opens the text message as the other two men move over to him. "Fuck."

"What?" Sam asks with alarm at the complaint.

"This doesn't make any sense. These aren't even words."

"Then what are they?" Bobby wonders as he looks over Dean's shoulder at the screen. The message stares back at him with all its incoherence of jumbled letters, numbers and symbols.

"I don't know. Looks like she tried to make a message but… couldn't." Why she wouldn't be able to type out a text that makes sense worries him deeply.

"Here," Sam hands Dean a paper and pen. "Write it out." Dean does so and hands it back. Looking down at the paper, Sam sees the jumbled characters; idr h[d 24957399243. He takes the paper and pen and sits at the table with his own phone in his hand, opened so he can use his keyboard as a guide.

"What the hell does that mean?" Bobby asks while wracking his brain for a possible meaning.

"No idea. But at least she has her phone, right?" Dean questions with a little optimism.

"But she ain't gonna take the damn thing out and just give us a call. She ain't that stupid."

"You're right. She's not… but we might be able to turn on the GPS and get her location," Dean answers as he runs out the door of the motel room and retrieves Sam's laptop from the Impala. While jogging back in, he continues. "As long as her phone is still on we can find her."

"Lizzy sure thinks so," Sam speaks up from the table and holds up the paper he's been working on. "She was only off by one button to the right. She miscounted."

Dean and Bobby see that Sam is right. He compared the message to his own phone's keyboard and when the message is moved over one button, it reads ' _use gps 35068400354_ '.

"I think the last part is the account number for her phone service," Sam tells them.

"Well I'll be damned," Bobby comments with pride.

"Oh, that's my girl!" Dean proudly remarks while turning on the computer. She's quick, thinking on her feet when most would be a fearful mess. Not even this situation gets to her completely. God damn, she is good. "Alright Sammy, get to it," Dean directs as he drops the laptop onto the table in front of him. "Need to know what company that account number comes from."

"On it," Sam responds, web search already started.

"Alright, I'm gonna pack up the Impala," Dean announces as he heads back out the door. "As soon as we know where she is, we head out."


	9. The Trap

"Sorry about this," Lou apologizes as she padlocks the door for the third time. Once in the barn, Lou took Lizzy to a small partitioned off corner of the wide open barn. The door is a simple metal frame with bars running the length of it, much like an old fashioned jail cell.

"Whatever," Lizzy responds with letdown, though really she's pretty ok with being locked away in the enclosed area. She can't be gotten to easily by the other vampires scattered around the room and, if she's stealthy enough, she'll be able to use her phone without being seen.

"I _am_ sorry," Lou insists. "I don't ever want to do anything bad to you. I just don't have much of a choice right now."

"Dinner has arrived!" a man shouts with sheer glee from the front doorway and the vampires in the barn all whoop their excitement as they stand and hurriedly walk outside. Lizzy notices the change in Lou's demeanor with the announcement. She's not excited like the rest. She looks disappointed almost.

"I'll be right back," Lou says with a thin smile that seemed more like a frown while turning her back and joining the others. As the terrified cries for help from two very unfortunate men meet her ears, Lizzy screws her eyes shut and forces herself to focus. She only has a short amount of time before they all come back inside after feeding and she needs to see what she can get away with.

Lizzy quickly glances around the room at her makeshift cell. Bare bones, she thinks while reaching into her jeans to retrieve her phone. No windows, no cracks, no weak spots to exploit. The only things in the cell with her are a deep pile of hay in the back corner and a rusting bucket that she quickly recognizes as her new restroom. She walks over to the barred doorway to continue searching. What a pit. It's old and rundown. Cobwebs and dust coat the ceiling and old rusting machinery scattered around. There is a loft over the south door that looks like it has fresh hay scattered across it. Must be where they sleep as she notices that the few windows up high on the walls are boarded up to keep the sunlight out during the day. There are red stains coating the dirt floor at the center of the room and it makes her assume that they normally feed inside. She makes a mental note to thank Lou for keeping that whole scene away from her for now.

Reaching to the padlocks on her cell door, she feels the key holes in each one. Damn, she really wishes she had her lock pick with her right now. Lizzy keeps looking as she dials Dean's number. She notices both sides of the main barn entrance to the south are lined with hooks, some of which have guns hanging from them… big guns. The kind of guns that will tear through a human like a hot knife through butter. Other hooks have assorted knives and rope. These dudes are will prepared. Better make sure her guys are up to speed before they come find her.

* * *

Packing up the last of their possible effective weaponry, Dean closes the trunk and heads back inside. Sam's still plugging away at his laptop and Bobby's snatching up Lizzy's clothing from the floor. The older man gives Dean a true look of hatred when he picks up her bra and Dean avoid the look altogether, dropping his duffle on the bed nearest the door.

His heart nearly jumps out of his chest when his phone vibrates again… this time in a steady, ongoing pattern. Dean snatches his phone from his back pocket and answers it immediately, having just caught the name on the screen.

"Lizzy!?" Dean's voice rushes out in a panic.

"Yeah," she simply responds from her holding cell, keeping a keen eye on the barn door, not wanting to get caught.

"Are you okay!? Are you hurt!?" he questions rapidly, eyes bouncing between Sam and Bobby to make sure they're listening.

"I'm fine. No one's gonna hurt me, not if Lou has anything to say about it. I'm safe for now," she assures him.

"Oh, thank god," Dean sighs, a hand washing down his face.

"But not for long. Lou's gonna turn me, Dean. That's her whole plan here."

"We figured something like that," he responds. "Sam's getting the GPS turned on for your phone. Whatever you do, _don't_ turn it off!"

Lizzy smiles a little with relief. "So, you got my text I take it?" Her boys were already on it. She takes in the lone comforting thought.

"Yeah. Where are you?"

"In some abandoned barn outside of the city, I'm not exactly sure where. Took about thirty minutes to get here. I can tell you that we took a right out of the lot then headed north on route thirty-five for a little bit, then east on route forty-four for most of the trek. After that I'm not sure. It's pretty rural and dark out here."

"Alright, we're coming."

"Uh, maybe you should wait until daytime, when they're asleep," Lizzy suggests, trying to think this out in the most safe and effective way possible.

"Is Lou gonna hold off that long?" Dean has to wonder.

"I can get her to hold off. She's still my best friend in there somewhere," Lizzy assures him. "Also, be very careful with these guys. They are heavily armed with some pretty bad ass looking artillery."

"Good to know," Dean nods absently before he sighs. "Look, Lizzy… I'm sorry. I should have known…"

"No way! Don't play the fucking blame game now, Winchester. Get your shit together," she tells him strongly, not looking for his pity party crap to start. "If you get here and I'm already a blood sucker, blame yourself then. For now just shut up and come get me… oh, shit."

The line goes dead.

"Lizzy!?" Dean calls into the silence of the phone. "L!?"

Nothing. Looking at the screen he knows the call was ended.

"Shit, she's gone," Dean tells the others in the room.

"How'd she sound?" Bobby wonders, pure concern in his expression.

"She's hanging in there," Dean tells him. "She's kept her shit together."

"Got it!" Sam says as he closes his laptop and stands up. "I know where she is. Let's go."

* * *

Lizzy shoves the phone down into her boot as Lou and a few others begin walking back into the barn. Pacing the floor and observing the characters as they enter, she recognizes one of the vamps. It's the one that she saw hunched over Lou in the ally. It's the one that turned her best friend. He smiles menacingly at Lizzy, his teeth still a little stained with blood.

Fucking bring it asshole, Lizzy thinks to herself as she returns the smile with a cold stare. The second she gets the chance, that son of a bitch is dead.

"Hey," Lou greets as she jogs across the dirty floor, interrupting the moment Lizzy was having with her nest-mate. "Miss me?" She smiles while trying to keep the mood as light as possible.

"Still do," Lizzy grumbles while fidgeting. Lou gets a concerned look on her face at Lizzy's words but chooses to ignore the comment. Her friend has always been a stubborn ass so she shouldn't be surprised that she's being one now. Lou takes a seat, sitting Indian-style in front of the barred door.

"Uh, I appreciate that you didn't do… _that_ in front of me," Lizzy thanks in a timid voice. It was very considerate on Lou's part to spare her the gory details. Hearing it was more than enough for her.

"No problem. Still trying to get you on my side so I thought you seeing that might fuck things up a bit."

"It would have," she concurs.

"Would it help if I told you they were dicks?" Lou asks while looking up at her friend with an innocent look.

"What do you mean they were dicks?" Lizzy questions, wanting to know exactly what she's talking about.

"One of the guys we just fed on was a convicted child molester and the other dude just got out of jail for manslaughter," Lou tells her with nonchalance. She shrugs. "They were dicks."

Lizzy stands still for the first time and looks at her best friend. She contemplates what Lou says and somehow, it does help deep down. Only slightly though.

"It's a new policy I put into place. I refused to eat until they got me deserving jerks for dinner," Lou says happily after watching Lizzy mull the idea over. "See! Still cleaning up the streets. Only now I go after evil in human form."

"Well, I guess if you're gonna kill people…" Lizzy trails off.

"Right?" Lou says happily, thinking Lizzy could be coming around. The two grow quiet for a moment before Lou keeps the conversation going. "So, are they coming?"

"You know they are," Lizzy states with annoyance. This should be obvious to Lou. "Even if Iwasn't here, you know Dean and Sam would come."

"Yeah, I kinda figured you'd get them on the Case of the Turned Best Friend pretty quickly," Lou jokes lightly. "And that's okay." Lou winks at her and Lizzy swallows hard with fear.

"Why would that be okay?" Lizzy asks while slowly easing herself down to the floor on the other side of the door, mirroring Lou's position. "They're gonna come and kill you, Louie. That shouldn't be okay."

Lou smirks at her. "How dumb do you think I am, Lizard?"

"Not dumb at all, which is what scares me shitless right now," Lizzy speaks honestly.

"Look," Lou begins to explain with her hands wrapped around the bars in front of her. "You and I both know that Sam and Dean Winchester are fucking great hunters, if not the best, and now I am A-number-one on their shit list. I can run all I want, but I can't hide forever. The whole nest knows it too."

"At least they aren't dumbasses," Lizzy comments in a surly tone.

"They aren't," Lou tells her. "So… instead of run away and constantly live our lives while looking over our shoulders, we all collectively decided to let them come to us. Bring the fight to our turf and be ready for them."

Lizzy takes a moment to contemplate how bad a plan this seems to her. The three hunters are being underestimated by the nest. Sure, they've got the artillery to kill hundreds of humans, but the rescue mission was not stocked with ordinary humans. They've gotten out of stickier situations with little more than a black eye and a couple scratches.

"You stupid bitch," Lizzy says with a slight laugh. "You seriously think they don't expect you to be ready for them? You don't think they can handle a handful of vamps? Maybe you are dumb, Louie."

"Of course we know they'll be expecting an ambush!" Lou gets angry. "I'm still a hunter, dumb-dumb. I still know how a hunter thinks. But if all of us are ready for them and with my unique insider perspective, we feel we can take the two of them on. I know the way those two think and fight from firsthand experience. I have a hell of an advantage."

Two? Lou doesn't know Bobby is here! They still have something over the vamps. Hopefully the phone battery holds out long enough and she can get the message to them at some point before they come in on Mission Rescue Lizzy's Dumb Ass.

"You know Sam's really broken up about all this, right?" Lizzy tries a new angle. Sympathy, appeal to the formerly human side of Lou. While locked up in this cell it's all Lizzy has, really.

"I thought he would be," Lou says looking down at the dirt and flicking a few rocks around with her index finger, sad that he has to go through that. "He'll be fine though." She says it with ease and sounds so sure.

"I don't think that he will," Lizzy says in all honesty. "After what happened with Madison don't you think it's a bit similar for him?"

"I can see how they are kinda the same," Lou answers, looking up at her friend. "But like I said, he'll be fine."

"Sam's a pretty emotional dude, Louie. He doesn't bounce back very easily and he takes everything to heart."

"I know that," Lou angrily says while over emphasizing her words and boring her gaze into Lizzy. She only gives that look when she is trying to tell Lizzy something without saying it out loud. With their strong bond, it usually worked. "I'll make sure he's okay with it."

It doesn't take long for Lizzy to figure out Lou's plan. Of course she knows Sam will be okay.

"You're gonna try to turn him too, aren't you?" Lizzy asks after putting it together. "You've got to be fucking kidding me! With everything he's done for you, for both of us, _that's_ how you're gonna repay him!?"

"Think about it!" Lou shouts, needing Lizzy to see her plan as brilliant like it is. "He's strong, incredibly smart, and perfect for the position really. He'd be an asset."

Lizzy runs her hands through her hair. What the hell has happened to the woman she used to know so well? How is this the same person she'd give her life for in a heartbeat? The same person she grew up with?

"So you're not just gonna turn me but Sam and Dean too. It's that easy you think?"

"No way. It'll be a hell of a fight. But it's not one I plan on loosing." Lou huffs out a laugh. "And who the fuck said anything about turning _Dean_?" She shakes her head at the absurd idea.

Lizzy doesn't respond. She just marvels at the sadistically evil thing that sits before her. She already knew that Lou was lost for good but seeing it, having it confirmed, is crushing.

"You hate him that much?" Lizzy asks with shock. She knew her sister harbored a lot of ill will for the man who fucked up pretty badly and put Lizzy through a lot of anguish, but this is extreme. "You hate him enough to kill him?"

"You would too if you could see him like I do," Lou darkly responds.

"He was an ass to one person for a year and so he deserves to die?" Lizzy appalls. "You view him the same as a child molester and a killer?"

"No one messes with my best friend. Especially not _now_." He light eyes stare strongly and fearfully into Lizzy's.

And Lizzy stays quiet, unsure of how to deal with the situation that seems to be getting worse by the second.

"So… when do our guests of honor arrive?" Lou asks, her easy, breezy ways back as she leans away from the cell door, relaxing a touch.

"The hell would I know?" Lizzy responds with a lie. She knows they won't try anything until sunup but Lou can't know she's spoken to them.

"Oh, I just assumed Dean would have told you when you called him." Lou grins menacingly.

Lou knows. She knew all along.

"I fucking hate you," Lizzy says quietly to the floor when a hopeless feeling washes over her. Lou set her up. She let Lizzy call them to ensure that Sam and Dean would be coming.

"Hand it over," Lou demands calmly while extending her hand through the bars for the phone. Lizzy sighs and retrieves it from her boot. She contemplates for a moment before placing it in Lou's hand. Once she has is, Lou begins to pull her hand away but before she can Lizzy grabs tightly onto her wrist with both hands. She pulls hard until Lou's body is pressed against the bars and brings herself close until their faces are an inch apart.

"I am telling you this one time," Lizzy warns fiercely, face set in determined anger. "You do anything to those two, touch a single fucking hair on their heads, and I will make sure _I_ am the one who cuts _your_ fucking head off." Lizzy nearly explodes with anger as Lou simply smiles back.

With lightning speed Lou releases Lizzy's grip on her and grasps onto her throat through the bars.

" _Don't threaten me_ ," Lou boastfully says as Lizzy chokes under her hold. "You don't stand a chance with me anymore. You're not the strong one now. And I _will_ do what I want with them." Lou glares at her for a second longer before releasing her hold.

Lizzy backs up, gasping for air and coughing while Lou walks away, putting the phone in her back pocket and telling the now alarmed vampires all around them to relax after seeing the struggle. Lou joins the group and takes up a bottle of whiskey as Lizzy's forces to stand by and watch the group celebrate her capture and drink into the night.


	10. Why Couldn't You Two Idjits Be That Good?

The Impala slowly travels through the darkened rural back road as the three hunters approach the barn holding the nest and Lizzy. About a half mile from their destination Dean pulls off the road and parks behind some of the overgrowth blanketing what used to be the shoulder. They all decided to take absolutely no chances with this situation. The plan is to stay off in the distance and remain unseen until daybreak, using that time to survey the area and come up with a solid plan of attack.

"We should travel through the woods parallel to the road," Dean suggests as he grabs a duffel from the trunk. "Don't want anyone coming down this road and seeing us, blowing our cover."

"I agree," Bobby easily concurs.

Dean opens the bag and hands out one syringe to each person. "It's all we got so be smart."

"Guns loaded?" Sam asks and they all nod.

"So, we head out and see what see can see. We should meet back here at 4:30 to figure out our plan of attack then head in once the sun's up." Dean has kept his eyes trained on the surrounding woods as he sets up a meeting time. Knowing just how important it is that this all goes smoothly, he's not willing to be taken off guard.

"Sounds good," Sam confirms. "I doubt once we get to the barn it'll be this heavily wooded. We need to stay way back in the trees. Don't get cocky." The last part he says directly to Dean. Lizzy's safety being threatened makes Sam nervous. He's worried about his brother. He knows Dean would give his life for him, hell he already did, and he has a sneaking suspicion that he'd do the same for Lizzy in a second.

Dean makes an annoyed face at Sam with his comment. "I'm not gonna get too cocky, Sam. I wouldn't do anything that would get Lizzy hurt or worse." It's the truth.

"Alright, let's head out," Bobby says, walking into the trees. The two brothers follow and after a short walk they can make out the silhouette of the barn at the edge of a clearing. They stay far enough in the woods to remain unseen. "I'll take the main doorway here," Bobby whispers to them, pointing to the entrance to the south. "Dean you go left, Sam cover the right. Each take a door and see what you can see. That way we can get eyes on all side of the building. Remember, 4:30 and no later!" Bobby instructs while pointing a finger at the two men while heading over to a large boulder to set up camp.

Both Sam and Dean nod and the group splits off, ready for a couple hours of spying.

* * *

Lizzy continues pacing the makeshift cell for an hour. Being cooped up has never been good for her. She needs to move. Staying still kills her and now, with her nerves on high and adrenaline running the show, sitting still is so not an option.

"Relax, would you?" Lou says, taking a swig from the Jack Daniels bottle in her hand, still her favorite whiskey, as she meanders over to the barred door. It's been an hour since they'd last talked, the conversation ending with Lou almost choking out her best friend. "I know how you can't sit still and all, but you seriously need to calm down."

"Easier said than done, Lou." Lizzy continues kicking small rocks into the walls of her little room, not listening to her directions.

"Come on. Sit down and talk to me," Lou bids while dropping to the floor the same as she had during their first conversation.

"What is there left to say?" Lizzy questions with anger. "You've said more than enough. I don't think I need to hear any more from you."

"I think you do," Lou says, taking another big swig before holding the bottle out through the bars, trying her best to make a peace offering to Lizzy.

"No thanks," Lizzy returns with a patronizing smile. As much as she'd love to get wasted and pretend her life isn't playing out like it actually is right now, she needs to stay sharp and focused. Once her men get there she needs to be ready to lend a hand. Plus, who knows what could be in that bottle, mixed in with the dark liquid.

Lou takes the bottle back, having assumed Lizzy would refuse. "Alright, I need to explain some things to you, so whether you cut the shit and listen or not… I'm just gonna start talking."

"Knock yourself right out then," Lizzy returns with a sarcastic grin. She's resistant to learning anymore about Lou's new life, yet her curious streak keeps nagging at her to listen. She continues pacing and pretends not to be paying attention even though she is.

"When I woke up here… I was fucking scared. I mean, one second I'm standing next to you with my phone out to call Sam and the next thing I know I'm locked in this cell. And I am… _freaking out_. My vision is fucked up, I can hear things so incredibly clearly and I felt sick to my stomach while starving… everything was off. And the worst part was that I didn't know where you were, or if you were even… alive."

Lou's face registers the pain of the memory and unfortunately for Lizzy, it tugs at her heart. Seeing Lou upset, even now, gets to her. She stops pacing and stands facing the metal bars, her hands at her hips, and listens.

"I tried everything I could to get out," she keeps explaining. "I didn't have my lock pick, so I couldn't get the padlocks off. I kicked and punched at the walls, I tried to dig my way out even… with my bare hands like some idiot… but nothing worked. I kept thinking about you and how much I needed to get back to you and make sure you're okay. I also knew I was turning and I needed you to…" Lou stops her sentence.

"To end it?" Lizzy guesses, knowing full well that Lou in her right mind would have wanted that.

"Yeah," Lou nods to her. "I wanted you to kill me before I turned into the same shit we hunt. I didn't want this."

"I know you didn't," Lizzy says, still standing in place. As much as she tried to keep out of the conversation, she's now fully engrossed. "But Louie, if you didn't want to change then why did you feed?"

"Didn't have a choice," Lou explains truthfully. "It was drink or die. And when you're desperate and nature takes over it makes all the decisions for you. I drank… and I wasn't happy about it but I did it. I figured even if I was a vampire that fed I could still try and find you."

Lizzy sighs, trying to hold back the tears. Lou still put her first, even through all that.

"But man, Lizzy, once I was fully vamped up, my God, it felt like life was finally bearable again. Like it wasn't so fucking awful and impossible," Lou's face lights up a little. "It was manageable."

"Was it that bad before?" Lizzy wonders, hurt that Lou would say such a thing. "Was life with me on the road, helping people, so terrible?"

"Oh, Lizard, I didn't mean it like that," Lou explains quickly. "I didn't mean that life with you was bad. You're the only thing that ever kept me going. I love you until the end. I'm just saying that certain things become easier. You know, the constant hurt, that total sadness and despair of our losses, it just kinda melts away."

Lizzy nods her understanding, knowing that Lou is referring to the feelings of loss over their parents. They spoke of it often, neither of them ever really getting over it. They live their lives, trudging on, but inside their hearts ache with their broken families and missing loved ones.

"I never lost anything of them," Lou continues. "I still remember everything, all my good and bad memories of my parents and my former, wonderful life. But it doesn't _hurt_ anymore. The loss, that fucking horrible hole that just sits in the middle of your chest day in and day out, it fills in. It goes away."

Lizzy walks over to the door, and grabs the bars in front of her while looking down at Lou. "Is that true?"

"Yes," Lou answers truthfully while standing up off the floor, leaving the bottle at her feet. "It's so much easier just to be, to live and actually, truly move on."

Lizzy stares at the familiar person in front of her, contemplating how tempting it is to finally let go of the pain and loss she feels. How God damn, horribly tempting.

"I'm happy for once," Lou continues, smile on her face. "Fully happy… well almost." Lou shares a small smile while she covers over Lizzy's hands with her own.

"Almost?" Lizzy asks, the freezing cold hands on top of her own making her uncomfortable. As close and as contented as the two are with each other Lou isn't Lou right now. Not completely.

"Yeah, almost happy. I'm missing just one final puzzle piece, you know?" Lou grins warmly through the bars and Lizzy starts getting extremely uncomfortable.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Lizzy knows there's fear in her voice, but she can't keep it from coming out.

"You, honey," Lou tells her. "I'm missing you."

Lizzy slips her fingers out from under Lou's and backs up a few steps. "You still want to turn me."

Lou shrugs. "We were meant to be together, Lizzy. We're soul mates, you know that!"

"Soul mates?" Lizzy questions, wide eyed. "In what sense?"

"You're my best friend. You're practically my sister. We've been together since we were little and we've been through so much. If that ain't fate, Lizard, I don't know what is. We're supposed to _be_ together."

Shit, Lizzy thinks. This is more than she's ready to handle. She looks down to the floor, then to the barn wall to her side, anywhere but at Lou for the moment. Best friends or not, she's pretty sure soul mates aren't supposed to be eternal vampire kills together. Not her picture of a good future.

"Lou…" Lizzy begins.

"Don't be so scared, L," Lou says and Lizzy snaps her focus onto her with sudden and sheer fury. No one calls her that besides Dean and Lou has never once used that nickname until right now. Lizzy understands clear as day in that moment; Lou is trying everything she can to get her on her side. This was _not_ the way to go about it.

"What the fuck did you just call me?" Lizzy rages, eyes wide and fists balled at her side.

"Hey, calm down," Lou soothes.

"No one calls me that except one person and you know that!" Lizzy sternly tells her. "You have no right to call me that!"

Lou sighs heavily and shakes her head in disgust. "You really need to cool it with the whole Dean thing, seriously."

"Fuck you, Lou!" Lizzy walks away and drop down into the pile of hay in the corner, refusing to talk to Lou anymore. She took it too far, said more than she should have.

"Alright, I get it," Lou says after a few moments. "Sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Lizard, I'm sorry. I really am." She's pleading now, begging for Lizzy to not me mad at her.

Lizzy continues to stare at the wall and ignore Lou. She's done with the conversation. Now all Lizzy wants is for her _real_ family to arrive and bust her out so she can just get this whole thing over with.

"Look, I get it, okay? He's important to you and…" Lou stops abruptly. She turns her head to the side and inhales deeply. She closes her eyes and Lizzy, who returns her focus to Lou when she paused mid-sentence, grows concerned.

Lou runs to her group abandoning their conversation. Her voice is low, trying to keep Lizzy from hearing, but she still overhears something that sends her anxiety on high.

"They're here, both of them."

* * *

Dean sits quietly in the underbrush observing the goings on in the barn. He's managed to find a spot with a clear shot of what looks like a holding cell. He knows Lizzy is in there, he can feel it. Call it his Spidey-sense.

He watches closely as Lou comes into view, walking to the barred door of the cell with whiskey in hand. She begins talking and now he's _certain_ Lizzy is in there. Lou sits down, her side to him at his angle, and holds out the bottle to the invisible person through the bars. Luckily, they refuse and Lou takes the bottle back. Smart girl, Dean thinks even though he knows she's highly tempted. Who knows what could be in it.

Lizzy eventually comes to the locked cell door after they speak for a while, wrapping her hands around the metal as she converses with Lou. She looks unharmed so far and Dean let out a sigh of relief. It's slightly comforting just to see her even if she's far away, locked up, and surrounded by evil. He's just glad she's still standing and still human.

Lou stands up and Dean watches as she puts her hands on top of Lizzy's around the bars. The confusion he reads on Lizzy's face is concerning. What did Lou say to her? Lizzy removes her hands and backs away until she can't be seen again. He watches as Lou continues to talk but suddenly stops and turns, breathing deep once and appearing to be on high alert all of a sudden. She briskly walks away and he can no longer see her.

The way she ends the conversation is a bit unnerving.

He feels for Lizzy as he sits back on the hard ground and drops his arms on his bent up knees. She's alone in there, probably scared though he doubts she's showing it. He checks his watch and sees that they still have a couple hours left before they need to meet back at the Impala. He hasn't observed anything too helpful so far. They know there are three barn doors, the largest one on the south and smaller ones on the east, and west sides. He knows where Lizzy's being held, in the north-west corner, and he's pretty sure he saw a nasty artillery setup on one of the southern walls. Even still, it's not much to go on.

The sound of a twig snapping shoves Dean back into focus. Trusty machete in hand, he sharply turns to look behind him. Nothing. He steadily gets onto his feet and scans the darkness around him. He knows there's something there but with the waning crescent moon it's nearly impossible to tell. He hears yet another snapping twig, once again behind him even though he's facing a different direction, and he rapidly turns around, machete gripped tightly and ready.

This time he's greeted by a tall, pale man who quickly snatches his blade away and uses the handle of it to swing at his head. Dean ducks and quickly lands a solid punch to the man's face. The man backs up a half a step with the blow, but recuperates unnaturally quickly, once again swinging. This time he doesn't miss and Dean is punched hard in the side of the head. She backs up a step and feels the disorientation settle in. Before he can shake it off another blow to the head comes, this time the temple with the butt of the machete handle. Everything goes black

* * *

The time ticks by slowly. Sam, still on the eastern side of the building, is getting frustrated with how little information he's been able to gather. No vamps have come or gone through the door he's been assigned to and his view doesn't allow him to see very far into the doorway. He shifts from one foot to the other, trying to alleviate the pressure on his feet one at a time.

Right at that moment, Sam gets that unsettling feeling, the one that lets you know you're being watched or that something is too close for comfort. The one he knows all too well. He tightens his grip around the handle of his machete and slips the other hand into his pocket, wrapping his fingers around the syringe in it. Something is wrong… something is out there with him.

The speed with which his large knife is swiped from his hand startles him and catches Sam completely off guard. He spins around quickly but instead of finding the culprit, he finds empty woods. Shit. Sam rapidly jerks his head in every direction, trying desperately to find what it is that's around him. Nothing.

Without warning, Sam's mouth is covered over by a cold hand, thwarting any attempt of his to scream out. He begins fighting back, trying to break free from the hold on him, but instead of getting away a cold arm is wrapped around his neck tightly which cuts off half of his air supply. As he grabs at the unseen thing behind him, a second vampire steps out in front of him.

"Stop fighting, big guy," the pale, blond female suggests to Sam. "You aren't gonna win this one."

Sam tries to shout back but the hand over his mouth combined with lack of air makes it impossible.

"Hey, the more you struggle the louder your heart gets. And I'm pretty hungry right now." She smiles sadistically as Sam slows his actions down with the threat. "Good boy. That's much better."

The vampire reaches out toward Sam's hands and, instead of calming down, he swings one of his legs and lands a solid kick into the vampire's stomach, making her groan loudly with pain and double over. Sam once again struggles against the unseen vampire with the extreme hold on him from behind but with no avail. The damn things are insanely strong.

"You son of a bitch!" the vampire in front of him complains with pure ire. "I told you to relax!"

Sam stands still finally, knowing that he's stuck in the hold on him and the more he struggles the harder it is to breathe as his airway is partially blocked. He begins attempting to catch his breath as the angry blond stares at him with utter malice.

"I promised I would do this the hard way but fuck that. You brought this on yourself, Sam," she informs the hunter as she opens wide, vampiric teeth descending, and lunges forward. She sinks into the juncture between Sam's neck and shoulder. He tries to shout out but it's muffled at best. He just prays that Bobby or Dean can hear his quiet cries and receive his warning. He can feel this strength leaving him as he's drained. After some seconds his eye lids droop a bit and his legs begin to give out, his knees buckling under his own body weight.

"Alright!" he hears the male voice behind him say as his head begins dropping down onto his chest. "You know what Lou said! No feeding on them!"

The vampire finally backs away, pulling her fangs out of Sam's skin and wiping her blood stained mouth on Sam's coat lapel. "So what? Since when do we take orders from brand new vamps?" She licks her lips with knotted eyebrows, wondering why it is that this man tasted so different.

"She's smart, a hunter. She knows what she's talking about. And now, you're fucked." Sam leans back into the vampire holding him as he's unable to stand all on his own any longer. He can just barely lift his head, his arms, anything. He's defenseless as he feels the hands of the vampire who just fed on him search his pockets, taking all weapons away from him.

"Nah, she'll understand," she brushes off as she grips onto Sam's ankles and lifts him with ease. "Seriously, look at this guy! There's no way we were getting him inside if he's fighting us back. This is way easier." She runs her tongue across the roof of her mouth. "What the hell is that taste?"

"What are talking about?" the male vamp asks, struggling under Sam's bulky weight.

"Don't know. Just… something is seriously wrong with this guy…."

The two vampires start walking out to the barn as Sam tries his best to clear his muddled brain and get it working properly again.

"Ha, you explain that to Lou then. I'm staying out of this one!"

* * *

Bobby stands behind the large boulder he'd been using for cover, leaning onto it with his elbows propping him up on top of the stone. The crossbow, readily aimed on top of the rock with several arrows dipped in dead man's blood, is tightly in his grip. John was the one who came up with the idea for blood tipped arrows a while back. Bobby always thought it was a great idea and is happy to put the legendary man's tactics to good use once more… even if the guy was a jackass.

He sighs as he stands, waiting for something, _anything_ , to happen and he reminisces about times when things weren't so damn crazy. Sadly that was before he'd met John way back when. Before he met the Winchesters. He thinks John would be proud of his boys if he could see them now. They're strong, smart, and everything a great hunter should be. Most importantly, however, they care. They care about saving people and helping make this fucked up world just a little less fucked up. Sure, he'd probably murder Dean himself for making that deal to save Sam, even if Dean was just trying to do what John had always taught him to. Like father like son, Bobby thinks sadly. And as much as John wanted that life for Sam that he'd worked so hard for he'd love to see the two working together again. They were a pair of hunters to be reckoned with, feared the world over by all things supernatural. John would love that.

And Lizzy… well, John would just adore her. She's tough as nails and smart as a whip. And she's the only thing besides Sam that has ever been able to get through Dean's thick skull. He'd approve of that girl in a heartbeat, especially if he ever had the chance to see her in action. Hell, he'd probably try to adopt her as his own. He'd love Lou too… or at least the old Lou… for all the same reasons.

Bobby sighs, suddenly missing the stubborn, difficult, and scary determined eldest Winchester. They could use another hunter right now. He hopes that John is still around somewhere, somehow, looking down on his kids and lending a hand when possible.

He just barely hears the muffled yell from the right and stands up tall, on high alert. He knows it's Sam's voice and that he's struggling. Bobby scans the area in the clearing in front of him, confused. He never saw a single vamp leave the barn. From the tree line on the west side he watches with horror as a vampire carries Dean over his shoulder out of the woods and towards the barn. Soon after from the east he watches two other vamps drag a barely with it Sam into the building.

What the hell is going on?

Bobby bends down and grips his machete in his hand from its place leaning against the boulder. They are under attack and if they are going to have a fighting chance of getting out of this he can't be taken.

The hairs on the back of his neck stand up as he gets that distinct feeling that something is close by. Concentrating, he can tell that it's behind him. Close too.

"Not today, you piece of shit," Bobby mumbles as he sharply turns and swipes the large blade through the air. The edge slices through the neck of the vampire sneaking up behind him with ease, his head dropping onto the leaf covered ground with a sick thud. Bobby watches as its body falls into a heap on the ground.

He takes a deep breath in relief when it's over so easily. He wipes the blade casually on the vampire's shirt before standing back up and retaking his place behind the boulder. Looking inside he can see the vampires at work, hauling the huge frames of the Winchesters around the barn.

"Now why couldn't you two idjits be that good?" he complains as the realization that he's on his own hits him. Hard.


	11. Two in the Box, Ready to Go

Lizzy remains seated on the hay, fuming over Lou's plan for her, for all of them. She's been so consumed by her running thoughts that she's blocked out her surroundings. Jumps when she hears someone unlocking the padlocks on her cell, she stands up, ready to take on whatever is about to be thrown in her direction.

The male vampire that unlocks the door opens it up and Lou walks in, an old wooden chair in each hand. She's followed by another vamp with a third chair. Lizzy takes a ready stance with fists balled, prepared to fight if needed. The male vampire just huffs a quiet laugh at her readiness then ignores her. They place the chairs down in a circle, all seats facing inward but feet apart from each other.

"Sit down," Lou tells Lizzy sternly while pointing to the chair closest to the barred door.

"Fuck you," Lizzy answers swiftly, not ready to listen to Lou about anything.

"Sit the fuck down! _Now_!" Lou booms with impatience.

"Jesus," Lizzy sighs out and gives in. She walks to the chair, eyeing Lou the entire time, and plops down like a defiant teenager into the seat. She knows she'll lose the fight anyways, so why bother.

Lou pulls out four zip ties, she and Lizzy's favorite binding tool of choice, and gets to work securing Lizzy's wrists to the sides of the chair's backing and her ankles to the front two legs.

"Alright! Bring 'em in," Lou calls out once Lizzy's tied in place and another male vampire walks in carrying a man over his shoulder. Her heart stops as she sees the bottom half of the hoisted man. Lizzy would know that ass anywhere.

She watches helplessly as Dean gets deposited into the chair across from her. He's unconscious and bleeding quite badly from a gash on the side of his head. Lou ties him down in the same way as she did Lizzy. Right after Lou starts strapping Dean in two more vamps, one of them being the blond vampire Lizzy remembers bumping into at the bar which started this whole disaster, walk in carrying the nearly passed out Sam.

"What the hell happened!?" Lizzy shouts to Lou. "What did you do to them!?" She watches as Dean's lifeless head drops down to his chest. Then she turns to the other side to witness Sam as he moans and tries to fight back while being tied down by the blondie with a faintly blood stained mouth. His neck is bleeding. She begins feeling the extreme anxiety take over once more. It's one thing to tie her down and keep her here but the sight of Sam and Dean being so hurt and so helpless pushes her to a place that she had been able to avoid for a long time now. That anger issue she's been working so hard to keep in check bursts through her. She had promised Dean she would work on it and she kept her promise until right now. "Lou! What the fuck!?"

"They're fine," Lou answers, brushing off Lizzy's concerns.

"I'm going to tear you apart, you fucking bitch!" Lizzy shouts as she violently struggles against her restraints, the plastic biting into her skin.

"Lizzy! Stop it! You'd been doing so good with that hot temper of yours. Don't ruin it now," Lou says as if it's nothing, as if she had the right to.

"I'm gonna kill you, Lou," Lizzy darkly warns, eyes dark with fire.

Lou stands behind Dean's chair and lifts his head by his hair while grabbing his chin. She holds him so that when she leans down his face is next to hers, both looking in Lizzy's direction. "What? Seriously? Lizard, don't worry about this guy. He's fine."

"He doesn't look fine!"

"Aw, come on. He is. You're okay, right Dean?" she playfully asks the knocked out man. She begins moving Dean's mouth for him while using a low and rough voice in mocking imitation. "Sure am, sweetheart! Hey, L! I'm a liar and an asshole. You should have listened to your best friend about me. Son of a bitch! Sammy, you okay? Talk to your father, Sammy!" She begins laughing at her own joke and the surrounding vampires join in.

But Lizzy's heart gets shattered by this. Her chin trembles as she speaks. "Such a sick fuck, you know that?" Lizzy narrows her eyes at Lou before she quickly glances to Sam, hoping he missed the perverse display.

He hadn't. It's faint, but the pain is still present on his face. Anxiety mixes with fury deep within Lizzy. Lou was smart to tie her in place before bringing them in here. Otherwise, she would have killed Lou on the spot for that twisted act she just performed.

"Shut up," Lou says back flippantly while pushing Dean's lifeless head forward with so much force it rebounds off of his own chest before coming to rest again. "He'll wake up in no time."

"He better," Lizzy warns, voice low.

"Or what?" Lou says without fear while walking toward Sam. "You're not going anywhere. You know, maybe this is a good thing, having you two locked up in here like this. You can get your chance to say a proper goodbye."

Lizzy looks down at the floor, gritting her teeth and doing her best to leave it alone. The sooner Lou leaves, the sooner she can calm down. Once Dean's back in the waking world and Sam's coherent enough maybe they can figure something out, as highly unlikely as it seems.

When Lizzy looks up Lou is kneeling in front of Sam, checking him over.

"I'm serious, Lizzy," Lou says while studying Sam. "You need to make amends with the douche bag and say your goodbyes. It'll hurt now, but it won't hurt for long. I'm going to make it better. That sadness, that pain you feel right now is going to fade away. I promise."

"You fucking bitch," Lizzy whispers, holding back the helpless sob that threatens to come out. How many times can a person cry in a day? She might hold the world record at this point.

"What the fuck is this!?" Lou suddenly shouts while pulling the collar of Sam's shirt to the side after noticing the blood staining the fabric. The bite mark is as clear as day and it sends her anger into overdrive. "Who did this!?"

"Whoa," the female vampire with traces of blood on her chin says. "Calm down, Lou. He's fine, just a little weakened."

"I told you not to feed on them!" she responds with rage, standing up and striding over to the vampire until they are just an inch apart, eye to eye. "Did you not hear me?"

"No, I heard you, but this guy wouldn't stop fighting us. I just made him easier to manage." The vamp stands her ground as Lou stares daggers into her.

"You should have followed directions, you moron!" Lou shouts, furious. "His strength is shit now! How are we going to turn him if he's so weak, huh? How will he get through his transformation now?" Lou reaches behind her back and grasps onto the handle of a large knife.

"We can wait until he's ready. He'll come back," the blond vampire tells Lou. "Although, I don't know about him Lou. There's something wrong with him."

"Oh really?" Lou bites back, angered to no end.

"His blood… there's something weird with it. It's…."

She doesn't get to finish her statement as Lou makes one extremely quick and very skilled movement, swinging the blade with precise motion. She cuts across the front of the vamp's neck, making her drop to the floor on her knees while struggling and gripping her own profusely bleeding neck. Lou casually walks behind her, grasping her long golden hair at the top of her head around her hand and leaning down to whisper into her ear.

"You really should've listened to me," she tells her right before using the knife to finish the job she started.

The vamp's body falls forward onto its stomach and Lou is left holding her head. Not missing a beat, Lou wipes her blade on the dead vamp's clothes and returns it to its place behind her back in the waist of her pants.

"That'll teach her to be rude to my friends, huh?" Lou mutters with a slight grin while looking over at Lizzy. She begins walking out of the cell and as she does she tosses the severed head to another vampire who catches it, his eyes growing wide with her actions.

"Go dump the bitch outside and lock the cell back up," she commands while walking away.

And shockingly the vampire listens along with the rest of the nest that's present. They gather the dead vampire's body and leave the cell, locking it up tightly behind them.

Lizzy hadn't truly feared Lou before now. She knew Lou and felt safe enough in her captive. Now, however, she's terrified of the five foot, two inch woman with a serious evil streak. If she can so easily kill one of her own… then what else is she capable of?

* * *

Dean gets out of the Impala, slamming the door behind him as he does. It's been a long day and he stayed at the garage much later than he would have liked, especially today. He makes his way up the paved walkway to the front door of their apartment, shivering against the cold winter air. Finding the right key, he moves to slide it into the lock of the old Victorian building when he hears it. 'Black Magic Woman', his favorite Santana song, is playing loudly from the second story. He smiles to himself, knowing something excellent is waiting for him, while he continues to unlock the door and step inside.

He stops in the foyer, unlacing and kicking off his boots then hanging up his heavy winter coat, all while humming along to the music. New England… why the hell did they settle here again? It's absolutely freezing in the winter. California would have been more of his style.

Dean begins his trek up the staircase, grinning with glee when he smells the baked apples and cinnamon, and stops in the hallway once he reaches the top. The hall is big with four doorways in it, the bathroom and kitchen on one end and the living room and bedroom on the end farthest from him. Sitting on the wooden bar at the top of the stairs, the bar that he'd built them after moving in months ago, is a folded note and a cold bottle of his favorite beer. Grinning, he picks them both up and flips open the card. He reads as he takes a sip.

_Happy birthday baby! It's been seven months since I got you back and I couldn't be happier. Thank you for being the stubborn, difficult and wonderful ass that you are. I love you!_

_P.S. Turn around, Hot Shot._

After reading the last sentence, he turns to see her standing in the doorway of their bedroom on the other end of the hallway wearing lingerie he hasn't seen on her before. It's black and red, lacey, see through, and absolutely awesome. And she has on her shiny black heels, the heels she wore with her FBI suit in Nebraska years ago, that he loves on her so damn much.

"I friggin' love my birthday," Dean mutters as he takes in her form. She begins moving to the music, dancing sexily down the wooden floor of the hallway and coming closer and closer to him. Dean leans back onto the bar, elbows propping him up from behind, drinking his beer and watching with a huge smile on his face. He thinks he's the luckiest son of a bitch on Earth. It's then that something in his mind nags at him. Lucky? When was he ever lucky? Something doesn't make sense here. Is he even supposed to be here?

She reaches his place, walking her fingers up over his chest and around his neck before pulling him into a heated kiss. He responds of course, but the thought of something being completely off still bothers him.

"Happy birthday," she smiles to him after backing off just slightly, that toothy bright smile of hers gleaming as she looks at him with sheer happiness.

"Thank you," Dean responds as she takes the bottle from his hand and steals a sip before returning it to him.

"Don't thank me just yet," she says before turning her back to him and beginning to dance again. She makes her way back down the hall, hips swaying the entire time, and pauses in their bedroom doorway. "Get in here and get your present first. Then afterwards you can thank me!" She winks and disappears into the room.

Dean moves to step toward the room, barely able to contain his excitement, when he's stopped by a hand on his shoulder. He turns and is greeted by an impossible site. His father is standing next to him and smiling.

"Hello, Dean," John says in a quiet voice, barely audible over the music.

"Dad!?" Dean asks, wide eyed and shocked.

"It won't be your fault," John tells him simply, meaning his words deeply.

"What?" Dean asks, so confused. What is going on?

"There's a lot coming your way, son. More than any person should ever have to deal with," his father begins explaining in a stiff tone, sounding off from the man Dean knew so well. "It's going to get bad, very bad, but you cannot blame yourself. Not ever."

"What does that mean?" Dean is lost. His father, his very dead father, is here and making no sense.

"Be strong. Get through the darkness the best you can and I promise you have something looking over you, looking out for you, protecting you. There are good things coming your way," John nods towards the other end of the hall where Lizzy disappeared to. "But you have to hold tight, get through it all, and come out on the other end."

"This doesn't make sense. Dad…"

"What, am I getting started on my own in here?" Dean hears Lizzy playfully shout to him from inside the bedroom. "You coming or what?"

"Just do what you can. And don't ever stop fighting, Dean, no matter how bad it gets. Promise me." Despite the serious warning, John keeps the warm smile on his face.

"I can't promise something I don't understand!" Dean shouts to his father, still unsure of what he's talking about.

"I will see you next time, then," John claps him on the shoulder. "Right now, you need to go help some people of great import. Wake up!"

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

Dean can hear her voice off in the distance. He knows it's her, knows that voice so well. He isn't sure what Lizzy's saying, but he thinks he heard her say Sam's name a few times. The pain starts setting in as the fog very slowly clears from his mind but the throbbing in his temple makes it that much more difficult to get the will power to come to.

"Sam-I-Am, stay with me," Lizzy calls to the very weak man next to her. "Don't pass out on me, man. I need you."

"Mm," is all Sam can get out through his tired state. He wishes he could just fall asleep right now, rest and recover, but that's dangerous knowing Lou is around. He was able to get the gist of what had just happened and now is _not_ the time for rest.

"Talk to me Sam. Use words," Lizzy says, trying to do whatever she can to get him back. Being the only fully conscious person in the room wasn't her idea of a good time.

"Mm here," he responds with heavy lids. He rests his head on his right shoulder and looks at her with unfocused eyes. "Still here."

"Good. Good," Lizzy says with a small smile, trying to be strong for him, despite that fact that he looks like crap. He is pale, dark circles forming under his eyes, and his debilitated state worries her deeply. How is he going to be any help now?

Dean groan quietly from his chair on the other side of her and she switches her focus onto him, just catching the slight movement he manages, his head lolling to the side. "Dean!" she calls to him with a little hope. He only groans a little louder with the sound of his name. "Okay, your turn, dude. Wake up! Come back to me."

He hears her clear as day now but the pain persists and makes him still unwilling to fully come to.

"C'mon Dean. Sam needs you too, not just me." She knew it was all she had to say to get Dean to fight his way back. His head begins to lift off of his chest finally and he tries dismally to reach his hand to his injured head. "Don't bother, you're tied to the chair," Lizzy informs him as she sees him try to move. "Hey, open your eyes and look at me, would you?"

He slowly hoists his head up and pries his eyes open, squinting with the ache in his skull and after searching the room, finds Lizzy.

"Hey," he smirks out with some struggling, just glad to see her face at a time like this.

"About time there, Hot Shot," Lizzy says once she can view the beautiful green orbs she's missed so much from across the room.

Dean huffs a weak laugh. "Haven't heard that one in a long time," he responds.

"Heard what?"

"You call me Hot Shot," he says with an actual grin. He loved hearing it. Something in the back of his mind tugs at him as he repeats the nickname to her, though. Wait, didn't she just call him that? Or maybe she wrote it down and gave it to him? No, that's not it. That makes absolutely no sense.

Lizzy smiles small in response and realizes it's been a year since she's even once uttered the nickname. That's way too long.

"Where's Sam?" Dean questions.

"Look to your left," she tells him and he does, seeing his little brother battling to stay coherent.

"Sammy!" Dean shouts to him, panic hitting him once more and waking him up fully with the sight. "Sam! You okay?"

"Mm-hmm," he gets out before lifting his head the little he can to look over at Dean. "S' okay. I'm okay."

"What the hell happened?" Dean asks.

"One of the vamps used him as a midnight snack," Lizzy explains on Sam's behalf, not wanting him to exert himself any more than necessary. "Lou's pissed about it, too. Guess she told the nest not to feed on you guys."

"How kind of her," Dean groggily quips.

"Kind isn't the word for her right now," Lizzy tells him further. "She killed the vamp that fed off of him. Just took her head clean off, no second thoughts." Lizzy looks out the barred door to make sure Lou can't hear her. "She's going off the deep end, Dean. And fast."

"Shit," Dean responds, still foggy from the blow to the head. "Where's Bobby?"

"Still out there, but hey! Don't mention Bobby. That goes for both of you," Lizzy says while looking in Sam's direction. He nods slightly in agreement. "They don't know he's here. It's like the one thing we've got going for us right now."

"Got it," Dean says, shaking his head and trying to clear the clouds cluttering inside it. "No Bobby. So what's going on here?"

"Not a whole hell of a lot," Lizzy tells him. "Just been sitting here waiting for you guys to come rescue my helpless ass. Good job, by the way."

"No problem. Glad to help," Dean jests in return as the memory of something in the woods knocking him out comes through the fog. Dean looks around again at the cell. Grim at best is the only thought he has. His knife is no longer up his sleeve, the one in his boot is missing too. His favorite Colt was clearly taken away and he's willing to bet that the syringe in his jacket pocket is gone too. "Damn it. We need a plan."

"I know, but I haven't really been too successful at figuring anything out yet," she tells him before sighing loudly. "We're pretty fucked here, Dean."

"Hey, we're not going down like this," Dean sternly responds. He doesn't want to hear her say anything that comes close to giving up. He can't handle the thought of it.

"Look, we need to be realistic here," Lizzy tries. "Lou's got a pretty nasty plan."

"Yeah?" he questions, eyebrows knitting together and looking for a little more insight.

"Yeah," Lizzy begins hesitantly. "She's got this fucked up idea that she's gonna turn me and Sam. You know, grab a few buddies for the never-ending road. And right now it looks like she's gonna get her way."

"Shit," Sam mutters as he hears what Lizzy says. He had a feeling he heard Lou mention turning him, but he hadn't been sure of it until now.

"Great. This sucks… uh, no pun intended," Dean responds without laughing before realizing one person was left out of Lou's scheme. "Wait, she's gonna turn you two, but what about me?"

"You? Well, you she's just gonna kill." Lizzy states it plainly. Sam's head picks up a little at this, scared for his brother's safety more than before.

"What!?" Dean questions with alarm. "Why me!?"

"Really have to ask that?" Sam responds quietly, words not so clear. Dean should easily understand why he's not on Lou's good side right now.

"Right," he answers once he thinks about it and huffs out a breath. Of course Lou would hate him after this past year.

"So, basically she wants to turn me and Sam," Lizzy informs them. "Or at least that's the creeptastic vibe I'm getting from her. She's being pretty cryptic about it all but I'm sure that's what she's up to. Damn it, Dean, what if I get turned? What then?" She asks him for an answer he certainly can't give at the moment.

"You won't," Dean answers too confidently.

"I might!" she quickly returns, sighing heavily again. She'd been locked in the cell alone for a long time before the boys joined her, her brain left to its own devices. While attempting futilely to think of a way out, something occurred to her. It's something very unsettlingly yet oddly hopeful, and it's something that she knows Dean will hate and disagree completely with. In fact, he'll probably be outraged at her for thinking up such a terrible idea in the first place but she has to give it a shot or at least talk to him about it. It'll be the last ditch effort in the absolute worst case scenario, to be used only if all else fails. Here goes nothing, she thinks. "Look, vampires live forever, right?"

"Yeah," Dean responds with unsettled curiosity. He thinks he won't like what she's about to say.

"Well, if _you_ were turned, would that mean you'd live forever too?" Lizzy pauses as her words sink into his mind. She glances at Sam, knowing he hears her, and sees his eyes popped open wide at her suggestion. "Wouldn't it cancel out your deal?"

"What!?" Dean asks with disbelief. Did she _really_ just say that to him?

"It could be an answer, a way out of…"

"No way," Sam interrupts quietly.

"Are you insane!?" Dean shouts at her.

"Shh," Lizzy warns, not wanting Lou to come back for this conversation. As he gets upset his voice grows louder. "I'm not insane."

"Ah, yes! You are!" Dean is in total disbelief at her suggestion.

"Only a little, though."

"Did you get freakin' whacked in the head too?" Dean questions in a much quieter, harshly whispered voice.

"No. I just thought that if shit gets bad then maybe there's still a way to get something good out of it," Lizzy says with pleading eyes, begging him to consider the crazy idea. "It was just something I thought of in the event that things go really, horribly wrong."

Sam silently listens to Lizzy's justification and knows how bad an idea this is. Still, something tugs at him, makes him understand why Lizzy would see this as an answer. They both were desperate to help Dean, to keep him away from hell and in their lives. They both needed him. Now that he thinks about it, he's shocked he didn't come up with the scheme himself.

"No fucking way, L," Dean responds. Lizzy bows her head with his refusal. "I am not doing that." There's a silence that grows between them for a few minutes, neither knowing what to say before Dean finally speaks up again, unable to keep quiet after hearing her absurd Plan B. "So, you wanna get me turned to avoid me going to hell… and then what? What happens after that, huh? Are you just gonna date a fucking vampire? L, it doesn't make any sense at all."

"Date? What are you, in high school?" Lizzy makes a disgruntled face at his remark. Sam huff a small laugh. Even in his feeble state he can find humor in Lizzy's comment at Dean's expense. It sounded so completely not like him.

"You know what I mean," Dean quickly says back with a little embarrassment. He did sound a little like a teenage kid with his choice of wording.

"Who said I was taking you back anyways?" she asks, upset at his assumption. She never said anything to him about having any semblance of a relationship with him ever again. What a bold statement on his behalf.

"I just… I thought…" Dean stutters out, not really sure why he was suddenly so confident that she was going to be with him. He is certain of it though, certain that they have a future. He's seen it before… maybe in a dream? "I thought that we, you know…."

"We what?" Lizzy responds with annoyance.

"Figured some of it out." He looks at Sam, uncomfortable with the conversation he's gotten into with his brother there. He then turns to Lizzy and she has a blank expression on her face. Guess he was wrong.

"Sex never figures anything out, dumb ass. It only makes it more complicated. Just because we fucked, and I totally regret doing that by the way, doesn't mean we sorted a damn thing out."

"Ouch…" Sam whispers out with Lizzy's harsh words.

"Shut up, Sam," Dean commands to his brother before asking Lizzy, "You regret that?" He has hurt written all over him.

"Well, kinda," Lizzy responds, feeling bad that she told him the truth. He looks so upset. "I mean, shit Dean. We didn't fix any of our thousands of problems that remain between us. Instead we just jumped right back into bed, which I should have seen coming, honestly."

"Yeah, it's definitely what we're best at," Dean admits. "And always revert to."

"No shit," Lizzy laments. "You really have to start finding a way to use words instead of actions, dude."

"Here, here," Sam quietly seconds from the peanut gallery, earning a tiny grin from Lizzy with his comment. Lizzy's never said anything with more truth behind it in her life.

"Seriously, dude!" Dean complains to Sam.

"I'm just saying that for me, a good lay doesn't erase everything," Lizzy tells Dean.

"Doesn't it help a little though?" Dean questions. He'd felt better about the two of them afterwards. Why doesn't she at all? "Knowing that we still have that kind of crazy, strong connection doesn't help?"

"Usually it does," she admits. "But it doesn't when you're going to be leaving me in the matter of weeks. It makes it harder to know that I can't really have you. It scares the shit out of me. In the long run… it's so much worse." Her eyes flatly look back at him, spark still missing. He wants so badly to have her back, even if it's for a few months, but he knows how selfish that is. He's still at a loss of how to handle this whole situation.

The door to the cell opens and Lou walks in, stopping the conversation where it is.

"Fucking great," Lizzy complains while rolling her eyes.

Lou brushes off the rude comment and keeps on her task at hand. She has the first aid kit from the trunk of the Mustang in her grip and she walks right over to Sam. Dean, who's beyond furious with the vampire that's so intent on stealing the most important people in his life from him, finds that he can't keep his mouth shut.

"Hey there, Lou!" he says in a mockingly cheerful voice. "How are ya'? Long time no see, you insane bitch!"

"Shut that mouth of yours, smart ass, before I shut it for you," Lou says over her shoulder while still facing Sam. She opens the black bag and pulls out gauze and medical tape.

"Oh, c'mon old pal," Dean pushes his luck. "Let's reminisce a little."

" _Dean_ ," Lizzy warns in a stern voice. He didn't see how easily Lou dispatched an out of line vampire, a member of her current family. He needs to listen to the warning she doles out and not give Lou an excuse to kill him now. Unfortunately, though not surprisingly, he doesn't listen.

"Remember when you were _nice_? When you were a friend?" he pushes on. "We worked on the Impala together. I let you near my Baby. Those were the good old days, huh?"

"Shut it, dude," Sam quietly directs to his brother while looking up at Lou with fright. It's odd to be so scared of the woman he just a few days ago trusted with his life. She looks good, he thinks to himself quickly. Damn good. Her blues eyes now a pale, ocean blue and her skin a lightened shade that compliments her perfectly. He fucking misses her already.

"You should really listen to your much, _much_ smarter little brother," Lou says bitingly back. "There's certainly no love-loss between you and I, Dean… so try not to make it any easier for me to end your life since that's what I am going to do anyways." She sits sideways onto Sam's lap, her legs draped across his and the black bag sitting on top of her thighs. She starts inspecting the bite mark on his neck.

"Get off of him," Dean sternly warns as if he had any ground to stand on. He knows Lou holds all the cards but whenever Sam is threatened, he loses all composure.

"Ha," Lou laughs. "You know I used to think you weren't that funny but Lizzy was right. You're down right hilarious, dude. Now shut up… last time I'm saying it."

Dean's eyes grow dark with his outrage, but he catches Lizzy out of the corner of his eye again. She is rapidly shaking her head no, pleading with her expression to not push it any further. He lets it be and stops talking to Lou, but only because Lizzy asks him to. Really, the list of obscenities he'd love to let fly are just itching to get out.

"Now," Lou says as she faces Sam again, warm smile in place. "I'm just gonna patch you up, Iron Giant. Relax a little." Lou takes out an alcohol pad and tears open the packet. She presses it to Sam's broken skin, getting a pained wince from him in response. "Sorry about that."

"Why are you even bothering?" Sam questions with a sad tone, picking up his head a little and looking right at the vampire sitting on him.

"Because I care about you. You know that," she tells him while tossing the alcohol pad aside. A small drop of blood oozes out of the wound and Lou can barely contain herself. She grips tightly to the gauze in her hand. She should be placing it over the bite mark, but she pauses with the temptation.

"Oh, do you?" Sam challenges. "You got a funny way of showing how much you care."

"I do," Lou responds while running her finger over his broken skin and catching the blood on it. "You're this close to me while bleeding and I haven't drained you yet. That should be proof enough." She winks to him before popping her blood-tipped finger into her mouth. The sight reminds Sam of Nebraska, when it was his finger in her mouth instead, her mouth sucking it down in a way that was fully sinful. He shakes his head no slowly while looking away. Lou's not the same. That will never be them again. It fucking hurts.

"Well thanks for that," Sam spits with sarcasm. He watches as her face scrunches up after removing her index finger from her lips.

"What the hell?" she quietly questions with total confusion, staring at her now cleaned off fingertip. She then snaps her focus onto him. "What's wrong with you, Sam?"

"What do you mean?" he asks, knowing exactly what she's asking but feigning ignorance on the issue.

"You taste… weird," Lou tells him with shock as Lizzy looks over with alarm. "Why? What's different about you?"

"Nothing's different about him!" Dean shouts from his chair, not being able to keep quiet, even with Lizzy's pleads. "Get your fucking hands off of him!" He is too uncomfortable with where this is going and he defends his brother out of sheer habit.

"You never learn, do you?" Lou asks Dean over her shoulder with narrowed eyes, inspecting his expression. "And I think you know exactly what I'm asking about. You know what's wrong with him, don't you?"

Dean clenches his jaw and looks away, refusing to speak about it.

"You're scared I'll find out about whatever this is." She whips her head back around to Sam. "Something's up, Sam. I want to know."

Sam stays quiet while she finally drops the gauze over his wound and begins taping it up. He doesn't want to tell her. How she'll react is a mystery and no matter which way it goes, it won't be good.

Once Lou finishes patching Sam up, she drops the black bag to the floor and brings her hands to his chest. "Sam, tell me what's going on," she bids while running her fingers over him and settling around his neck and scooting up until there is no space left between them. "I want to know. You can tell me."

Sam recognizes the old Lou for just a flash and his heart drops, missing her so badly. He closes his eyes and drops his chin. He never told her about the demon blood as much as he wanted to. He'd always thought better of it. Now she knows for a fact that he is different and he can't even talk to her about it. How twisted.

Lou lifts his head with her fingertips under his chin until they are eye to eye. She smiles gently to him and Sam sees her, his Lou, deep in there somewhere. "Don't shoulder this thing alone. You've always had me to talk to. You still do."

Dean opens his mouth to say a biting remark, but once more Lizzy shoots a warning look. Lizzy knows now is not the time for Lou to hear from Dean. She will no doubt kill him on the spot. Dean reluctantly nods his agreement with her silent pleas.

"I'm not shouldering anything alone," Sam finally says. "I still have people. I have Dean."

"But you also have me," she says, coming closer to his lips with her own. "You need me, Sam. Dean can't always help you. You've said so yourself." She softly drops her lips fully onto his and kisses him. Sam's heart aches with her actions, the kiss being so damn familiar but the person it's coming from being so completely unknown. And he lips are so cold. He doesn't return her affections at all. He just sits and lets her mouth move against his.

Lou unbuttons Sam's plaid shirt while assaulting his mouth and once she has it open her icy hands roam across his torso, making him shudder. "C'mon Sam, I know you're in there somewhere," she whispers in his ear as he shifts uncomfortably under her. "You know I can get you going, Big Boy."

"Not this time." Sam responds, simple and to the point.

Lizzy looks away from the scene, unable to handle it any longer. The silent tears finally escape and trail down her cheeks as she comes to terms with what she must do to save Sam and Dean both. She can't let this happen. Everything, all of it, is her fault. She shouldn't have gotten them involved in this and the world can't afford to not have the Winchesters in it, protecting it.

Dean looks over to Lizzy as she begins to silently cry. He'd give anything to get his hands on Lou right now. With what she's putting both Sam and Lizzy through, she deserves to die. He's angry and helpless. But he wants to kill Lou. That's all he wants.

Lou pulls away from Sam with a disappointed expression, her blue eyes locked on his. "What's wrong, Sam?" she asks while bringing her hands to the sides of his face to ensure his full attention.

Instead of answer, Sam just looks back at her with a furrowed brow. He doesn't have anything he can say. It's senseless to try and reason with her now so he doesn't bother. He looks at her, the girl he really needs in his life, especially at this point, as a lost cause.

"Giant, come on," Lou pleads to him while pulling open his belt. "We can still have fun, still have our connection. Remember what we agreed on last time we talked?"

Sam looks ready to break down. He remembers all too well.

"Three days, just us," she reminds, popping the button on his jeans. "We were gonna sneak away. It would have been three days of us. Three days for me to have my way with you and forget the shitty world."

Sam remains quiet and looks away from her, the idea of what they were planning now lost and painful.

Lizzy looks over and sees the pain in Sam's eyes as Lou moves in to kiss him again while unzipping his pants. She can't take it anymore, the evil way she's treating him. Sam doesn't need this.

"Uh-oh," Lou smiles slickly at Sam as her hand slips into his pants and is pleasantly surprised by what she finds. "You may say you don't want to play… but it sure _feels_ like you do." Sam's face twists with heart wrenching pain over Lou's sadistic actions but she doesn't let up. She stands up and moves so she's in between his knees, eyeing him with carnal hunger.

"Leave him alone!" Dean breaks in while struggling against his bindings, desperate to stop Lou. What she's doing is damaging his little brother horribly and he can't keep quiet any longer. "Don't fucking touch him!"

"You want me to keep going, don't you?" Lou playfully asks Sam while dropping to her knees on the dirty barn floor. She grins over at Dean suddenly. "What, you worried you're gonna find out you're little bro has a bigger dick than you? Lizard and I compared notes a long time ago… you lose." She winks before turning back to Sam and runs her hands down the front of his chest, touching the skin exposed by his open shirt. "Sorry. Where was I?" she drags her fingers over the front of his pants and Sam sighs loudly in complete frustration and embarrassment. How could she do this to him? She then grabs him through his clothing. "Oh, yeah."

Lizzy takes a deep breath and peers over to Dean. He looks back at her and she mouths to him, ' _I'm sorry_.' Dean starts to panic with her sudden apology. He mouths back, ' _Why?'_

She just blinks, making new tears crest over the edge. She knows what she's about to do so now or never. Deep breath taken, she mouths to him the one thing she's refused to say for so long. _'I love you.'_

"Louie, knock it off," Lizzy quickly demands, closing her eyes so she can't see the look in Dean's eyes when he figured out what she's doing. "Leave the poor dude alone. He's not even the one you _really_ want anyways."

Lou sits up on her knees rigidly with Lizzy's comment, not having been ready for it. She turns to face her friend without getting off the floor. "You know what, Lizard?" she begins, making everyone nervous. "You're completely right."

Lizzy sighs in relief as Lou stands up and leaves Sam alone. At least he's safe from her. Lizzy can do this.

"I was just messing with him anyways," Lou smirks as she walks over to her best friend. "That man is too damn fine not to play with just a little. But you're right, you're the one I'm after."

"I know I am," Lizzy says as she watches Lou confidently move towards her. "And I also know that you're doing all of this for me… for us to stick together."

Dean can't believe what he's seeing. He knows what Lizzy is trying to do and he hates it. She's attempting to keep both Sam and him safe, but at her own expense. She's about to sacrifice herself. He shoots a look at Sam whose frightened expression mirrors his own.

"Lizard," Lou says while straddling Lizzy in her chair. "You know how much I love you."

"And I love you too, Louie," she responds, trying her best to calm her nerves as the tears continue to fall. This is the right thing to do, she keeps telling herself. "You know I always have. You're like my sister."

"And I can't go on without you," Lou tells her, wiping at Lizzy's tear streaked cheeks with her freezing cold fingers. "You know I need you."

"I need you too," Lizzy continues crying as she tells the truth. Losing Lou terrifies her. Maybe this is the easier way out, to go just with Lou. "I don't want you to leave me."

At this, Lou kisses Lizzy's cheek, her freezing lips leaving a lasting feel on her skin. "I'm not going anywhere, Lizard," Lou sooths as she runs her hand through Lizzy's hair, trying to calm and comfort her best friend. "Neither are you, right?"

"Right. Louie, you and I, that's all we need. That's all we've ever needed, right?" Lizzy asks, hopeful that she can pull this off.

"Damn straight," Lou smiles, thinking her best friend is finally coming around.

"Then we don't need them," Lizzy nods to the two men in the room. "We've never needed them. We've always kicked ass on our own. Just let them go and we'll do our thing, like always."

"Lizzy! Don't!" Dean cuts into the conversation, unable to sit quietly now. His heart is hammering with fear.

"Dean! Shut the fuck up!" Lou impatiently yells back to him without looking at him. And then Lizzy smiles with hope up at her friend. Lou sits up straight and makes a strange face at Lizzy's suggestion.

"You know I can't do that," Lou says matter-of-factly. "They'll come find us. They'll kill us."

"No they won't," Lizzy lies, trying to make it sound obvious that they wouldn't… when they both know the Winchesters would absolutely come for them. "As long as we keep the streets clean like you said, feed on people who deserve it, they'll have no reason to come after us. And we'll be safe. Like you said, insider perspective. We know how they think."

"They'll still come after us," Lou answers back, face serious. Sam and Dean both watch in horror as Lou reaches behind her and withdraws her knife once more from its sheath. "We'll be in constant fear."

"Louie, I'm telling you…" Lizzy begins but is cut off when Lou places her palm across her mouth, stopping her from talking.

"We can't risk it," Lou explains with a soft tone. "You will understand very soon. You'll see it all, I promise." Lou lifts her hand off of Lizzy's mouth and kisses her once, something sweet and loving. Something like family would.

Dean finds himself utterly confused by what he sees. Lizzy is giving in so easily, almost like she wants to be turned. He thought at first it was to save his bother and him… but now she looks almost resigned to the idea. She's in that much pain with losing her best friend.

Lou smiles sincerely down to Lizzy, gently running her fingers down the side of Lizzy's face and tucking her long hair behind her ear. "You're my best friend. You know that?" she asks while bringing the blade to her own wrist.

"Lou, no," Sam warns as Lou drags the sharp edge across her skin, breaking it and drawing blood. She ignores him and keeps at her task. "Don't."

"I love you, Lizard," Lou tells Lizzy as she brings her wrist closer to Lizzy's mouth, who purses her lips and shakes her head no slowly while finally having second thoughts about this plan of hers.

"Lizzy! No!" Dean shouts as Lou's wrist inches closer.

"Ahh!" The four in the cell hear the cry of pain from outside the barn. Lizzy and Lou both snap their focus out the barred door and to the front, south entrance.

The large vampire that had been standing guard out front stumbles to the doorway, an arrow protruding from his stomach. He leans hard into the wooden framing before yet another arrow sails through the air and pieces his body, the tip coming through the center of his chest. He screams in agony once more before falling to the ground.

"Shit!" Lou yells with anger as they all hear a cell phone begin to ring. Lou pops the knife back into its leather holder and pulls Lizzy's phone out of her own pocket. She smiles when she looks at the screen, shaking her head, before shouting out to the rest of her crew. "Relax! Everyone stay out of the doorways and sit tight!" Lou then turns to Lizzy. "We'll try this again later, huh?" she tells her before climbing off her lap.

Dean and Sam look to each other, knowing Bobby was still out there and behind the sudden commotion. They watch as Lou answers the call.

"Hiya, Bobby!" she smiles.


	12. Even the Old Men Get Got Sometimes

"Hiya, Bobby!" Lou smiles into the phone with a hand on her hip.

Lizzy blows out a huge sigh of relief as Lou's attention is diverted at the moment. It'll at least buy her more time before Lou turns her. That was a close one.

"I was wondering when I'd hear from you!" Lou comments while pulling her long sleeve shirt and over her wrist, covering the fresh slice to help stop the bleeding.

"Well here I am," Bobby flatly responds.

"Hey everyone, say hi to daddy dearest," Lou says to the three others in the cell, holding the phone out for everyone to give their greetings. When no one answers she brings it back to her ear. "Damn, that's cold. Guess they don't want to say hi to you, Bobby. They must like me better."

"What's the plan here, Lou?" Bobby questions from his place still behind the boulder outside the south entrance. He has his crossbow ready and aimed at the main barn door, machete by his side. He's ready for whatever Lou's about to bring.

"Like I'm gonna tell you," Lou laughs lightheartedly. "So, you took care of Jessup for me I take it?"

"If by Jessup you mean the dumb ass who came after me, then yeah," Bobby says while kicking the corpse at his feet. "He's indisposed at the moment."

"That's fine. I didn't really like him much anyways."

"Lou, just let 'em go, kid," Bobby tries to negotiate. "You know this ain't gonna work out in the long run. And even if you do take us all down, there'll be more hunters coming right behind us."

"Not this time, Bob-O. I've got this one." Her confidence is unsettling to everyone.

"Damn it, Lou!" Bobby says, letting his frustration get to him. "Just stop it! I've already lost enough, losing you too..."

"You aren't losing me," Lou cuts in to explain simply.

"Already have if ya' ask me," Bobby quickly returns with.

"Look, you're still gonna have me around. We'll still have each other, I promise."

"The fuck are you saying', woman?" He doesn't like how she's talking.

"Relax would you? You worry too damn much. Gonna give yourself a heart attack, old man," Lou comments before hanging up. She leaves the cell, locking it securely behind her. She looks around the barn, all the vampires waiting for her to speak. "He's in the woods just behind the tree line, been there for a while. He killed Jessup. You catch him, you can have him. Happy hunting!"

* * *

The line goes dead and soon after he hears Lou's voice loudly instructing the nest from inside the barn, telling them to go get him. Crap, he thinks as he takes aim with the crossbow. The proverbial shit is about to hit the fan and he knows it.

Before he has a second to try and compose himself, a bullet ricochets off of the boulder he's standing behind just inches from his arm and Bobby hits the ground, ducking behind it for safety. He grips tightly to the crossbow still in his hands and breaths deeply. Time to kick some ass.

He peeks out the side of the large rock and sees the four vamps already outside, aiming into the woods and firing at random. They can't see him. Good. He lays on his stomach, propped up on his elbows and uses the ground to stabilize his shaking arms. He takes his time, lines up his shot and pulls the trigger, getting a male vampire that was walking into the woods closest to him in the stomach. It clutches at the arrow and falls backwards, moving slowly as the poison of dead man's blood begins taking effect.

The three others whip their focus to the area the arrow had come from and start once again shooting into the thick tree line. Bobby retreats behind the stone, rapidly reloads another arrow, and crawls to the opposite side of the boulder. He peeks around the other end and aims once more. This time he takes out a female vampire, piercing her chest. She drops with a scream and flails on the ground briefly before going quite still. Two down, two to go.

Well, make that five to go, Bobby thinks as three more vampires walk out the south door. Better move faster. Bobby reloads again.

"Victor, Lauren, you two hang back and shoot at anything that moves," one of the males directs as the other three take aim in front of them and start walking into the woods.

"Balls," Bobby mutters to himself. "If I get outta this, I'm gonna kill those dumb kids…."

* * *

"What can you see?" Dean asks Lizzy with high alarm, worried about Bobby. She's the only one close enough to the cell door to maybe see anything.

"Looks like he's gotten a few of them down," Lizzy answers as she cranes her neck and sees what she can from her chair she's still tied to. "I think he's rocking a crossbow or something. Couple vamps have arrows in them."

Sam smiles, remembering the tactic they'd picked up from his father. "Dead man's blood," he nods to Dean, who knowingly returns it.

"Works every time," Dean comments back.

"Where's Lou?" Sam asks quietly, getting his head totally upright on his own for the first time, slowly regaining his strength. "You see her anywhere?"

"No," Lizzy tells him. "Shit. Now I'm really worried about Bobby. That's a lot of vampires to take on singlehandedly."

"Eh, he's Bobby," Dean brushes it off. "If anyone can handle it, it's our guy."

Lizzy just remains with her gaze stuck out the door, not hearing what Dean tells her. She watches as three vamps begin trekking into the trees and her stomach turns. She tastes the bile in her throat as she comes to terms with Bobby being their only hope, being out there alone with odd far against him. Everything is on his shoulders and it's so unfair. "Damn it, this is my fault. It's completely my fault."

"Knock it off, L. This is _not_ your fault," Dean tells her once again. "Shit happens when you're a hunter, we all know that. And bobby's damn good."

"Yeah, Lizzy. Dean's right," Sam adds, trying to soften the constant stream of blows she's been receiving. "He can do this."

"I fucked up and now other people have been dragged into it… other people I care about," Lizzy responds, still not hearing him. Her heart begins racing faster and faster as the revelation comes to her. She breaks out in a cold sweat. "I got bobby into this. I got you guys into this."

"Hey. You gotta stop," Dean calmly tells her from his seat, head still raging with pain but he has other things concerning him now. It hurts to hear her place all the blame on herself when she isn't accountable. Lou is.

"No, no. This is so fucked up," she keeps ranting before bowing her head. "I got you all into this by running my stupid fucking mouth. I ruined the only family I have left. I shouldn't have gotten anyone mixed up in this shit." She starts shaking and her breathing quickly becomes erratic. "Fuck me. Why did I go get you guys?"

"Lizzy? What's wrong?" Dean asks her, getting very scared with her crumbling state. "What's going on, Lizzy? Talk to me!"

"Panic attack," Sam answers instead as he recognizes the symptoms of her anxiety as it finally consumes her. "She has these now and then."

"How do you know that?" Dean wonders.

"Lou told me," Sam explains and looks to the woman in trouble. "Lizzy, hey. Look at me." She doesn't. "Lizzy, you need to relax. You're ok, we all are. You gotta calm down for us, okay?"

She doesn't respond at all, just keeps her head low as the pressure on her chest tightens. She feels the walls begin to close in on her and the pending doom fills her completely.

"L, listen to Sam," Dean sternly calls over to her when he sees the sheen of sweat form on her forehead. He can't sit by and watch anymore. He need to do something, _anything_ , to help her.

Dean begins rocking the old chair he's strapped to back and forth, making it teeter on edge with each movement.

"You just need to breathe, simple as that. In and out, Lizzy. Come on, breathe," Sam instructs in as even a tone as he can manage before looking over at Dean's crazy actions. "Dean, what the hell are you doing?"

"Trying to break this fucking thing," he says through a labored voice. "Focus on her!" Lizzy needs him, end of discussion. He pushes all his weight to the left and as he does the chair begins to fall. He slams hard onto the dirt floor shoulder first. That'll be a nice bruise, Dean thinks as he grunts out in pain. With the impact comes a loud cracking sound.

"Listen to me," Sam ties again to help Lizzy as he keeps an eye on his brother. "Lizzy, you have to bring it down. You don't need to worry this much. We're all okay."

"Can't… breathe…" is all she can get out as she pulls against the plastic straps keeping her in the chair. The feeling of being bound in place isn't helping as her inside hysteria grows.

Once the ache from the fall subsides, Dean tries to move the arm he'd fallen on. He hears the old wood crack some more and with one hard tug he's able to break the backing. His left arm is free, though still tied to a broken piece of chair. Flailing violently, Dean starts in on getting his right arm to break free also.

"Look at me, Lizzy!" Sam shouts to her in the most serious and demanding tone he can muster. She does so and Sam registers the intensity of utter fear in her expression. "You're okay. This isn't your fault. You have to relax and listen to me." Lizzy simply shakes her head no, not having the strength to believe him and get her thoughts to lighten up. She drops her head again and remains in her panic as she truly thinks she deserves it.

There's a loud snap and when Sam looks over to Dean on the floor, he has two loose arms. How the hell he managed it, Sam has no idea, but he continues watching with awe as Dean slides the broken wood through the plastic zip ties around each wrist and gets his hands completely mobile.

Once his arms are cleared, Dean gets to work on freeing his ankles. Leaning back on his hands while sitting on the floor, he raises his legs and brings them down with force, smashing the bottom half of the chair into the floor. He recognizes the pain in his calves but it doesn't matter to him at the moment. The wood begins to break and he thinks with a few more slams he might be able to get through it. He takes a second to glace over at Lizzy and sees that she's still completely absorbed by her own dread and guilt. He moves quicker, needing to get to her as soon as he can manage before she loses it all together.

After breathing unevenly for so long, Lizzy feels the dizziness set in. She knows she should be trying to find a way out of her attack but even if she does get herself back to normal what good does it do? She's still stuck here, still going to be turned, still going to lose Lou, and it's still all her fault that her men are in such danger. Her whole life feels hopeless so why bother.

But then she feels calming hands on her cheeks and hears a calming voice break through the horrible despair.

"Lizzy," Dean says to her while on the floor at her feet, eyes at the same level. "Look at me. Now."

She does what he asks after hearing the demanding tone he uses and she's surprised to actually see him in front of her. How the fuck did he get over here? As soon as the question pops into her head however, it disappears. She doesn't care how, she's just so happy he's there, right next to her.

"You have to breathe, cool off… alright?" he says while boring his gaze into her eyes and feeling her shake beneath his touch. She nods a yes in return and for the first time she actually attempts to reel herself back in. Dean begins looking around the chair, checking his pockets, and searching around the bare room for anything that could cut her free.

"Dean," Sam calls over, knowing what he's trying to do. "Check my boot. I think they missed one of my knives." Dean runs over and pulls off Sam's right boot and just like he'd though, the knife was there.

"How'd they miss this?" Dean questions as he runs to Lizzy's chair and begins cutting her ankles free.

"I think when Lou decapitated that vamp they all forgot to finish their search out of fear."

"That would do it," Dean states as he moves to her wrists and cuts open the last two zip ties. Lizzy stands and launches herself into Dean, gripping tight and letting the relief of being freed wash over her. He holds for a quick moment before pushing her back from him and grabbing her hands, placing them on his own chest. "Now you gotta calm the fuck down, L. Feel my breathing?" he asks. He holds her hands in place by covering them with his own.

"Y-yes," Lizzy whispers out.

"Follow it. Do the same. Look at me!"

She looks up and watches his face, breathing in and out along with the rise and fall of his chest. It takes some time, but she keeps locked eye contact with him. His eyes plead for her to listen to him and fight the attack so she does, knowing he's right and she needs to listen. Slowly but surely her breathing slows, falling in sync with his. Once she feels the real world returning, becoming clearer little by little, she closes her eyes and sighs in true relief.

"That 'a girl," Dean smiles just slightly. "You ok now?"

"Yeah, I'm good," Lizzy says and without thinking she steps right into him. She brings her arms hesitantly around his middle, knowing she shouldn't want to be this close to him, and falls right into the embrace the moment his arms come around her form. Into the canvas of his coat she tells him, "Thank you. Seriously."

And the sincerity in her voice hits him square in the chest. She's been nothing to him if not truthful and completely genuine since the day he's met her, even now… even with what he's put her through. He knows now what he's always deeply down known but never said.

Well, fuck it. If they're about to die or get turned then this might be his last chance anyways. Why be a fucking baby about it any longer.

Dean leans down to her ear and whispers, "Get your shit together, L. Don't make me watch the girl I love lose it again, alright?"

Lizzy looks up at him with wide, shocked eyes for his choice in words. Figures he'd chose now to actually say it, right? Bastard.

"You two done with the crappy chick flick moment over there?" Sam calls out in his weakened voice, now sitting up on his own accord. "Could use a little help here."

"Keep your panties on," Dean jokes as he walks away from Lizzy and heads to his brother. Quickly, Dean cuts him free. Sam grabs Dean's shoulders and uses them to help get himself standing, though he wobbles and leans a bit to the right as he does. "Easy, dude. Take it slow."

"I got it," Sam says with a hint of annoyance as Lizzy runs to his side and pulls his arm around her shoulders to help support him, reaching to the top of his pants to catch them before they fall completely off after they all forgot Lou had opened them up. "I'm fine. A little weak still but I'm good enough."

"Just don't try and do too much too soon. You'll black out with the blood loss," Lizzy tell him, her medical background kicking in automatically. "Hey, hold him up?" she then asks of Dean. Once he does, Lizzy tried to reassemble Sam, zipping and buttoning his pants and then moving to close up his plaid shirt. Fucking Lou, so God damned evil.

"Thanks," Sam says with a little humiliation and then pauses for a moment once he's standing stable enough. He stops to take in his surroundings and finds it's eerily calm outside the cell, which is strange considering the small war Bobby had just started a few moments ago. "What the hell?"

"What?" Dean asks, confused.

"Why is it so quiet out there?"

"Shit," Lizzy responds with concern while Dean runs to the door to see for himself, leaving her to hold up Sam on her own.

"Son of a bitch," he complains when he takes in the scene in front of him.

* * *

"Hold it right there, Bobby," Lou commands as she aims a handgun at him from the open barn door on the southern wall.

Bobby had managed to take down the whole nest, either with an arrow dipped in dead-man's blood or a silver knife coated with the same. Luckily only two vamps had made it close enough to him to be in stabbing range but he'd been ready. Once the whole onslaught was down for the count, Bobby began beheading each one on his way to the entrance, ready to head inside and confront Lou.

Now, just a few feet from the main doorway, he pauses, machete in hand while he's hunched over the poisoned vampire at his feet when he hears Lou's voice.

"How many you put down for good so far?" Lou asks without a care in the world.

"Three of the seven you sent out after my ass," Bobby informs her with the basic facts. "And I'm planning on finishing off the rest too."

"Put down the machete, Bobby," Lou directs. She sees him freeze, seemingly contemplating the demand, and she grows impatient. "Now!"

"Lou…" Bobby begins to try and speak to her but is cut off by the sound of Lou's gun being cocked.

"I'm not fucking around here, man. Drop it!" she shouts. Reluctantly, Bobby does as she orders, knowing he wouldn't be much more help to anyone if she decided to take him out here and now. Once the machete is on the ground, Bobby lifts his hands in the air to show his surrender.

"Good," Lou smiles while walking towards him, gun still aimed at him. She stands in front of Bobby, patting him down quickly. She pulls out his handgun and a knife from his waistband and tosses them to the ground. She then gives him one last evil grin and bends down to pick up the machete. "Go stand in the doorway and don't move."

Bobby listens, walking until he's in the threshold and turns back. "Lou, you've gotta stop all this, hon. I know you don't want to hurt us. You're still in there somewhere, I know it."

"You're right, Bobby. I don't want to hurt you," Lou returns while bringing the machete high into the air and dropping down with force, beheading the vampire that Bobby had previously been about to kill. She grins again to him and walks to the next vamp, struggling on the ground.

"What the hell are you doing?" Bobby questions with terror as he witnesses Lou do the same to yet another vamp, separating his head from body with absolutely no care or remorse.

"Oh, I don't care about them," Lou says while laughing. "These things, these _monsters_ , are insane!" She quickly dispatches of another poisoned vamp, blood spattering onto her face. She wipes her sleeve across her cheek, smearing the red evenly on her porcelain skin, the color contrast sending chills down Bobby's spine. "They were killing without rhyme or reason. No purpose, no…"

"Humanity?" Bobby tries to finish for her.

"For lack of a better term, yes," Lou agrees as she meanders to the last of her nest.

"Lou, stop!" the vampire on the ground, weak with dead man's blood, shouts up to her. "You can't do this!"

"No, I think I can," Lou smiles with ease right back.

"But… I'm your maker!" he reminds her. "I'm the one that turned you. We're your family!"

"Nope," she coldly returns before looking over to Bobby. "I already have one." She winks once before looking down and slicing the blade through the neck of the pleading vamp.

And he gets it then. "So, this is what you wanted this whole time," Bobby states, putting together the whole ordeal. "You wanted us to get here, to help you kill your own nest. You wanted them outta the way so you could make your own nest with your own family, didn't you?"

"Always knew you were the smart one," Lou answers, grinning. "These things were mindless idiots, thinking only with their lust for blood and booze and sex. There was no reason for them. They killed for kicks and cheap ass thrills."

"Yeah, that's generally what vampires do," Bobby says, conveying to her how obvious what she says is.

"No shit. However, this didn't fly with me. I still have some of my beliefs in place. My sense of right and wrong isn't totally gone, you know."

"You haven't really done a bang up job of showing' that one, kiddo," Bobby huffs out while shaking his head.

"Couldn't. Not until my plan worked out. Not gonna just show my hand, old man. And I've got one hell of a poker face."

She's smarter than any of them, Bobby thinks. They never stood a chance, not a single one of them. "Jesus," he mutters.

"I guarantee _he's_ not here right now," Lou smirks when he mentions the holy name before taking aim again with her pistol. "Now, it's time to have some fucking fun. Get inside."


	13. Old Fueds

"I have to say, I expected more out of my family," Lou explains while pushing Bobby into the open cell door. "More of a fight maybe… or at least more insight." She pauses from the door and looks around. "Though I _am_ impressed that you all managed to get out of those chairs."

"What the fuck, Lou!" Lizzy yells as she rushes over to Bobby after he stumbles on his feet with the shove he was given and checks him over, looking for injury.

"I'm fine. She never hurt me," he whispers, patting Lizzy on the shoulder and reassuring that she doesn't need to give him the once over.

"I didn't hurt him, Lizard. Untwist your fucking panties."

Dean says nothing but his anger begins overflowing as he watches Lou shut the cell door. With all four hunters in Lou's captivity they're in huge trouble, certain to become vampires themselves… or worse in his case. Powerlessness has never been something Dean handles with ease and, though he's done his best to restrain himself, the feeling trumps his better judgment when he recognizes what might be his only chance to do something.

Before Lou can get the first padlock in place Dean takes long, fast strides to the door and kicks it open with all the force he can muster. The blow makes Lou trip backward as he does. She falls over her own feet with the surprise and crashes to the ground onto her back. Within seconds Dean is hovering over her and taking a knee, lowering himself down to her level. The look searing in his eyes as he leans down towards her is downright frightening and if the other three hunters hadn't known better they'd have expected them to flash black. He grips onto the collar of Lou's shirt and pulls her the rest of the way up until their faces are mere inches apart.

"I'm done with your shit, Lou," Dean warns as he pulls back his arm and lands his right fist into her cheek, making her head reel back with the blow. "You are not taking them from me!" He throws another punch to the same side of her face, splitting it open over her cheekbone. "I won't let you have them! They're not yours to take, you bitch!" One more punch for good measure, to really drive his point home, before Dean stands back up, her collar still in his tightly closed hand. He's snapped and he knows it but he really couldn't care less.

"Dean!" Lizzy calls to him from her place in the cell doorway. She's torn completely with what plays out in front of her, her best friend and the guy she's stupidly in love with battling it out. She then watches with both fear and panic as Dean begins walking, Lou dragging behind him as he's yet to let go of her collar. Lou fights back, kicking and struggling against him, dirt flying in her wake.

"Let go, you stupid fuck!" Lou screams with hatred. "I'm gonna kill you for this!"

"I'd like to see you try," Dean retorts as he once more reels back and punches Lou in the face. He repeats it yet again, all his strength behind each blow, and she goes limp in his hold. She's dazed by the attack and Dean just smiles at his handy work, finally getting some revenge on the petite monster.

"No… no way," Lizzy mutters as all three sprint out the door of the cell. "This isn't happening." It's a simple statement, really, filled with complete denial.

Lou stirs on the floor, turning over and looking up to where Dean is headed to the wall of weapons. He quickly chooses, taking up the machete Bobby had previously put to good use. It was leaning against the barn floor, still covered in the blood of her nest-mates. With a smile he looks back over to Lou on the floor. She's still there looking very out of it. Dean then spies Lizzy, Bobby and Sam running toward him.

"No!" Dean shouts to them, pointing the large knife in their direction. "Back off. She's mine!"

"Dean, take it easy," Bobby warns as he holds an arm out to stop Lizzy from running any closer. The look Dean gives scares even Bobby and he doesn't want her going any closer.

"Shut up!" Dean shouts in return while skulking towards Lou.

Sam can't hold himself back as much as Dean wants him to and he takes it upon himself to stand behind Lou's position on the floor, boxing her in between his brother and him. He needs to help somehow and making sure Lou doesn't have an easy way out can be his contribution, though he's still unsure how helpful he can be in his current energy-sapped condition.

"You can't do this, Lou," Dean tells her with a dangerous edge. "These people are your family. You can't just take them!"

Lou just huffs a disgusted laugh at him while still on the ground, her brain defogging. "Fuck you, douche bag."

"You hear me!?" Dean leans down close and screams in her face. Machete at the ready, he holds the large blade in front of himself and aligned with her neck. "Answer me!"

"Fuck you," Lou struggles out again before spitting in his face, the glob tinged with blood.

Sam's eyes grow wide waiting for the irrational reaction his brother is sure to have with Lou's actions, his stance edgy as he waits for the attack.

Instead, Dean coolly wipes his face with his sleeve and calmly drops onto the floor next to the weakened vampire.

"That's nice," Dean tells her sarcastically. "Still doesn't change that you aren't gonna win this one."

"Neither will you," Lou cuts. "You're leaving. I know about the deal, Dean. So what the hell are you even doing here? You gonna save her from her true best friend and then what? Abandon her all over again?"

Dean's eyes narrow with the truth,

"Sounds like you're just trying to keep Lizzy sad and alone and brokenhearted when she could come with me and never be alone again," Lou sums it all up as she sees it. "You are the most selfish bastard I have ever seen, Dean."

"Selfish, huh?" Dean lands yet another punch into Lou's mouth. "Watch what you say to me," he warns before leaning forward, blade to her throat, and forcing Lou to look at him. "Because I'm not selfish. I did what I did for Sam, to save him. That's not selfish… it's selfless."

"Tomato, tomah-to," Lou returns with much effort. "Either way, you _will_ abandon her. Hell, you already did. You ditched her, left her alone and crushed. I was the one who had to deal with that. I had to watch her grow weaker and more broken by the day because of you. I had to see the glimmer of hope in her eyes when her phone would ring and then see the pain when she realized it wasn't you calling. She lost weight, lost her spark, lost everything. I was all she had and I never left. And I sure as shit don't plan to now either." Lou musters all the strength she has left and grabs the top of the machete handle not covered by Dean's grip. She swipes it from him all too easily with her heightened strength before slicing it through the air towards Dean. He jumps back just enough to avoid the vampire blood covered blade, stumbling to the floor as he does.

"Dean! Louie, stop!" Lizzy moves to step forward into the mess she's seeing but Bobby grabs ahold of her shoulders and stops her. She looks back and he shakes his head no. "Bobby, I have to go help."

"And do what? Get yourself turned?" Bobby questions.

Lou stands quickly and looks over at Lizzy after hearing her call out her name. She then begins striding towards the arsenal on the wall.

"Lou!" Sam shouts as he runs after her and grabs her tightly around her body and pinning her arms to her sides. Sam forgot, however, that not too long before his blood had been drained and he hasn't recuperated enough to handle the very strong vampire.

"Damn it Sam," she complains as she turns quickly, shoves him hard in the chest, and lands a solid blow to his jaw. "I wasn't trying to hurt you. Now back the fuck off!" Lou sprints to the south wall and takes up one of the impressive looking rifles. She turns quickly and takes aim at the two men.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Dean complains as he stands up from the ground. His attempt failed. He had his chance to do something, to kill Lou, to save the people around him, and he choked. Lou opened her damn mouth and he, like some kind of rookie, listened to what she had to say instead of do his job.

"Not kidding around at all," Lou says while wiping the trickle of blood off of her cheek with the back of her hand before returning both hands to the large gun. "Now let's try this again. Get the fuck back in the cell! Right now!"

* * *

"This is insane. Are you completely nuts?" Lizzy yells to Lou as the padlocks are replaced on the barred door once everyone is back inside. She grips tightly to the bars and stares out at her best friend.

"Hey, it isn't my fault that you four dummies fell for my carefully concocted and well carried out plan," Lou spits back with an air of conceit. "Like I said before, I still expected more. Don't get me wrong though. I'm wicked grateful that you made my job that much easier. Nice attempt by the way." She says the last part to Dean with a wink.

"Go fuck yourself, Lou," is his simple and angry reply.

"You have to let us go," Sam calmly explains, hoping to appeal to her good side buried somewhere deep within. "This isn't gonna work. You won't be able to go through with it."

"No? You don't think so?" Lou responds.

"No," Sam sincerely tells her. "Because I know you. The real you."

"Too bad you don't know the new me, Sam… not yet, at least."

"Just let them go," Lizzy pleads, trying just one last time to help save those around her. "Just take me. I'm the one you want anyways. You said so earlier."

"That wasn't entirely true," Lou explains while walking up to the bars, once again placing her hands over Lizzy's. "You are the most important one, yes. But I plan on making good use of everyone, honey. I'm making my nest from scratch. A nest of former hunters, smart, strong, quick humans turned vampires. We'd be able to hunt still, and be better than ever at it. Can you imagine how much we could accomplish then? How much better we'd make this world?"

Lizzy's heartstrings are given a good hard tug at Lou's words. Her friend really was still in there somewhere. She still cares and still wants to help keep people safe. She's a complete contradiction. Lizzy lets go of the cold steel and instead takes up Lou's hands in hers.

"Lou, hon… hate to say it but you've lost it," Bobby informs her quietly, the pending doom feeling more and more real.

"Oh no," Lou disagrees without looking away from Lizzy. "I've found it. I've found the answers to everything if you ask me." She smiles warmly at her friend through the bars. Lizzy just looks back, expression softening.

"Yeah, well, no one asked you," Dean quips with anger. Lou looks in his direction with fire burning in her eyes.

"What the fuck did I say about that mouth of yours?" Lou asks. "You're the only useless one in there. Especially after that stunt you pulled, I really look forward to killing you, you know that? You're just a smartass obstacle that I can't wait to get rid of."

"Couldn't agree with you more, short-stuff," a female voice announces from behind Lou as the four prisoners watch with pure shock when, without warning, a blade swipes cleanly through Lou's neck.

"NO!" Lizzy shouts out as she watches Lou's head slide off of her body, hands still attached to Lizzy's, and lands with a sick thud on the barn floor.


	14. The Painful Goodbye

"NO!" Lizzy shouts out as she watches Lou's head slide off of her body, hands still attached to Lizzy's, and lands with a sick thud on the barn floor.

"Ruby!?" Sam loudly yells when he sees the demon standing behind the now headless Lou, machete still poised in her hands.

"Oh my God! No!" Lizzy cries while pulling her hands away from Lou's lifeless ones, letting the vampire's body crumple to the floor. "Louie! No! Please, no, no!" Lizzy immediately drops into a sobbing heap on the hard dirt floor. She shrinks into a ball and clutches her face in her hands, retching with the horrific display she's just been forced to witness. Deep down Lizzy knew it had to happen, Lou without a doubt had to die, but she'd never let herself truly come to terms with it. The loss, which she now experiences for the second time, crushes her completely. She continues to mutter the words of denial over and over as she rocks back and forth.

Dean lowers himself onto the floor next her, needing to do whatever he possibly can to help. He sits on his knees at her side and holds her tightly as she mourns for the second time. Once his arms surround her, she clutches at his forearms with desperate tenacity. He knows the bruises are already forming, but he doesn't care.

"Louie," Lizzy sobs out, trying not to look at what's left of her friend on the floor of the barn.

"Ruby! What…" Sam nearly shouts with shocked surprise and doesn't finish the question as he's speechless with her presence.

"…Am I doing here?" she coldly finishes for him while wiping the blood off of the large knife in her hands onto her pants.

"Uh, yeah," Sam gets pissed.

"Well, Sam… I'm saving your helpless ass once again," she says with obvious annoyance. "Seems to be a regular thing for me these days."

The room goes quiet, save for Lizzy's sob-choked cries, as Ruby numbly searches Lou's corpse. Lizzy watches in horror as the thing that killed her best friend pulls jangling keys from the dead vampire's coat pocket and gets to work opening the padlocks on the cell.

"Who…" Lizzy stutters out through sobs as she looks up to the blond woman pulling the barred door open. "Who the fuck are you?"

"Watch your mouth," Ruby tells her as her eyes flash black and she opens the door. "Because right now I'm your bestest friend in the whole wide world, sweetheart."

Lizzy flinches as she sees the black orbs stare back at her before returning to normal. She pushes backwards, scrambling desperately to get away from the demon out of instinct but with Dean holding her in place, she moves nowhere.

"What the hell!?" Lizzy shouts at the demon in front of her with new fear.

"Ruby!" Dean warns through a stern tone of voice. Not only is she revealing herself to be a demon to Lizzy, she's also making a joke about best friends when she just in fact killed Lizzy's best friend. "Take it down a little!"

"Excuse me? You should be kissing my ass right now," Ruby says while turning her back. "Not telling me what to do."

"Maybe a little fucking decorum is in order is all," Dean tells her, holding Lizzy tighter where she is.

"I'm not here to be polite, Dean," she rolls her eyes and strides quickly across the dirt floor toward the south entrance. "Later." Ruby waves her hand once over her shoulder.

"You fucking know her!?" Lizzy panics out. "You know a demon!?" She searches the faces in the room for an answer but doesn't get one. No one wants to explain.

"Wait, that's it? You're leaving?" Sam calls after Ruby as she silently walks away.

"My job here is done," Ruby plainly explains with a shrug and keeps moving.

"How did you know we were even here!?" Sam shouts to her, running after her.

She never answers and just walks out the doorway. Sam follows, sprinting to catch up, but when he gets outside the barn door she's already gone. Vanished. And her air of mystery gets that much more complex.

* * *

 

The flames light up the cold night sky and dance across the scattered headstones surrounding her. Lizzy sits Indian-style at the edge of the freshly dug grave, Lou's favorite sawed off sitting in her lap, and watches the fire, dazed and detached. She feels the heat on her face and it warms the tears as the silently roll down her cold, rosy cheeks. Exhaustion can't even begin to describe her state. It's been days since she's properly slept and she knows it will be many more before she ever does again.

They left the abandoned barn after disposing of the vampire bodies Bobby had taken out on his own. Digging a grave big enough for all of them was a difficult task, one that Lizzy was barely able to help with. She did what she could, dug for as long as she could manage, but her mental state made her nearly worthless. After salting, burning, and burying the vamps, Sam and Dean very carefully wrapped up Lou's body and stowed her in the Impala's trunk. They wanted to do everything they could to spare Lizzy as much trauma as possible and it seemed sacrilegious to put her body in her own beloved Mustang. Once on the road Lizzy was very quiet, another bad sign. Dean, who drove the Mustang for her, did everything he could to get her talking like he had before, but this time it didn't work. The only thing she was willing to discuss was who Ruby was, and that conversation didn't go too well. Dean held back a lot of information, giving her just an overview. Lizzy called them insane several times over for dealing with a demon, something Dean deep down agrees with.

Two days and 1700 miles later, the four found themselves in eastern Massachusetts, in the town the two girls lived in for years together, driving slowly through a cemetery Lizzy brought them to. Dean stopped the Mustang in front of the two headstones they'd been searching for and Sam pulled the Impala up behind her, Bobby's Camaro behind that. They all set to work, digging a second grave in just as many days. Sam and Dean took it upon themselves to lower Lou's body in and set to work giving her a proper hunter's burial.

Dean, Sam, and Bobby hang back by the Impala to give Lizzy the time she needs to say goodbye. The three are heartbroken, shaken by what Lizzy must now deal with.

Sam is crushed by all this. Absolutely crushed. And the tears just don't seem to stop, constantly leaving two trails running down his face as the fire puts to rest the one person he's been able to truly connect with in so damn long. He knew he'd miss her horribly with all this and he knew it would hurt but the pain is much greater than he'd ever anticipated. The lost and solitary feeling deep in his gut makes him think that maybe he took this woman completely for granted. Sam looks over at his brother, wondering how he's going to handle doing this same exact thing for him in just a few months. He knows for sure now that he has to find a way to save him. Watching Lizzy lose Lou confirms it. Sam knows he won't make it through that, not in one piece.

And when Dean turns his attention to Sam, they lock gazes. Dean sees the pain in Sam's eyes and reaches to him, dropping a hand on his shoulder. He's taking Lou death exceptionally hard. They don't say a word as there's nothing to say really. They know what's coming and this reminder doesn't help that fact.

Bobby looks back and forth between Lizzy's mourning and Sam and Dean current predicament and lets out his sadness for just a moment. He's already lost one kid and he's about to lose another. Both are exceptional people, caring, brave, and admirable. Their destinies are all wrong. They don't deserve anything that is coming to them. He quickly wipes his eyes, hoping none of his adoptees had seen him cry. He's the hard ass, the one holding it together. He has to keep up appearances for them.

"Louie," Lizzy begins quietly from her seated place, needing to let some things out before she truly says goodbye. "I'm so, so sorry. This is my fault." She stops to wipe her eyes. "And I know what you'd say. You'd tell me to cut the shit and that it isn't my fault. Then you'd tell me to move the fuck on and stop being such a pussy." Lizzy huffs a little laugh. "I even sound like you when I say it. That's probably a good thing though because I know you'll always be a huge part of me, or the best part of me, really. Without you I would have gotten myself killed so many times over that I could never count them."

Lizzy pauses as a cold wind whips around her and fans the flames so they are nearly reaching the headstone next to Lou's plot. She rereads the familiar names across them and grows sadder.

"I know you so damn well that I figured this is what you'd want, to be buried with your parents. I know that's probably what Jane and Brian would have wanted, too. And considering they were a lot like my second set of parents I'd want to make them happy if I could," Lizzy sobs out as the thought of Lou's parents comes to her. She tightens her grip on Lou's favorite weapon. "They were such amazing people and they'd be so fucking proud of you, Louie. You did so much good with your life."

Lizzy shifts to change positions and sits back on her heels, her knees just a few inches from the dirt edge.

"God, what do I do now, Lou? What happens now?" Lizzy cries out, the thought terrifying her to the core. "I don't know how to be without you. You've just always been there my whole life, holding me up and being my partner in crime. Even when we were kids." She takes a deep breath and sobs some more. "Where do I go? Do I keep hunting? And how am I going to get through losing Dean without you to help me? I can't…." She looks up into the clear night sky, the stars brightly dotting the dark space. "I can't handle all of this. I'm lost without you. I miss you so damn much, it hurts so fucking bad."

She leans down and covers her face in her hands. Her stitched chin and still blackened eye throb with her cries but she doesn't care. In the moment she feels she deserves the pain.

"I still love you, even after everything you did. It wasn't you. I know it wasn't," Lizzy cries out as she lays onto her side at the edge of the pit. It took too much energy to sit up. "I love you so, so much." The weight, the stress, the pain, the terror, the loneliness overcomes her. The sobs stop but the tears still silently spill. She feels her head being lifted and when she looks up she's not surprised to see Dean there. He sits next to her and places her head gently in his lap. They stay there, quiet, as he runs his hands through her hair and watch the flames.

"It hurts so much," Lizzy says to him in a tight, pained voice while keeping her focus trained on the fire.

"I know," Dean tells her honestly, having lost enough in his life to understand.

"I'd rather get my ass kicked into the ground a thousand times than feel this."

Dean doesn't respond. Always being the stoic person, he never truly knows what to say, even if he understands her more than most could ever.

"What the hell do I do with her car?" Lizzy wonders aloud, remembering that she now has a pristine, classic car to care for out of love for her sister. "I don't know how to take care of it. I am so fucking clueless about that shit."

"I can help with that."

"Yeah… but for how long?"

Again, Dean doesn't answer because there is no good answer to give. It's easier to just stay quiet.

"She's so good, such a good person. God, what the fuck is happening?" Lizzy reaches up and grasps one of his hands. "She didn't deserve this."

"No she didn't," Dean answers back with certainty.

"I… I wish it was me," she says as fresh tears start falling. "I want to take her place so badly."

"L," Dean starts, tears of his own finally falling as he more that comprehends what she says to him. "I'm so sorry you have to do this."

Lizzy shifts, lifting her head off of his lap and instead crawls into it. She sits with her legs across his and leans her forehead into the crook of his neck, looking for whatever comfort she can sap from him in the moment.

"And I'm sorry I'm leaving you too soon," Dean continues. The thought of making her life even more difficult weighs heavily on him. "I want to be here for you…."

"One thing at a time, Winchester," she whispers. "Can only handle one massive loss at a time. Please."

"Sorry," Dean says as he squeezes his arms around her tighter. He's got to get out of his deal. He can't leave her, not like this, not ever.

Lizzy runs her fingers along the splintered wooden handle of the shotgun, still in her lap, as she prepares to part with it.

"Lou's favorite," Lizzy sighs. "Can't let her go into the unknown without it, right?" She leans forward, extending her hand to the flames, and tosses the weapon in, letting the fire consume it along with her friend. She leans heavily back into Dean, for the first time feeling so small against his much larger frame, and lets his grip tighten around her once more.

The tears finally stop flowing. She thinks it's because she's run completely dry finally and she welcomes the reprieve. Lizzy closes her eyes and lets the heat of the fire consume her tired body. This is how it ends for Lou, the woman who's saved so many people. There're only four people there to mourn her properly. Lou's own brother refused to come say goodbye, claiming that she deserved whatever came to her. Lou had never told Lizzy that Derek thought that way, disapproving so strongly to their life and their choice to hunt. She was shocked to have such a cold tone come from him when she called him on their way back to Massachusetts. Lizzy was aware that their relationship was strained, but she didn't know it was broken beyond repair. She chose Lizzy over her own brother and this is how that decision ended.

Now Lou's gone and the world will never know what she did. It'll never know her name or pay respect to the woman who made a huge difference and saved countless lives. They'll never know how smart and cunning she was, or how brave and driven she could be.

"She deserves so much more," is the last comment Lizzy makes before remaining silent next to her best friend's burning grave, blanketed by the man she loves, until the flames die out in the early morning.

* * *

 

"Home sweet home, or something like that," Lizzy says while unlocking the front door of the old house she'd led them to after leaving the cemetery in the same town. It looks as though it was built at least a hundred years ago but most likely it was longer than that. The furniture is frilly and covered in flowers… and plastic. There are lace curtains covering all windows and doilies under every framed picture, lamp, and knick-knack. A thin layer of dust covers most of the house, making it appear as though it hadn't been lived in for a long time.

"Ah, whose place is this?" Sam cautiously asks as he begins to think they've just broken into an elderly person's home.

"It's mine, technically," Lizzy explains while flicking a wall switch and turning on the lights. "My grandmother left it to me in her will."

"Wait, you're grandmother died?" Dean asks with surprise. "Shirley?" He remembers her telling him a little about Shirley in the past. It was her last blood relative that was close to her.

"Yeah, about seven months ago," Lizzy tells him. "I tried to call you when it'd happened… but you never picked up." She looks away from him after bringing up one of the less positive moments of their past year.

"Oh," Dean answers, leaving the conversation where it is. That gnawing guilt comes back in full force. God damn, he really fucked up.

"It's okay," she smiles small and sad to him, seeing his guilt in his body language and trying to make it at least a little better. "It's a great place, though a little dated. Um, there's a second, nicer living room through the glass-paned doors down the hall along with a bathroom and dining room. Kitchen's just through that doorway," she points off to the right. "There's a master bedroom and another smaller bedroom along with a second bathroom upstairs. This couch in here pulls out and is surprisingly comfy so everyone should be covered."

"Not bad," Sam comments while looking around.

"Not it isn't," Lizzy agrees. "It's comforting being here. Reminds me of grandma and being here with her."

"She was a hell of a broad, that Shirl," Bobby says while dropping an arm around Lizzy's shoulder. "It was a sad day when you called and told me that she'd passed. I really liked her."

"You met Shirley?" Dean questions.

"Oh yeah," Bobby says. "She didn't like that Lizzy and Lou were out in the world just the two of 'em, especially since Lizzy let her in on the truth about what's really out there. Shirley was the only one who ever really believed what Lizzy told her."

"My grandma always believed me, my whole life. Never second guessed a thing I've ever told her. Probably because I never lied to her. She had no reason not to trust me completely."

"Damn straight. But that doesn't mean she was okay with you fighting all that evil shit," Bobby tells her before returning his attention to the boys. "She worried all the time about them, Lou having become like a second grandkid to her a long time ago. After explaining that they'd been training with me for some time, Shirley took the next flight out to Sioux Falls and was on my doorstep first thing in the morning. She wanted to check me out herself, make sure her girls were in good hands."

"Which we were," Lizzy added. "Right sensei?"

"Yeah," Bobby returns, wincing with the lame nickname Lizzy gave him a long while back.

"And the second she met him, she trusted him. She always was a really great judge of character."

"Yeah, well, after meeting Shirley it was clear as day where you get your stubbornness," Bobby comments.

"Got my caring nature from her too, so it's an even trade."

"Can't argue with you there," Bobby comments while squeezing his arm around Lizzy tighter before letting her go.

"Huh," Dean says while picking up a silver framed picture of a little girl sitting on Santa's lap. He immediately recognizes the young child as Lizzy. "You haven't changed much, have you?" he says while peering down at the wide toothy grin she's displaying, that same grin he's loved for a long time now. Of course in the picture it's a little less toothy considering her front teeth are missing.

"Not really. I've always been a what-you-see-is-what-you-get kinda gal, even at a young age," Lizzy explains. "Something my grandma told me she admired about me, actually. I was always me, no matter where I was or who I was with. She said it was brave to be that way… now I'm not sure if it was a compliment or a diss." Lizzy huffs a little laugh. The memories, which she was worried would sadden her and make everything worse, are doing the opposite. She finds comfort in the good times of her past. "Damn, I've been lucky when it comes to the people that have been in my life. No wonder I ended up so freakin' awesome, huh?"

Dean smiles with her comment. He must be rubbing off on her.

The room grows quiet as the three men look around the cluttered family room, getting many glimpses into Lizzy's past life with all of the pictures that are littered around the room. Dean got stuck on one picture of Lizzy's family, a happy group of three, mom, dad, and daughter at a zoo when Lizzy couldn't have been more than ten. As much as he's sad she's lost it, he's overly glad she had the chance to grow up normal, to have a long length of time that was so happy and innocent. And monster free.

"Oh, wow," Sam says while pointing happily to a yet another picture on the wall. "How old were you two in this one?"

"We were going into fourth grade. That was the first day of school," she explains while standing next to him and looking. "Louie and I were so excited because we were going to be in the same class that year. We never had been before. Teachers always kept us separated."

"I wonder why," Sam sarcastically jests.

"Right? They were a smart group of teachers. Oh man, neither of us could sleep the night before, we were so fucking excited. Our bedroom windows used to face each other so we opened them that night and talked across our lawns until way too late about the coming year and what we were going to wear on our first day. As you can tell we decided to coordinate outfits."

"Yeah, I can see that," Sam smiles when he recognizes the matching oversized pink sweaters, acid washed tapered jeans, neon multi-colored high tops, and green scrunchies holding their hair back in the same side ponytail.

"We were waiting for the bus to arrive that morning on the curb outside my house when my mom snapped this picture. There was constantly a camera attached to her hand, I swear," Lizzy grins with the memory. "She took a serious version too, regular smiles and all proper, but grandma always liked the silly face version that we insisted on taking afterwards better."

"Well, it's definitely more your style," Dean adds as he joins them and peers over Sam's shoulder for a look.

"Definitely," Sam agrees. He keeps grinning lightly as he looks at it, missing the two girls so much as he does. Lizzy and Lou had never lost that fun, happy side of them and this picture perfectly depicts their true nature… or at least what used to be their true nature. He really hopes that hasn't changed for Lizzy.

"You know what?" Lizzy says while taking the picture off of the wall. "Keep it." She hands it to Sam.

He looks at her like she's crazy. "What? No! This is yours. I can't do that," Sam refuses.

"Please, I want you to have it."

"Lizzy, c'mon…."

"Sam, Stop. I just want you to remember why it is that we do what we do, why we sacrifice so much. This is exactly it." Lizzy hold the picture out in front of her to Sam. "You were already kicking evil ass while we were posing for stupid first day of school pictures. You may never have had this opportunity but you've given it to so many others. Plus," she pulls the picture down to look at it again. "I want you to remember Lou the way she's supposed to be remembered. Like this. She was goofy, and sweet, and a hard ass at times, but most of all, she was fucking awesome. She loved you and valued you so much, Sam. You meant the world to her. Please, take this. We both want you to have it." She holds the framed picture out to Sam and waits while he hesitates. Reluctantly, Sam takes it from her.

"Thank you," he says timidly. "And I will always remember her the right way, I can promise you that."

"Good. I know that's all she would want." Lizzy takes a moment to breathe in deeply. She puts her hands on her hips, suddenly feeling awkward in the situation. It's the first time she's talked about Lou in the past tense and it's unsettling. She turns to what's currently left of her family and changes the subject. "Well, make yourselves comfortable. There's no cable or internet since I had those shut off a while back when I was never here. Didn't make sense to pay for it. Electricity is still on, and the heat, so I'm gonna go get that cranking." She forces a smile to the group before heading to the hall to turn the heat on.

The four of them eventually settle in, Bobby taking the main bedroom as Lizzy insisted and Lizzy and Dean taking the guest room. Lizzy had her reservations about that but really she just couldn't face being alone after burying her best friend. Sam settled into the living room as he was more than fine with a pull out couch. It's still better than some of the motel beds he's had to sleep on. Of course, he had to remove the plastic cover before opening it. After a yet another take-out dinner, everyone kept to themselves for the most part and went to sleep early. Days of sleep deprivation made it easy for a quiet rest to settle in across the house.


	15. One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Mourn

In the middle of the night Sam is startled awake by the sound of something shutting the glass partition door to the 'nice' living room down the hall. Shit, just what they needed. Someone, or something for that matter, messing with them at a time like this. He's unsettled by the sound and gets up, ready to handle whatever is waiting for him without disturbing the rest of the house if possible. They're all exhausted and need their sleep. Sam walks calmly to his duffle bag, takes out his shotgun with salt rounds already loaded and a silver knife (you never know), and pads slowly and quietly down the hall in his sock-clad feet. Coming upon the French doors, the hallway is illuminated with a soft, wavering orange light pouring out the door's glass pains. Sam carefully peeks around the corner and sees a fire burning in the fire place across the room. He then notices the black-haired ponytail peeking up from over the top of the couch sitting in front of the fire. He lowers the gun to his side and reaches out for the doorknob.

Being careful to trek silently, he peers over the back of the couch and finds Lizzy sitting on the floor Indian-style in front of the fire, framed pictures of her friends and family surrounding her and a tequila bottle in her left hand. Great, she's been drinking. She can be seriously difficult to deal with while drinking, he thinks miserably.

Sam returns to the family room to put away his weapons and grab the two blankets he'd been previously asleep under. He then makes his way back to Lizzy. He comes into the room and clears his throat softly to get her attention, hopefully without scaring her or launching her into attack mode. Lucky for him, she turns very slowly to face him and sloppily smiles up to him.

"Heeeey Sammyyyy!" she drunkenly greets him before taking a big swig from the bottle in hand and turning back to face the fire and familiar framed faces.

"Hey Lizzy," Sam responds gently while walking around the couch. She's slurring so he wonders how long she's been drinking for. "Looks like you've been busy. Can't sleep I take it?"

"Nope," she returns without looking over to him. "Sleep makes ya' dream… and dreams ssuck."

"I can understand that," Sam concurs while taking a seat next to her. He sits with his legs stretched out straight and crossed in front of him, his feet being warmed by the fire, and his back leaning against the foot of the couch. His past experiences with nightmares, and Dean's also, makes him understand why someone wouldn't want to sleep right now. Makes it far too easy for a terrible thought to sneak right in and take hold. "Here," he says as he hands over one of the blankets.

"Thanks," Lizzy says and tries to adjust the blanket over her body enough to make it effective. Even she recognizes how drunk she is right now. "Want some?" Lizzy asks while holding out the bottle to Sam. "Company's alwayss welcome."

"Yeah, uh… I don't know if you remember or not but tequila and I don't really get along too well," Sam smiles small to her and Lizzy laughs hardily as she recalls what a mess the man becomes with the liquor.

"That's v'ry true. Tequila hates you, but now's as good a time as any to get back inta the stuff." She keeps the bottle held out to him and gives him an expectant look.

Sam sighs loudly but takes the bottle and tips it up. Lou's gone and the past few days have been shit at best. A little liquid painkiller couldn't be such a bad thing, right?

"That'a boy," Lizzy says while tilting the bottom of the bottle up even more, forcing a much bigger gulp or three down Sam's throat than he'd originally intended. Sam pulls the bottle away from his mouth and coughs a bit before returning the bottle to Lizzy.

"Thanks for the help," Sam jests, voice still choked.

"Ya' gotta catch up," Lizzy slurs before taking yet another big sip from the bottle. "Ha, found this und'r the kitchen sink… Louie and I hid it there years ago. In high school."

"And it was still there?" Sam questions with surprise.

"Yep. We were smart kids, too smart for our own good prob-bly. Good hiding places."

"And you went with the good stuff back then, huh?" Sam laughs while lifting up the plastic bottle and reading the generic label. Guapo Sombrero. It's super cheap. It's something Dean would pick up.

"We were real young. Quantity ov'r quality, man."

He nods, smirking a little. He knew they were trouble makers… everyone that met them just assumed. But now he's getting a clearer picture. "Well, here's to Lou," Sam says while holding up the bottle before taking another most likely too big sip. He cringes with the taste.

"They're all gone, Sam," Lizzy says solemnly, voice quiet. "Every single one of 'em."

Sam just nods his understanding, unsure of what to say.

"My parents," Lizzy says, pointing to a picture of a young smiling couple. "My grandma," she points to a picture of Shirley with a young Lizzy sitting and smiling on her lap. "My Louie," she points to the frame containing a picture of Lizzy and Lou arm in arm at their prom. "Every one of 'em," she whispers.

Sam brings his arm around her shoulder and she rests her head onto him. She pulls the blanket over them both and they sit silently for moment.

"I know how it feels, you know," Sam informs her. "Besides the people in this house, I really don't have much left either."

"Still have Dean," Lizzy says.

"Yeah… for now," Sam returns, knowing she must have let his deal slip her drunken memory. "A few months and there really won't be too much of a difference in our lives."

"Shit, Sam," Lizzy replies. "So not fair. Why do we have to be the people that lose everything?"

Sam sighs, having asked himself this question several times throughout his life. It's so unjust, he does know that. "We know, that's why," he begins. "We know what's out there. And being the kind of people that we are, we can't let that knowledge go. We have to help."

"So we get punished for being caring?" she asks with anger. "Fuckin' awesome."

"Tell me about it," Sam agrees with another large drink from the tequila bottle, the nasty tasting liquid getting increasingly easier to manage. "But it's worth it. You know it is."

"Yeah," Lizzy says while stealing back the tequila. "Doesn't mean I gotta like it."

"Neither do I," Sam explains. "I've lost my own parents, Pastor Jim who used to take care of us as kids, Jessica, soon Dean…"

"We gotta stop that," Lizzy looks up at Sam with pleading eyes. "Seriously. We gotta save his ass." She takes another sip before continuing. "I really can't handle losing him again, Sam. Just fuckin' got him back… I think…. I just… I know I need him, man. Don't wanna need him… but I do."

"And I've tried, Bobby's tried," Sam says while taking one more huge gulp of the liquid that always does a number on him. "I don't know what's left to try, but if there's something, anything, we'll give it a shot."

"I want to help," Lizzy tells him. "Maybe that demon bitch you know'll help."

She looks at him with true hope and he nods. "I'll ask her again. I've already asked."

"What the fuck is up wit that anyways?" Lizzy asks him. "A fucking friendly demon?"

"Looooong story."

"Yeah, well you're gonna have to tell it sometime. And soon." Lizzy pushes him sloppily in the center of his chest, trying to seem intimidating but failing miserably in her current drunken state. It was more cute than scary.

"Just… not right now," Sam denies, not ready for anything even heavier to deal with right now. "But, hey, no matter what happens, you still have Bobby and you still have me. Don't forget that." He looks down at the face resting on his shoulder and tightens his arm around her frame. He's not very hopeful about saving his brother anymore and if he does die, if he does go to hell, he wants to make sure Lizzy knows she isn't alone.

Lizzy looks up with lazy, heavy lidded eyes and smiles. "Thanks, Big Sam," she grins out.

"That nickname ever gonna go away?" Sam questions with levity. He really wishes she hadn't walked in on Lou and him in such an intimate moment last year, causing her to give him the embarrassing, yet somewhat flattering, nickname.

"That huge dick of yours ever gonna get smaller?" she so crassly asks with a lifted eyebrow.

"Touché," Sam smiles out awkwardly, glad to see her at least a little happy, even if it's through the haze of booze and at his expense.

"Man, Louie talked about you all the damn time, you know," Lizzy confesses. "She had a big ol' crush on your ass." Another large gulp of tequila goes down easy and she passes the bottle to Sam with a huff of a laugh.

"Yeah?" Sam says with some surprise. "I just figured we were good friends… that's all." Sam takes one last sip and quietly puts the bottle down around the corner of the couch. Lizzy's completely drunk and any more booze in her system would spell unnecessary trouble.

"Nah dude," Lizzy says picking her head up and lightly swatting his arm. "I mean yeah, you were friends, but she was real obsessed with getting with you again, if you know what I mean," she elbows him. "And she was never like that with other dudes. I mean, she never said it aloud… but I know how she felt. Could tell."

"Huh," Sam lets out while thinking. He never noticed what Lizzy tells him, that maybe Lou felt more than she appeared to, but he smiles with the idea. Lou was crass, bold, and honestly, everything Sam wasn't personality wise. He'd never found girls like Lou appealing before meeting her and he never assumed Lou felt that way about him but somehow it's a nice though. Comforting during a time when comfort is a rare commodity.

"Don't blame her either," Lizzy explains. "You're a good kid, Sam-I-Am."

"Kid?" Sam questions with a laugh, the haze of liquor starting to cloud over him. "I'm older than you."

"What's a few months, huh?" Lizzy says.

Sam just shakes his head.

"You're a good _person_ , Sam" Lizzy corrects while placing her hand on his cheek. "You're honest, nice, super smart, you're a fucking catch and a half, dude. Any chick'd be lucky to have you." Lizzy grins again and places an innocent kiss on his lips. She probably lingered a little too long on a kiss that was meant to be so chaste before returning her head to his shoulder but she's drunk.

Sam says nothing, not having expected a display of emotion like that from Lizzy, _Dean's_ Lizzy. Oh boy, she's hammered. Sam reaches around the corner of the couch and, while facing away from her to hide the bottle, he takes one last huge gulp. Chances are it was nothing, just a friendly and sibling-like gesture. But still, forgetting that little moment might be a good thing in the long run so he has to try and erase it.

"Hey," Sam begins once he puts the bottle back. "Why don't I help you back upstairs, huh? Get to bed, sleep it off?" She doesn't respond to his suggestion, just keeps her head on his shoulder while facing the flames. "Lizzy. Dean's gonna wake up and freak if you aren't in there." He pauses but once again no answer. "Lizzy?" he asks one more time while craning his neck down and seeing her fast asleep.

Sam remains in place, mulling over their conversation and letting the alcohol sooth his now foggy brain. He was comfortable where he was, ass asleep on the old carpet and all. He'd rather stay this way for the night than wake up Lizzy. She needs the rest so badly and he fears if he wakes her and tries to get her up the stairs, she won't go back to sleep. Instead, he sits tight, listening to the fire crackle and the steady breathing of the broken woman by his side. She's something else, still strong in some ways when others would be sent packing to the mental ward. He admires her a little more now. Dean's a lucky man, Sam thinks to himself before dozing off.

* * *

Dean gets out of the Impala, slamming the door behind him as he does ( _Whoa, serious déjà vu_ ). It's been a long day and he stayed at the garage much later than he would have liked, especially today. He makes his way up the paved walkway to the front door of their apartment, shivering against the cold winter air. Finding the correct key, he moves to slide it into the lock of the old Victorian building when he hears it. 'Black Magic Woman', his favorite Santana song, is blasting loudly from the second story ( _I've been here before, heard this song playing just like this before_ ). He smiles to himself, knowing something excellent is waiting for him, while he continues to unlock the door and step inside.

He stops in the foyer, unlacing and kicking off his boots then hanging up his heavy winter coat, all while humming along to the music. New England… why did they settle here again? It's absolutely freezing in the winter. California would have been more of his style. Dean begins his trek up the staircase, grinning with glee when he smells the baked apples and cinnamon ( _I've smelled that before, on these same stairs. Shit, what is happening?_ ), and stops in the hallway once he reaches the top. The hall is big with four doorways in it, the bathroom and kitchen on one end and the living room and bedroom on the end farthest from him. Sitting on the wooden bar at the top of the stairs, the bar that he'd built them after moving in months ago, is a folded note and a cold bottle of his favorite beer. Grinning, he picks them both up and flips open the card. He reads as he takes a sip.

_Happy birthday baby! It's been seven months since I got you back and I couldn't be happier. Thank you for being the stubborn, difficult and wonderful ass that you are! I love you!_

_P.S. Turn around, Hot Shot._

After reading the last sentence, he turns to see her standing in the doorway of their bedroom on the other end of the hallway wearing lingerie he hasn't seen on her before ( _Or has he?_ ). It's black and red, lacey, see through, and absolutely awesome. And she has on her shiny black heels that he loves on her so damn much.

"I friggin' love my birthday," Dean mutters as he takes in her form ( _Ok, I've totally said that before_ ). She begins moving to the music, dancing sexily down the wooden floor and coming closer and closer to him. Dean leans back onto the bar, elbows propping him up from behind, drinking his beer and watching. He thinks he's the luckiest son of a bitch on Earth. It's then that something in his mind nags at him. Lucky? When was he ever lucky? Something doesn't make sense here. Is he even supposed to be here?

She reaches his place, walking her fingers up over his chest and around his neck before pulling him into a heated kiss. He responds of course, but the thought of something being completely off still strongly bothers him.

"Happy birthday," she smiles to him after backing off just slightly, that toothy bright smile of hers gleaming as she looks at him with sheer happiness.

"Thank you," Dean responds as she takes the bottle from his hand and steals a sip before returning it to him.

"Don't thank me just yet," she says before turning her back to him and beginning to dance again. She makes her way back down the hall, hips swaying the entire time, and pauses in their bedroom doorway. "Get in here and get your present first. Then afterwards, you can thank me!" She winks and disappears into the room ( _And she's definitely said that to me before_ ).

Dean moves to step toward the room, barely able to contain his excitement, when he's stopped by a hand on his shoulder. He turns and is greeted by an impossible site. His father is standing next to him and smiling.

"Hello, Dean," John says in a quiet voice, barely audible over the music.

"Dad!?" Dean asks, wide eyed and shocked. It all comes back to him then. "What the hell? Again?"

"It won't be your fault," John tells him.

"Yeah, you said that last time. What's going on here? What is this?"

"There's a lot coming your way, son. More than any person should ever have to deal with," his father begins explaining. "It's going to get bad, very bad, but you cannot blame yourself."

"Not ever." They say the last bit at the same time because Dean knew John would say it.

"What does that mean, Dad!? Why are you here?" Dean is confused. His father, his very dead father, is making no sense.

"Be strong. Get through the darkness the best you can and I promise you have something looking over you, looking out for you."

"What's looking out for me?" Dean asks with worry, his hands on his father's shoulders. "I need answers, Dad!"

"Just know there are good things coming your way, like her," John nods towards the other end of the hall. "But you have to hold tight, get through it all, and come out on the other end."

"This doesn't make sense. Dad, please…"

"What, am I getting started on my own in here?" Dean hears Lizzy shout to him from inside the bedroom. "You coming or what?"

"Just do what you can, don't ever stop fighting, Dean… no matter how bad it gets. Promise me." Despite the serious warning, John keeps the warm smile on his face.

"I can't promise something I don't understand, Dad! Use fucking English here!"

"Then I'll see you next time," John claps him on the shoulder. "Now go get that girl of yours. Wake up!"

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

Dean sits up with a start, the vivid dream still fresh in his head. What the hell was his dad talking about? What's coming at him? Jesus, the whole thing scares the life out of him and he holds his hand over his chest, willing his heart to slow down. The worst part is that he knows he's had that damn dream before, the same one with both Lizzy and his father in it. What does it mean? Why is it happening at all?

"Fuck me," he whispers out as he drops a hand onto the sleeping woman next to him, looking for something comforting after that experience, but his arm falls onto an empty side of the bed, cold sheets greeting his palm instead of warm skin. He looks over quickly and a lonely pillow is what he sees. Great. Where the hell did she go?

Dean gets up and checks his watch on the nightstand. 3:49 in the morning. He throws on sweatpants and a t-shirt before leaving the room in search of Lizzy. Stopping at the upstairs bathroom, he's disappointed to find it empty and dark. Walking further down the hall, he pauses briefly at the closed door to the room Bobby is occupying but hears nothing more the his usual snoring.

After descending the stairs Dean spies the very dim and soft flickering light coming from down the hallway on the first floor. He moves quickly to the closed off living room and opens the doors. The fire that was once roaring is now down to just embers. Walking quietly around the couch that is blocking his view, he finds both Lizzy and his brother fast sleep. Lizzy is curled up under a blanket and lying on her side, her back to the bottom of the couch and facing the fireplace. Her head is resting in Sam's lap and Sam has his arm around her, his head dropped back on the seat of the couch behind him and his mouth wide open and snoring. Dean has to grin as he imagines how easily he could mess with his little brother in the moment but quickly thinks better of the idea.

Deciding it would be best to get everyone back to a more suitable sleeping place, one that won't leave them sore and hurting in the morning, Dean comes around the corner of the couch when his foot kicks something. He looks down and picks up the tequila bottle.

"Seriously?" he mutters to himself, noticing the plastic container. "Fucking great. That'll make things _much_ easier."

Dean replaces the bottle on the ground before crouching over Lizzy. He places a hand on her shoulder and shakes very lightly, trying not to scare her.

"L, hey," Dean whispers to her gently. "Hey, come on. Let's get you back to bed."

Lizzy moves slightly, snaking a hand onto Sam's leg, before settling back into her place and staying fully asleep.

"Damn it," Dean complains as her pulls back the blanket and wedges his arms underneath her. He lifts her slowly off the ground and once he's back to a standing position she's cradled comfortably in his arms. Lizzy nuzzles the top of her head into Dean's neck, just under his chin.

"Thanks, Sam," she sleepily says to the man holding her.

Dean makes a funny face, clearly confused. She heard his voice, right? She cuddled into him because she knows it's him and not Sam, right?

"L, it's not Sam," he whispers down to her. "It's me."

Lizzy breathes in deeply, recognizes his familiar scent, and brings her arm around his neck out of instinct. "Hot Shot," she whispers out before returning to her drunken sleep with a slight smile on her face.

"Much better," Dean grins to himself while bringing her back into their room upstairs and tucking her back in. Once she's in bed comfortable, Dean looks her over sighs. She's hurting so badly and he doesn't know what he can do to help. "Don't leave this time, huh?" he says to her before kissing her cheek and returning downstairs. He walks back into the living room and finds Sam still passed out in the same place. Dean takes a seat on the couch next to Sam's head and drops an open hand down onto his little brother's chest with more force than maybe he should have.

"Uh! What!?" Sam lets out as he picks his head up immediately and looks around with half opened eyes, startled by the small assault.

"Relax. It's just me," Dean grins to him as his little brother turns to look up at the voice.

"Hey… D'n," Sam slurs through the haze of sleep and tequila.

"Wow, she got you good and sauced, huh?" Dean jokes when he recognizes just how drunk Sam is. He laughs at the dumb and innocent look on Sam's face, the same face he always has when he'd had far too much.

"Kinda," Sam says while letting his head drop back into its previous spot, too out of it to try and keep it lifted.

"Hey, come on and get up. Pass out somewhere better." Dean stands and offers his hand to help get the oversized man off the floor. Sam takes it and pulls, nearly toppling them both over once he's on his unsteady feet.

"Easy, big guy," Dean warns as he pushes his brother backwards onto the couch, knowing how much easier it would be to get him to pass out here than it would be to bring him to another room. "Jesus, she got you to drink a ton. Dude, you know tequila fucks you over every time."

"Whatever," Sam laments as he curls up in the fetal position on the frilly, flower patterned couch. Seeing the lumbering man surrounded by little pink and blue flowers is pretty damn funny, Dean thinks. At least he fit on the damn thing.

"Alright, dude," Dean says while patting his brother's leg and dropping the blanket from the floor over him. "You just sleep it off and I'll see you in the morning." Dean starts to make the journey back to his comfortable bed, a hand rubbing over his tired face, when Sam stops him.

"Hey," Sam calls out.

"Yeah?" Dean responds, pausing where he is and looking to his brother.

"We gotta save you," he says.

"I know…."

"For Lizzy."

Dean pauses there, swallowing hard. He knows it's true. "Yeah. I know," he returns. He knows Sam is right. He can't leave her, not like this. Not after everything she's going through. "We'll figure it out."

"Have to. Can't do that to her. She needs you."

"Aw Sammy, and here I was thinking you were trying to snake my girl," Dean smiles, trying to joke the conversation off for now. Not like Sam would remember it anyways, right?

Sam simply answers with a heavy breath, signaling that he's already fast asleep. Dean knows the hangover both Sam and Lizzy will have in the morning is going to be epic, but at least they're sleeping. That's something right?

"Night, Sammy," Dean calls out before leaving the room and heading back to bed, back to Lizzy.


	16. Hungover Research

"Holy hell," Bobby states happily as he looks over the stockpile in front of him. There are several books, weapons, and occult and spiritual items staring back at him from inside the very old wardrobe.

"Yeah, grandma knew I stowed a lot of things here. I asked first of course," Lizzy explains while keeping her arms crossed in front of her. She's wrapped up in the huge brown zip up sweatshirt she found draped over the back of one of the kitchen chairs this morning. She immediately threw it on, reveling in the comfort it brings her through the pounding in her head and sickness in her stomach. "I never did say exactly what I kept here though."

"Yeah, I can see why," Dean comments as he picks through some of the items. They were scary looking to the inexperienced eye. "What's this?" he asks while holding up a mason jar of thick red liquid.

"Lambs blood," she simply states, knowing he'd understand why they had it.

"You two got a little deeper into it than I thought you did," Dean worries.

"No kidding," Bobby complains, clearly upset. "I though you two idjits were small time." Bobby holds up a few powerful medallions that would indicate the opposite.

"We were for the most part. But now and then we came across some nasty stuff. We weren't gonna back down. Not our style. Ugh, fuck tequila," Lizzy complains when a wave of nausea hits her.

"What the fuck is this!?" Bobby practically shouts when he lifts up the necklace that caused everything for Lizzy.

The Hand of the Etruscans. She really should have hid that before bringing them down to her stockpile. She knows she's about the catch some real hell now.

Dean peers at the item, a small silver hand-shaped pendant with some very old symbols etched into it and a green stone set in the middle. Remembering everything that Bobby had explained about Lizzy and Lou and how it was that they got pulled into hunting, Dean whips his head around to Lizzy with wide eyes. The Hand of the Etruscans; the same thing that started everything for the girls. "You kept it!?"

"How do you even know what that is?" Lizzy asks Dean.

"You lied to me, Lizzy!" Bobby angrily berates as he cuts in. "This thing got your parents killed! Why would you keep it around?"

"Because it was still useful," Lizzy explains with an even tone. She pretty sure if she raises her voice she'll vomit with the effort. "That thing hides the wearer from all evil. It makes you invisible. I had to keep someone safe."

"Worked real well the first time, huh?" Bobby challenges. The item isn't safe to have around. A demon tracked it down once, another could do it again.

"No, but that's because it was tracked down by a paper trail. If a demon wanted that thing, it would have come for me since I was the last known to have it. So… I gave it to grandma, made her promise to never take it off." Lizzy looks down at the ground and waits for the hammering. Bobby's going to be so pissed, she knows it.

"Huh," Bobby simply says while running his fingers over the pendant. "That's… smart actually."

"What?" Dean and Lizzy both say at the same time, shocked to hear Bobby say what he did.

"It makes sense to me. No one, or thing, could know Shirley had it and once she was wearing it, it kept her safe, unseen. That was really smart of you to give it to her. And thoughtful."

"No shit. Not what I expected you to say, Bobby." Lizzy smiles a little as the man walks over to her.

"I get the feeling' that you kids sometimes forget I'm not a hard ass every second of my life. Here," Bobby says as he unclasps the chain and drapes the piece around her neck. "It'll be more useful to you _on_ than stowed away. Plus, if anything comes for it, how they gonna find you?"

"Good point," Lizzy returns once the necklace is in place. She begins playing with it, sliding the charm back and forth across the silver chain. "Alright, you two have at it. Bring up whatever you think will help. I'm gonna go puke and then check on Sam." She begins climbing back up the creaky basement stairs and leaves the two men to their own devices.

"Hell of a stockpile she's collected," Bobby comments while looking through the books and pulling out certain ones as he goes.

"Hopefully something in here will be helpful," Dean hopes aloud while picking up the already decent sized stack of books at Bobby's feet. "Who knows, maybe there's an Idiot's Guide to Saving Your Soul in here, huh?" The joke falls on deaf ears.

"So what, you're all gung-ho about saving your own ass now?" Bobby questions disbelieving. "Last I checked you were just pining away for the hellfire."

Dean shrugs his shoulders. "Things have changed," he simply explains, trying to leave things as they were.

"You mean you saw Lizzy again," Bobby takes an educated guess. He doesn't get an answer. "I'll take your silence for a yes."

Dean looks over to Bobby with a guilty look before making his own trek up the stairs, books in hand, and ready to dive into some serious research.

"At least something's finally gotten to him," Bobby mumbles to himself as he continues his search.

* * *

"How you doing in there Sam-I-Am?" Lizzy calls out through the closed bathroom door.

"Fucking splendid, ugh," Sam responds with a groan of disgust and illness while hunched over the toilet.

"Sorry about making you drink," Lizzy says with remorse. "Should've known better, right?"

"Nah, you didn't make me do anything," Sam tells her, voice strained. "Contrary to what you think, I do actually have a mind of my own."

" _Sure_ you do. Can I come in?" Lizzy questions with three Ibuprofen pills and a glass of water in her hold.

"It's not pretty in here," Sam responds, backing away from the toilet after flushing it and sitting on the tile floor with his back against the tub.

"Wasn't pretty when it was me in there earlier either," Lizzy laughs quietly while opening the door slowly. She peeks her head in and sees Sam, elbows resting on his bent up knees and head hung low between them. He actually appears small in the moment, which is odd considering. "Aw. You actually look kinda cute all sick and vulnerable like this. Freaking adorable."

"Shut up," Sam says without lifting his head. With the jesting he's starting to see what's happened. Over time he's gained not a fellow hunting acquaintance or even a friend… but a sister. A sister that jabs and jokes just like the annoying brother he already has. "You sound just like Dean."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"Yeah, don't."

"Well, if you're done insulting the people who care about you, I come bearing gifts," she smiles through her own nausea while closing the toilet seat and sitting across from him. "Here, at least get rid of that headache." She hands over the pills and water.

"Thank you," Sam sincerely says and downs the pills immediately, hoping to find some relief from his current state as soon as possible. He then notices the oversized clothing she's wearing that looks awfully familiar. "Nice sweatshirt."

"Thanks. It's huge on me. I think it must belong to a giant or something," she smiles small and warm, knowing it was Sam's when she popped it on. "Again, I really am sorry to have gotten you drunk last night. I kinda wish you'd never found me."

"It's fine, really. And it was nice to talk to someone… someone who talks back at least." Sam puts the glass down on the floor and hangs his head again, finding that the sickness dissipates somewhat when he does.

"Anytime, Big Sam. And I mean that," she promises to him.

The nickname she uses makes him remember when she's called him that the night before. His quite unclear memory comes back in bits and pieces and he has a vague notion that something happened that shouldn't have.

"You remember anything from last night?" Sam asks.

"Uh, I was beyond wasted by the time you found me. I'm sure your memory is way better than mine. By the way, how the hell did I get back upstairs last night?"

"Dean. He found us both passed out I think." Sam wrinkles his brow as the nagging guilty feeling itches at the very back of his mind.

"Ah, should have known," she nods. "I highly doubted I was able to make it all that way back to bed on my own."

"Nah, that wasn't gonna happen," Sam says lifting his head to look at her. "Um, did something happen last night?"

"Like what? My ranting about my shitty life? Yeah, that happened I'm pretty sure." She gives a tight lipped, sad smile.

"No. I mean yes, that happened, but I mean something else. It's bugging me, like it was something that shouldn't have happened."

"That shouldn't have happened?" she echoes with confusion.

"Yeah… like," Sam points back and forth between the two of them.

"What, like you and me…?" she asks without finishing the question. Her face drops with total disbelief. "Oh, Sam. Come on."

"Yeah, I thought that sounded ridiculous too." It really did in his mind. He'd never over step his boundaries like that.

"Hey," Lizzy calls to him while dropping a hand onto his cheek. "Nothing happened. I'm a one man kinda gal… even if I have no idea if I even have a man at all at this point." She grins very sadly at him with her very confused mind, not at all understanding what it is that she and Dean are at this point.

"Okay," Sam shakily replies as she stands up. The way she placed her hand on his cheek shook loose the memory he was trying to get at and now wishes had never come back to him at all.

"When you're feeling better come find us. We're gonna start looking through my personal library I had stashed here. Time to save that stupid brother of yours."

The second the bathroom door closes behind her the reality hits. He kissed her, he kissed Lizzy. Or really she kissed him. He thinks the latter is the correct version for some reason, but he very clearly remembers her hand lightly pressed to his cheek and their lips meeting quickly. Shit, shit, shit. This is bad. He shakes his head with disgust in himself. Even though he gets an innocent vibe from the whole thing it doesn't stop his worry. This woman means the world to Dean and honestly it's one of the only things motivating him to save himself.

Sam drops his head back and it hits the porcelain behind him hard.

"Ow," he complains, though he feels like he deserves it. He can't tell his brother this, never. It would crush Dean, or more likely Dean will crush him. He takes this one to the grave. Hopefully Lizzy won't remember it either and it'll make the whole thing that much easier to keep quiet.

What the fuck, Winchester? No more tequila….

* * *

Lizzy takes a seat onto the old living room couch and settles in after recuperating in front of the television for a few hours. She's still wearing Sam's huge sweatshirt but went back to her usual very short, black shorts. She puts the mug of coffee on the floor by the wooden leg of the couch and pulls one of the old, large books onto her lap. Lou had swiped this particular demonology text while they were doing some research in Dallas, Texas. The book hadn't seen the light of day, or the light of florescent bulbs illuminating the library basement for that matter, in so long that it had a thick film of dust covering it. Once Lou had taken a peek inside she knew how handy it would be for them so she pulled out the censor and popped it into her backpack. Public libraries, such easy targets it's almost no fun at all.

"Hey," Sam walks into the living room and heads straight for the stack of books.

"Sam-I-Am, back from the dead. Finally feeling well enough to read?" she looks up to him.

"More like I need a distraction from the sickness," he frowns back.

"Good luck with that." Lizzy has never been able to read while hung-over. Usually her only cure is Gatorade and lots of TV. That Sam is a trooper, she thinks. "So, any specific things I need to look for? Keywords and whatnot?"

"Well," Sam begins to scour his brain while plopping down on the floor with his back against an old upholstered chair with a book embossed with a demonic symbol on the hard cover. Seemed like a good start. "Anything you find on Lilith is obviously good."

" _Obviously_ ," Lizzy says with sarcasm while staring him down. She has no clue why that should be obvious for her.

"You know, because she holds the contract." Lizzy doesn't react. "For Dean's deal," Sam keeps going, Lizzy's face still blank. Then it hits him. "Riiiight. Out of the loop."

Lizzy nods her head. "Yup. So, let's pretend for a minute that Dean's an ass and ignored me for a year."

"Hey!" Dean says while walking into the living room at the best possible timing.

"You were," she brushes off before returning to Sam. "I don't know anything about this whole past year with you guys. You need to fill in my blanks here."

"That sounds slightly dirty," Dean comments with a large grin.

"Time and place, remember," Lizzy warns him about his inappropriate timing and turns her attention once more to Sam. "So, Lilith is a demon?"

"Yes," Sam answers.

"And she holds Dean's contract? From the deal he made?"

"Also yes."

"Okay then… let's just summon the bitch," Lizzy suggests with a little excitement. "Force her here and we can shove her ass back down to Hell."

"Not that easy," Dean explains while taking a seat on the other end of the couch Lizzy is on. "She's way above the usual exorcism shit. She's no joke."

"Upper level?" Lizzy asks and watches as Sam and Dean exchange silent looks with each other without responding to her. So damn annoying when they do that. "I fucking hate that shit, you know that?"

"What shit?" Sam questions with confusion.

"The shit where the two of you look at each other all knowingly and do your brotherly ESP crap. Every time you do that I know I'm either being left out of something or you're about to tell me some seriously fucked up stuff."

"Let's go with option two," Dean retorts. "Get comfy."

Sam makes a face to his brother, one that he knows would garner the lovely label of 'bitch face', and turns back to Lizzy. "Ok, well, I'll try to start at the beginning of everything I guess." Sam sighs, realizing how insane the story he's about to tell really is. "So, Azazel was the head honcho of that demon horde that was let loose from hell."

"Azazel?" Lizzy interrupts. "Again, Sam, I don't know anything."

"The yellow eyed demon," Dean clarifies for her.

She understands. "Ah, the fucking asshole who screwed with my boys way back when. Gotcha."

"Well, our buddy ol' Yellow Eyes let out a huge mass of demons from Hell right before I was able to gank him. Now all those demons are out roaming the Earth without a boss," Dean explains. "This army needs a leader and there are some fighting for the open position."

"And Lilith is one of them." Lizzy assumes.

"Yep," Sam answers. "She's working her way to the top, trying her best to trump the competition. She's doing a hell of a job at it too."

"Is there a lot of competition?"

"Ah," Sam starts with uncertainty. "Well, there is one."

"Who?"

The two men sit in silence, unable or maybe just unwilling to fill her in on this detail. Lizzy looks around at their faces and settles on Sam's, the one face that looks the most affected by her question.

"Sam? Who's Lilith's competition?" Lizzy stares at him as Sam lowers his head and avoids her. She looks back and forth between him and Dean, hoping for one of them to fill her in. "What the fuck is going on here?"

"L," Dean starts. "We're not sure who it is." He lies to her... again. He doesn't want to, not at all, but it's so much easier than having her look at his brother any differently.

"Bullshit. You know, I can tell when you're lying to me pretty easily, Dean," she calls him out immediately before looking back at Sam. "Come on, who is it?"

Sam keeps his focus low and shakes his head no and it dawns on her. The psychic crap, Azazel's interest in him, him being there when the gates to Hell opened….

"No…" Lizzy quietly says in half disbelief, half total denial. "No way. I don't believe that."

The sheepish and pathetic look on Sam's face breaks her heart when he turns to her.

"It's _you_!?" Lizzy asks as no one answers. "It can't be. No, Sam. You're not evil, you're good. And you're definitely not a demon."

"That's mostly true," he quietly tells her.

"What the fuck does _mostly_ mean?" she questions loudly, getting more scared by the moment.

"Azazel… did something to me, when I was baby, before the fire and mom," Sam explains. "I have demon blood in me, always have."

Lizzy pulls back at the statement, pressing her back into the couch. She's completely taken off guard. She looks to Dean quickly for something, anything, maybe a 'we're just kidding' even. Instead Dean keeps his serious face firmly planted. It's true, all of it.

"Sam, what Lou said…" Lizzy stutters. "Holy shit. She said something was different about you, about your blood. She knew when she tasted it."

"As usual, she was right. But I'm not evil, Lizzy," Sam tells her desperately. "I'm not. Lilith sees me as some kinda threat to her leadership but I'm not looking to be the head of any demon army. I'm not even sure what that means. I'm still me, I swear."

"And Ruby knows all of this?" Lizzy cautiously asks, still feeling extremely unsettled by the demon's presence in the brothers' lives. "That's why she's around, protecting your ass? She wants to follow you?"

"No. She doesn't want to follow me. But she does know certain things," Sam sadly informs her. "She wants Lilith gone too and she's been helping us with that. She's been really helpful."

Lizzy nods her head in understanding but she stays speechless. So much information to process.

"I think I need a minute before you tell me anything else," Lizzy says while pulling her knees into her chest and pulling her sweatshirt over her knees, a habit that she never lost from childhood. "God damn, I wish Louie was here right now." She knew there'd be times like this when she'd miss and need her lost friend the most.

Poor Sam. What the hell? He's such a gentle person. He's more saintly than anything, making the whole demon thing so completely absurd. Sam's been so comforting, helpful, and amazing throughout everything Lizzy's going through. She had no idea that the burden he's been carrying this whole time was so soul crushingly huge. Her issues are tiny in comparison yet he's been by her side without a second thought, supporting her when it should be the other way around. He deserves the same treatment in return.

Sam sits in torture as he and Dean both watch the many emotions run across her face. She stays quiet for a few minutes but soon enough she stands up and walks over to Sam, sitting on the floor in front of him and mirroring his Indian-style position. Reaching into his lap, Lizzy takes both his hands in hers.

"Don't worry so much, okay?" she says to the downtrodden man. "I don't think you're evil."

"Yes you do," Sam says sadly. "They all do."

"No, I honestly don't," Lizzy replies with all truth in her voice. "If anything, the only difference I see in you is that you're even stronger than I thought you were, by a whole lot. Yes, you have this evil in you, this part of you that goes completely against your nature but you've never given into it, not for a second. And with all the shit I've been going through, which totally pales in comparison to what you're dealing with right now by the way, you've been there for me one hundred percent and without a second thought. You're good Sam, good to the core, and I know exactly who you are." She smiles small at him and Sam returns it. "You've had this unbelievable strain put on you; the demon blood, your brother's deal, losing Lou, and you never once stopped trying to help me. That's truly got to be a sign of someone who really is completely, totally good, no matter what. You aren't evil, not even a little."

Sam says nothing in return. He sits, gripping probably too tightly to Lizzy's much smaller hands, and contemplates every kind word she says while trying not to crumble with emotional relief that she's still by his side.

"And I'm gonna say it again," Lizzy keeps going. "You _are_ my family. Both of you." She looks over to Dean briefly. "You're all I have left, you two and Bobby, and _no one_ is taking you from me or changing you into something else if I have anything to say about it."

"Thanks," Sam says quietly to Lizzy. "I expected you to be way more freaked out than this."

"Oh, I'm plenty freaked out," she admits while sitting up on her knees and leaning forward to give him a reassuring hug. "But not so much that I'd ever be scared of you, Sam-I-Am." She ends the hug and sits back onto the floor. "And after hearing all that, it's official. I am out for blood. Now how the fuck do we annihilate this bitch Lilith?"

* * *

Throughout the afternoon, Lizzy has shown signs of improvement. She actually ate a little, a couple times in fact and for the first time in about a week, and the men in the house have actually witnessed her smile slightly a few times. They weren't the same bright grins she used to give but it was something. Bobby had run out and picked up enough food to last a few days with four adults in the house and had made both lunch and dinner for everyone. The younger hunters spent their time recovering from their heavy drinking (at least Lizzy and Sam did) and researching constantly. There is an intimidating looking stack of books still left when the sun goes down but no one complains or stops. Determination has settled in.

After explaining some more to Lizzy, mostly just about the Colt and Ruby's knife being the only weapons they know of powerful enough to possibly kill Lilith, they all set out to search for answers, clues, anything.

"Fuck me," Lizzy lets out with frustration as she snaps the book in her lap shut and pulls out her ear buds.

"With pleasure," Dean mutters with almost automatic wit and without looking up from his own book, a pen resting between his lips.

"Good to know that pending doom hasn't taken away your sense of humor," she spits back with a sarcastic smile, which Dean returns. She allows herself a quick second to linger on his lips, his God damned lips as she likes to refer to them in her own mind. As ridiculous as it seems, she wishes for a moment that she is that pen. Surprised she actually let the thought of sex cross her mind, she knows for sure that she must be feeling the slightest bit better.

"No luck in that one?" he breaks her train of thought.

"None what-so-ever." She tosses the book across the floor with frustration and it lands with a thud by the discarded book pile. Lizzy stretches out her legs which are lying across Dean's lap on the other end of the couch they're sharing. He lifts his book that had been resting on top of her shins, giving her clearance to swing her legs off the couch. Standing and stretching her tired limbs, Lizzy looks around the room that has been silent for hours. Glancing at her grandmother's cuckoo clock she sees it is nearly nine at night. "Damn, where does the time go? Bobby, you get beer when you went out?"

"Said I went grocery shopping', didn't I?" he returns gruffly.

"Silly me," Lizzy flatly jests. "Must have forgotten who I'm dealing with then. Beer?"

"Thanks."

"Sam, beer?" she asks the long frame lying across the floor on his stomach, book open under his nose with his chin resting on his forearms much like he did while studying as a kid.

"Ugh, no. How can you even think about drinking right now?" His gut churns at the thought.

"Gotta get back up on that horse, my friend," Lizzy explains while leaving the room. "Plus, I'm a starter level alcoholic. It's all in a day's work really."

"Hey," Dean yells out to her as she leaves. "You forgetting someone?"

"No, I just didn't think to ask. I kinda assumed," she explains before going into the kitchen.

"That's my girl," Dean absently remarks while pointing his pen at her before he continues reading. Within a minute Lizzy returns and distributes the bottles she retrieved.

"So, I'm gonna take a break from reading before my eyes bleed. Gonna taking a shower," she explains before taking a sip of her beer.

"Alright," Dean nods and she bounds up the stairs.

"I think she's feeling' a little better," Bobby states to no one in particular once they hear the shower water start. Soon after the whole house if filled with the muffled sound of 'The Changeling' playing on her IPod dock.

"I'd say so," Dean responds, head still down and focused on his book. "The Doors. Anytime she plays one of her four favorite bands, it's usually a good thing."

"Four?" Sam questions.

"Yeah. The Doors, Van Halen, Pearl Jam, and Zep." Dean can't help but smile to himself at her choices. They weren't bad at all.

"Kinda indecisive, huh?" Sam comments more than asks.

"Maybe. But maybe she just really likes music and picking one favorite is impossible for her." Dean looks up to Sam. "You know, I once asked what her favorite Zeppelin song was and she told me she wouldn't answer such a ridiculous question. Said it was like asking her to choose which of her children she likes best." Dean considers her comment. "It makes sense, really. They are all good in their own way."

"Jesus," Bobby interrupts as he presses his palms into his eyes. The way he still talks about her, the way she still looks at him, it causes Bobby such conflict.

"What's up Bobby?" Dean asks. "You need a break too?"

"No, you idjit. I'm worried."

"What about," Sam questions.

"Lizzy. She just lost Lou in such a horrible way and now she has to lose this moron too… and in an even more disturbing way if that's at all possible." Bobby sighs heavily with the thought. "I don't know how she's gonna handle all this. She may be tough as steel on the outside but she ain't freakin' bulletproof."

The room grows silent once more but no one is reading. They are contemplating instead.

"We just have to be there for her," Sam says to Bobby. "She still has us no matter what, right?"

"Yeah, but as much as we love that kid… it ain't the same."

"I know," Sam replies sadly. "And I've been thinking. Now that Lou's gone, I think Lizzy should stop hunting. Get out while she can. It's the perfect opportunity, really."

"I completely agree," Dean adds very quickly, having thought of this himself in the past few days. "She can't go hunting alone, that's not an option. And she definitely can't come with us. That's way too dangerous."

"Plus, she has a house here already and some extended family around, like her uncle that manages her money," Sam continues. "I mean, shit, this could be a second chance for her."

Dean nods his agreement. He would be so happy knowing she was out of the life before his bill comes due. She'd be safe and wouldn't end up like him and Lou, dying in her twenties.

"Well, that all sounds peachy and everything, but you two are forgetting something," Bobby cuts in. "That girl is the most stubborn SOB I've ever come across. Even worse than you, Dean."

"Hell, even I'll admit that's saying a lot," Dean comments back.

"I don't know, boys… but I think we need to start dropping' some not so subtle hints to her about this," Bobby says to both, though clearly looking only at Dean.

"I will," Dean promises to Bobby. "I don't want her out there on her own."

"Good. Neither do I. You stupid kids have made me gray enough already. She deserves a nice, normal, quiet life. We should do what we can to get her that."

Dean wrinkles his brow with Bobby's statement. The idea of Lizzy having a normal life makes him stop and think for a moment. He has quick flashes of what feels like is a memory of Lizzy in an apartment. He then remembers something about his Dad and his own birthday. Shit, his dream from the night before. The dream that felt way too real and way too familiar. He forgot all about that until now.

"Hey, uh, Bobby," Dean starts, unsure of what exactly he's even going to tell the man. "Um, have you ever heard of having a dream, like a really, really real feeling dream that kinda feels like a memory but it's not?"

"Huh?" is all Bobby says in return, not at all following what Dean is saying to him.

"I don't know. I had this dream last night. I was in an apartment… in Massachusetts I think. It was Lizzy's apartment, I know that… and I think Dad was there."

"John?" Bobby asks with surprise.

"Yeah. He was telling me something or warning me about something… I can't remember what it was. It just felt _real_."

"Can't say I've ever had anything like what you're describing," Bobby says.

"Actually, it sounds kinda like my visions," Sam tells him cautiously, never wanting to bring those up.

"Nah, that's not it," Dean pushes the thought away, knowing it was different. "Never had any headaches. Oh, and you know, I'm demon blood free and all."

"Yeah, but it still could be," Sam suggests, trying to keep his brother's mind open. "You said you were in Lizzy's apartment and as far as we know she's never had one of her own. Could be a glimpse into the future and where she'll be at some point."

"You think?" Dean questions, not at all ready to believe such an idea yet. "Wait, can't be. Dad was there. How could it be the future if Dad was there?"

"Maybe he wasn't really," Bobby says narrowing his eyes at Dean. "I've heard of something' like this before, where the deceased visit the living in an unconscious state. If that person's still around, still keeping vigil and watching over their loved ones, they can communicate through dreams, or comas, or anything in which the mind is turned off from the real world."

"What about if someone got cracked in the head and blacked out?" Dean asks.

"Yeah, that would do it," Bobby informs him.

"Wait. Dean… you mean, when you were passed out back at the barn?" Sam wonders as the pieces start to fall in place.

"I think so," Dean closes his eyes. "Not sure though. I remember coming to and having very vague memories of Lizzy calling me Hot Shot and something about Dad. That's all though."

"Bobby, you think that dad's…?" Sam asks without finishing.

"Still around?" Bobby responds and thinks back to the woods in Oklahoma. "I doubt it. We burned his body. We did the proper hunter's burial and with one of those he should be good as gone."

"But he got out of Hell," Sam rebuts. "We saw him do it."

"Holy shit," Dean lets out. "So what, I just have Dad running around my skull whenever I sleep now? That's creepy."

"He ain't running around your skull," Bobby says, annoyed. "Now, I'm not saying it's actually John, but on the off chance that it might be it sounds like he has a message for you. You better listen to what he has to say next time, boy. And listen good."

Dean sits with the information, thinks about his father watching over them, and smiles.

"Ha, the old man still cares. How 'bout that."


	17. Dream a Little Dream of John

"So, ah," Dean begins while watching Lizzy get ready for bed and placing a pen and pad of paper on the nightstand by his side. He needs to bring it up but really he isn't too sure how to approach it. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

"That sounds… terrible," Lizzy admits while unzipping Sam's sweatshirt and pulling it off. Dean looks at her with annoyance. "What? You telling me you want to talk is like Britney Spear shaving her head. Can't be any fucking good for anyone."

"Shut up and listen, will ya'?"

"Ah, there he is," Lizzy says out sarcastically with his gruff ways as she playfully tosses her sweatpants she's taken off at him.

"Look, I'm just worried about you," Dean explains as Lizzy climbs into the open side of the bed next to him once she only has a tank top and underwear on. "I keep thinking about what's gonna happen to you now. Have you thought about that?" he asks with an expectant face.

Lizzy props her head up with her elbow on the pillow and faces him. "It's crossed my mind, yes. And… I'm not sure. Without Lou, everything's kinda changed for me."

"Exactly why I bring it up," Dean says. "We're all nervous about the thought of you hunting still."

"Honestly, me too," Lizzy concurs, knowing how dangerous it can be out there for a lone wolf. She angles to him and looks at him. "But giving up now? There's still so much evil, so much pain being inflicted on good, unknowing people. How do I just stop caring and walk away? I mean, at the same time, normalcy sounds so wonderful…"

"But?" Dean questions, hearing the hesitant tone she uses.

"But, kinda fucking awful at the same time." Her grim expression shows how tormented she is about the whole thing.

"Awful? How do you figure?" Dean questions loudly, not understanding at all what she means. A regular life always sounded so great to him with its lack of death, violence, sadness, and pain, both physical and emotional.

"I don't know. Just sounds terrible to me right now, like it wouldn't be right."

"I wish I understood that one."

"Well, I just see domestic bliss as not an option for me at the moment."

"Damn it," Dean complains out loud as he drops back with his head on his pillow and stares up at the ceiling. "I'll be honest here, L. I don't want you hunting. Call me overprotective for saying so if you want but it's just not a good idea. Yes, you are smart and strong and you can defend yourself but…" Dean sighs and closes his eyes. "With all that's out there, I just don't want to get a call saying you're dead."

"You mean like I will about you in less than three months," she retorts dropping her hand on his chest. "Kinda hypocritical, don't you think?"

"No!" he turns his head sharply to look at her again. "Jesus, that's nothing the same. You have a golden freakin' opportunity here. Get out. Do something with your life besides risk it."

"Like what?" Lizzy cuts in. "What the hell could I possibly do that'll do as much good as hunting?"

"Whatever you want," Dean answers, his tone even and calm. He can feel the argument building and tries to cut it off at the pass. "God, Lizzy, you could do anything. You could be a doctor like you had originally started to, or hell, be a teacher, be an artist, be a garbage man, who the hell cares. You can do whatever you want. You have a house already, a home base, and you know the area. You grew up here, you know people."

Dean pauses to gage her reaction but Lizzy says nothing, just stares back at him with a look he isn't sure how to read.

"You would be able to cook real meals and not eat shitty dinner food every night. You could have a closet full of clothes that aren't filled with bloodstains and bullet holes. You could have friends over for football games every Sunday, even go to a Pats game now and then like I know you want to. L, you could have a family, find a good guy and have a couple kids…"

"No," Lizzy simply states, stopping him in his tracks.

"Why not?"

"No. Just no," Lizzy says while shaking her head and turning off the lamp on her bedside table. She pulls the covers tightly over her and lays on her side, facing away with her back to him, wanting to end the conversation where it is. No such luck, however, as Dean isn't giving up that easy.

"I just want what's best for you," Dean quietly adds.

"Well, what's best for me is leaving in a few months. Permanently," Lizzy tells him while still facing away. "The life I _really_ want, with the _person_ I really want, it isn't possible. So stop trying to convince me it'll be fine and I can be normal. I'm not normal, my situation isn't normal… you're not normal."

Dean washes his hand down his face and settles in with the frustration that comes with what she tells him. She wants it all, domestic bliss, but with him. Doesn't that just figure? He doesn't know what to say in return because there really isn't anything to say. He moves over, hooking his arm around her waist and pulling her close with her back against his chest.

"I'm sorry," Dean whispers to her, apologizing for the hundredth time. It'll never be enough.

"Shut up, Dean" Lizzy says while holding back the tears and screwing her eyes shut. He's said it enough and she knows he's sorry, but hearing it yet again changes nothing. It doesn't erase his contract and it certainly doesn't keep him with her. She prays for sleep to come and allow her to avoid the thoughts running in her head, even if it's just for a couple hours.

* * *

 

Dean gets out of the Impala, slamming the door behind him as he does. Holy shit, he thinks to himself. He's here again. He's in the dream again. And this time he knows he's in the dream again. Now it's time to find some answers.

He sprints his way up the paved walkway to the front door of their apartment. Finding the right key, he moves to slide it into the lock of the old Victorian building when he hears it. 'Black Magic Woman', is blasting loudly from the second story and it's all too familiar. He rushes through unlocking the door and gets inside quickly.

Not taking the time to stop in the foyer, Dean ascends the staircase as quickly as possible, boots and coat still on. He stops in the hallway once he reaches the top, seeing the beer and card on the wooden bar but doesn't pause to read it. Instead, he turns immediately around to see Lizzy in the bedroom doorway. She wearing that same lingerie and heels but she looks surprised when he rushes down the hall and grabs her shoulders.

"Lizzy, listen to me," Dean begins. "I'm having a dream, or something like a dream. Is my dad here?"

"Uh, did you already start celebrating without me or something?" she looks up at him with confusion. "Are you drunk?"

"No! Where's Dad?" Dean asks again, frantically searching around the room for his father.

"Dean… John's been dead for a long time, you know that," she tells him while cupping his face in her hands and pulling him to look at her just like she always does when she needs his full attention. "Are you alright?"

"Shit. Yeah, I'm fine."

"Christo."

"L, I'm not possessed!"

"Could've fooled me!" she yells right back out. "Would you sit down on the couch or something…?"

"Dad!" Dean yells, cutting off her suggestion, as he rushes back down the hallway to stand next to John that's suddenly appeared in the apartment.

"What the… fuck," Lizzy says with shock when she sees the man she's never met before appear out of thin air. She walks down the hall, her tall heels clicking the entire way, and stands next to Dean. "Oh my God."

"Hello, Dean," John says in a quiet voice, barely audible over the still playing music.

"Dad!" Dean asks without shock this time. "What the hell is happening?"

"It won't be your fault," John tells him.

"Yeah, you said that last time. Are you still around us? Are you trying to tell me something?" He feels Lizzy's hand grip his upper arm as she draws closer to him while still staring straight at John.

"John?" Lizzy whispers out in awe.

The older man looks at her and his expression softens. "Hello, Elizabeth. It is so good to see you again."

"Again?" Lizzy questions with absolute bafflement.

John just smiles back at her, clearly happy to be in her presence for whatever reason. He then returns his focus onto Dean. "There's a lot coming your way, son. More than any person should ever have to deal with. It's going to get bad, really bad, but you cannot blame yourself."

"Not ever." They say the last bit at the same time once again.

"How'd you know he was gonna say that?" Lizzy asks Dean with alarm.

"I've been here before," Dean explains to her quickly. "Dad, seriously, drop the cryptic shit and explain to me what's happening. I'm listening."

"Hell is not the end for you, Dean. I know what is in store for you and for Sam."

"What's that mean!? Real answers, Dad! C'mon, please!"

"There's only so much I am able to tell you without getting sent away. My being here is very much frowned upon. They are not going to like it if they find me."

"Who isn't? Who're they?" Lizzy jumps in out of instinct and curiosity, her eyes frantic and searching between the two men in front of her.

"Good things are in store for you, Dean," John smiles slightly and in a way Dean's never seen from him as he nods his head in Lizzy's direction. She blushes when she looks down and remembers what she's wearing, sliding over behind Dean to hide herself. "You just have to hang on, do what you think is right, you and Sammy both. Follow _your_ paths."

"Son of a bitch," Dean complains, knowing the end of the dream is near and he isn't going to get the answers he wants.

"Just don't give up and no matter how it all goes down… it is _not your fault_. This would all have happened no matter what you did or didn't do. Promise me you won't carry that guilt and you'll fight." Despite the serious warning, John keeps the warm expression on his face.

"Yeah, I promise, but…"

"Good," John claps him on the shoulder. "That's all I ever wanted."

"Dad…" Dean begins, his voice suddenly vulnerable and young. "I… I don't want to go. I'm fucking scared. And, and Lizzy…"

"I know," John returns, giving him an understanding face before looking to Lizzy. "You will need to be very strong also, Elizabeth. He is going to need you. He already does."

"Yeah, of course. I'd do anything for your son," she tells John in all honesty.

"I know you will. You are a good person, Elizabeth. I know that you are." John then turns his attention back to Dean. "She's good for you. Do not be foolish." John sighs. "This whole thing is something I could never wish upon you, son. Or on her. Be strong and wait for him."

"Him who?" Dean questions, highly confused.

"Cas…"

**SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

Lizzy and Dean jolt up to a seated position in bed at the same time, both breathing in abruptly with the shock and huffing deep breaths of total alarm.

"What the fuck was that!?" Lizzy shouts out, her hands clutching at her chest with the rapid pounding of her heart.

"Holy shit," Dean says with awe as he reaches for the pen and paper he'd left nearby. He begins writing down all the details he can from what he remembers.

"Did you just have a crazy dream too?" Lizzy frantically asks, scared and confused by Dean's similar jolting awake.

"Yeah," he replies without looking up from his writing, pen moving furiously.

"Dean!? What's going on?" Lizzy asks him, needing answers. The dream she just had was way too real for comfort. She's unsettled and… wait, did she just dream about John? Dean and Sam's father, John?

"Hold on," he asks her to wait. He needs to write out every last detail he remembers before it's gone. This last one he was ready for so he doubts he'll forget much this time around but just in case he gets it all down.

"What the fuck was that!?" Lizzy repeats as she stands up out of bed and begins pacing back and forth with her hands in her hair, waiting for Dean to turn his attention to her.

Once he gets everything written on the paper he finally looks over to the very frightened Lizzy. "What did you dream?"

"I dreamt that I was in some apartment… I think it was mine, or maybe ours, even though I've totally never been there before."

"Old place, big hallway with wood floors and a wooden bar on one end?"

Lizzy's eyes nearly bug out of her head. "Ah, yeah! How the fuck did you know that?"

"I had the same dream," he explains while standing up and grabbing sweatpants and a t-shirt. "I've had this dream two times already." He starts heading out the doorway.

"What!?" Lizzy shouts out as Dean rushes past her. He runs down the hallway to Bobby's room and knocks loudly.

"Bobby! Wake up!"

After some muffled grumbling and shuffling around on the other side of the door, it opens.

"What?" Bobby says with complete annoyance through his sleep riddled brain.

"Had the dream again. Meet me downstairs," Dean tells him before jogging back down the hall, paper in hand, and pounding down the stairs to get Sam. He runs his way over to the pull out couch and shakes his brother's shoulder. "Sammy, hey, get up," Dean says in a quiet tone, trying not to freak his little brother out. "Sammy, c'mon."

"What?" Sam asks while coming to. "What's going on?"

"Get up," Dean tells him. "Meet me in the kitchen."

"You're telling me you've had this dream two times already?" Lizzy asks while pulling the pot of freshly brewed coffee out of the maker.

"Yeah," Dean tells her. "I'm pretty sure it happened once when I was knocked out in that barn days ago and again last night. It's what woke me up before I found you two down here mid-fiesta."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Lizzy asks while pouring mugs for everyone. "I mean, I seem to be pretty heavily involved in that dream, or whatever it is."

"That's why I _didn't_ tell you," Dean informs her. "I needed to know what I was dealing with first."

"Wait," Sam interrupts while carefully reading over the notes Dean had taken once he woke up. "So, this time you knew right away that it was a dream?"

"Yeah," Dean responds. "It was so freaky, man. It started the same as always, me getting out of the Impala and heading into that apartment, but I knew I had been there before. I was certain of it. And I knew it wasn't real right away."

"How'd you know?" Bobby questions.

"Honestly I'm not sure," Dean admits. "Maybe it's because I'd seen it all before twice already? Or maybe because this one was the most vivid, if that makes any sense?"

"Yeah, sure felt real," Lizzy adds while taking a seat. "Felt like it was actually happening."

"And that raises an interesting question," Sam breaks in. "Why did Lizzy have this dream too?"

"Depends," Bobby says. "Might be because she was right next to Dean this time, making it easier for the dream to transfer onto her with their close proximity. It's been known to happen among people with highly close bonds. Or could just be that John's desperate to tell you something and having two of you hear him out is better than just one."

"Did _you_ know you were in a dream, Lizzy?" Sam questions.

"No, not at all," she admits. "It felt so damn real. We were carrying on a conversation like it was nothing. And I knew where I was, like I'd been there before even though I haven't. It seemed familiar and…" Lizzy suddenly remembers something. "Shit, Dean, was it your birthday or something?"

"Yeah," Dean nods to her. "It was. You were about to give me my present, actually." He takes a quick second to grin and wink at her, remembering how damn good she looked in her wrapping paper.

"I'd say so," Sam smiles while looking at Dean's notes.

"Huh?" Lizzy questions him and Sam slides the paper over to her, pointing to a specific note Dean had made. _My birthday – Lizzy in lingerie and black heels from FBI suit. Awesome._

"Ha," Lizzy uncomfortably giggles while her cheeks redden slightly. "I do kinda remember feeling… exposed. Guess I just wanted to make a good first impression on John, huh?"

"So you talked to John?" Bobby questions Lizzy.

"Not really. I mean, I tried. I think I got a few words in here and there, but he was pretty focused on communicating with only Dean… though, he seemed to really like me."

"Who wouldn't in that outfit?" Dean comments quickly.

"Not like that and you know it," Lizzy rolls her eyes. "He just seemed… happy with me. Being with you."

"But he never met you," Sam says, brow wrinkled with the very odd detail.

"He acted like he knew me. And approved," Lizzy recalls easily the warm feeling she got from John in the dream.

"Dad would have liked you," Dean nods a little. "Hell, he'd probably like you better than me."

"Not possible," Lizzy shakes her head. "But he did seem to feel like I was… good for you or something."

"Which is something dad would have never said," Sam adds in. "Dean, none of this sounds like dad."

"He did sound off," Dean nods and agrees. "He was speaking weird. Like, too properly or something."

"And stiff," Lizzy adds in. "I can't imagine you two being raised by someone that speaks that way."

"We didn't," Dean assures her. "He never spoke like that."

Bobby makes a concentrated face as he wonders aloud, "How sure are we that it was John at all then?"

"What do you mean?" Dean questions right back.

"What if something wanted to give you a message… and used John's image to get it to you?"

Dean thinks about it for a moment. "Maybe you're right Bobby. I mean, Dad was definitely trying to get a message to me, even if he sounded strange. He kept repeating something about not blaming myself, hanging in there, and things are gonna get bad. And it kinda sounded like he couldn't say what he outright wanted to."

"Oh yeah," Lizzy concurs. "It was clear that he had a message he wasn't able to get out, like he wasn't _allowed_ to."

"Why do ya' think that is?" Bobby wonders.

"Wish I knew," Dean says. "He said he couldn't tell me everything and that _they'd_ send him away if he said too much."

" _They_?" Sam asks with wide eyes. "Who are _they_?"

"John never said," Lizzy adds, remembering the conversation better and better the more they talk it out. "He said you and Sam had to do what you thought was right and follow your own road in life, or something like that. He made it sound like something big is on the horizon for both of you."

Sam pushes out a deep breath with a whooshing sound as the whole thing settles in. "What the hell, man?" he laments to Dean, mind busy with confusion and mystery.

"Beats the fuck outta me, Sammy," his brother replies to him, letting the heavy message wash over him.

"Wait a minute… Dean, didn't John say something about having to find someone, or someone finding you?" Lizzy asks, vaguely remembering John try to say a name.

"Ah," Dean says stealing back his notes from in front of Lizzy. "He said I need to wait for… and he got cut off. We woke up right in the middle of whatever he was saying. Something must have stopped him. Maybe it was 'they'. Fuck."

"C," Lizzy says. "It's a C name, or maybe a K. He didn't finish it, but I know it began with a C or a K."

"Here," Dean points to his last note. "Kass is the last thing I wrote down."

"Kass?" Bobby questions without expecting an actual answer. "Huh."

"What?" Dean asks.

"Well, we know it's the beginning of a name," Bobby begins. "And part of a name is better than no name. It's a place to start at least."

"More research," Dean squeezes his eyes shut and rubs his temples. He's still so damn tired from everything.

"Shall I make more coffee?" Lizzy asks the group as she checks the clock on the kitchen wall. A little after five in the morning.

"Just hook it up to my veins when it's ready," Sam sleepily retorts while getting up from his kitchen chair and dragging his feet into the living room to get a head start.


	18. Leaving Here

** Note:  This chapter has been edited from it's original form for compliance with the M rating on FanFiction. For the full, MA version of this chapter please visit this same story on Archive of Our Own. The story title and chapter title are the same. The author name is DeepLittleSOB. The link to my Dashboard is in my profile. **

* * *

"Sam!" Dean calls out after hearing the snore coming from his little brother. "Sammy!" But Sam doesn't move. He continues to sleep, using the open book as a pillow while lying on the floor.

"Eh, let him sleep a little," Lizzy says to Dean from the floor next to Sam. She's sitting on a pillow and is surrounded by papers and her open laptop. "Poor dude is wiped."

Dean shrugs his shoulders from his seat in one of the upholstered chairs and looks back down at his own book. She's right; Sam could use the extra rest. Hell, they all could. They've been up for hours, back at it, and he'd love a nap himself.

"Gotcha bitch," Bobby announces out of nowhere from his place on the couch with his legs stretched across it, taking up its length.

"Excuse me?" Dean asks with confusion.

Bobby holds up a bright pink sticky note with the words ' _Gotcha Bitch!'_ and a smiley face handwritten on it. "Like I said…" Bobby responds.

"Oh." Lizzy starts to smile slightly as the tears quickly fill her eyes. Both Bobby and Dean look over at her very mixed reaction to the paper Bobby had found stuck to one of the pages of the old book in his lap.

"What is this?" Bobby questions her.

"That," Lizzy starts in a choked up voice. "Is Louie saying hi." Lizzy wipes her eyes and reaches out for Bobby to hand the note over to her. "It's a kinda game we used to play. We'd leave messages saying gotcha bitch everywhere, like ah, once I wrote it on our motel bathroom mirror in eyeliner so she'd find it when she went in. Whenever one surprises the other with the phrase that person has to do the next beer run."

"Hell of a way to stay occupied," Dean comments. Sounds kind of fun to him, and like something Sam would never really get into sadly.

"Kept us on our toes while out on the road, that's for sure," Lizzy says while running her hand over the handwriting of her best friend. "Man, who knows how long ago she planted this one. That's long term fucking over right there." Lizzy smiles fondly and runs her fingers under eyes one last time as the emotions start to subside. She takes the pink paper and sticks it on her laptop below the keyboard so she'll see it every time her computer was opened.

"Why is it that everything you two ever did had to do with drinking somehow?" Bobby asks, looking to lighten up the moment for Lizzy.

"Because drinking is awesome. And we were awesome at it," she gives him a shit-eating grin.

The front doorbell rings, interrupting the moment, and the three non-sleeping hunters pause. Lizzy stands up from her place on the floor and starts for the front door, Dean close on her heels. Before greeting their visitor, Lizzy stops at a small decorative table by the entrance and opens its top drawer, grasping firmly to the silver hunting knife in it. Dean gives her a surprised look.

"Hey, I'm always prepared," she informs him and he nods his approval. This makes him worry slightly less about her being on her own, but only a little.

Lizzy unlocks the door and opens it a crack, peeking through the sliver to see who it is. Glancing at Dean menacingly first, she pulls the door open, revealing just who their company is.

"Hey there, love birds," Ruby says with an eye roll while walking between them and letting herself in.

"Ruby! Always a displeasure," Dean quips quickly, disappointed to see her.

"Wow, that's the greeting I get for keeping you all alive a couple days ago?"

"Absolutely," Dean responds. "Every time I see you, you come bearing worse news than the last time so you can imagine I'm about as excited to see you as I am for my next colonoscopy."

"Yeah, well… shit," Ruby complains while trying to walk into the house and getting stopped by an unseen force. Dean smiles over to Lizzy as she bends down and picks up the corner of the rug at Ruby's feet, revealing the devil's trap underneath.

"Had to make sure grandma was safe, right?" she comments while scraping some of the paint off the floor with her knife, freeing the demon.

"Damn straight," Dean returns before calling out to the next room. "Sam, wake up! Your bitch is here!"

Ruby strides all too confidently into the living room, eyeing Bobby as she does before bending down and smacking Sam hard on the ass to wake him up for good. He jumps at the feeling and pops his eyes open, looking around frantically before settling his focus on the demon standing over him.

"Ruby?" he questions through his sleep riddled mind. "The hell are you doing here?"

"Came to get you and your brother," she explains. "Found a group of demons that I think could help us."

"What do you mean?" Sam asks while standing up and rubbing his eyes.

"I mean that I think one of them is high enough up on the food chain to know where Lilith is. If we can get to him, we can question him. Pack your shit then head to Falling Spring, West Virginia," Ruby commands as she turns to walk back out of the house. "I'll meet your asses there."

"Wait," Lizzy calls out, knowing she's probably overstepping her bounds. "Ruby."

The demon turns and stares blankly at Lizzy, waiting for whatever she has to say.

"Um… I owe you a pretty big thank you, for what you did," Lizzy says, needing to let the demon know she's grateful. "You saved us all. And you pulled the trigger when I'm pretty sure I couldn't have."

"Seems to be my new role," Ruby sarcastically says back. "And if you want to thank me, you can start by not distracting Dean so damn much. I need his head in the game and not on some flavor of the month." Ruby saunters out the front door and yells back, "You're just lucky you were with the Winchesters. Otherwise, I could give a shit about you." The booming sound of the door slamming makes everyone jump a little.

"Well isn't she just a fucking sweetheart," Lizzy remarks to the room after hearing the loud bang.

"She _is_ a demon," Sam says, brushing the comment off before turning to Dean. "Crap, we better get going."

"What!? That's it?" Lizzy asks them while focusing on Dean. "You're just gonna leave _right_ now?"

"Yeah," Dean sighs, agreeing with his brother. "She's been right a lot in the past. And if she has a lead on Lilith, I think we have to at least check it out."

"So a demon says jump and you two ask how high, is that it?" Lizzy asks incredulously. Are they seriously right now?

"Lizzy…" Bobby warns her.

"You're just gonna follow her blindly? She's a fucking demon!" Lizzy's anger creeps back in.

"And she's our best bet right now," Sam cuts in with a higher volume than he wanted. "Trust me, we don't like being associated with her any more that you do, but like Dean said she's been right in the past. If we're gonna keep him outta hell, we gotta go."

"Fuck," Lizzy bemoans with what they are telling her. They're leaving. She isn't ready for that, not at all. "Fuck!" she repeats while covering her face with her hands.

"L," Dean starts but stops when he watches her shake her head no rapidly.

"No, I know you have to go," Lizzy says, removing her hands from her face and coming to terms with the reality of it all. "I honestly think you should. I'm just not… ready for you to leave. And I don't know when… or if I will see you… fuck!"

"I know," Dean says, pulling her into him when the heartbreaking moment she makes nearly kills him. The last thing he wants to do is leave. He'd love nothing more than to stick around and truly make the very best of his last months but he needs to go for her sake. He needs to find a way out of his contract so that he can stick around for her.

"I'm gonna go pack some stuff, make sure we have everything," Sam informs Dean and Dean nods his head in return.

"Lemme help you," Bobby says to Sam while getting up from the couch to join him. He needs to make sure they properly prepare themselves, pack wisely, and have their acts together enough to deal with more demons. Or at least he'll make sure Sam does… Dean definitely won't.

"Hey," Dean looks down at Lizzy when he loosens his hold on her and she looks up through her watery eyes. "Come help me pack?" She nods in return and lets him lead her, hand in hand, to the room they'd shared for the past couple nights.

* * *

 

"What if this is it?" Lizzy questions while sitting on the bed, her knees drawn to her chest and her arms hugging them in tightly. She refused to actually help him pack and make it go that much quicker. Anything to keep him there, even for an extra couple minutes. "What if I don't see you again before…?"

"You will." Dean says it with a certainty he doesn't have while shoving a flannel shirt into his bag. Once again they are forced to part ways without knowing enough about the future to be satisfied with the situation. Such a vicious cycle.

"There's no way you can say that and mean it," Lizzy tells him quietly.

Dean continues shoving items with force into his duffel and stays silent. She's right. He really can't promise they will see each other before his year is officially up. It's horrifying knowing he may never be with her again.

"Dean, just… shit…" Lizzy tries to talk but the lump in her throat completely cuts her off. She sighs heavily, willing the need to cry away, and tries again. "I need you to know some things."

He looks at her pathetic and worry addled face and stops his task at hand. He can finish packing in a minute. Right now he just can't handle seeing her sit there alone all balled up and so sad.

Taking a seat behind her, Dean sits so she's between his legs and his arms can circle around her frame. This way he's as close to her as possible yet can avoid the absolutely agonizing expressions she puts on full display.

"I know it hasn't been easy for us. And I know how angry I was at you when I first saw you again. But Dean, I'm not angry anymore. Not even a little. Everything is so fucking complicated and awful, I get it. I just need you to know I totally understand why you left me and that you wanted to protect me. I am not mad, not at all, okay?" She hangs her head and waits for an answer but gets nothing as Dean wrinkles his brow while dropping his chin on her shoulder with the overwhelming moment. "Please, tell me you know I'm not mad, that I don't hate you for any of it."

"I know," he quickly lets out, letting his gaze drop down to their hands as he weaves their fingers together.

"I hope you mean that."

"I mean it."

"Okay," Lizzy says while nodding before taking a deep breath. "You know, the amount of time we've actually spent together is so minimal considering how long we've known each other. So weird to me that I feel what I do for someone that I hardly get to see."

"Doesn't matter," Dean whispers to himself.

"What?"

"It doesn't matter," he repeats louder. "We were in deep the second we met. It only took the amount of time it takes to stitch a wound back together for us to be… us."

Lizzy smiles slightly and nods, knowing how much she liked him after their first conversation in Bobby's bathroom while she patched up the slice in his arm. It wasn't anything in particular he said or did, it was just an ease they had when they were together, an instant comfort they felt around each other.

"L, I don't really know why, but we're something. Still not sure exactly what, but we're definitely something. I'm going to do everything I can to keep this. The last thing I want is for you to be hurt or sad or alone. That scares me more than Hell ever could."

Lizzy grips tighter onto his calloused hands and keeps quiet. She doesn't try to stop him from talking, fearful that he'll close up like he usually does if interrupted.

"I'm gonna try, do everything I can, but if I don't find a way out of this… promise me something?"

"No," Lizzy responds, knowing what he's about to ask her to do. She could never do it and doesn't want to make that impossible promise.

"Please tell me you'll move on. You won't hunt. You'll live a safe life."

"No," she repeats.

"You'll have a job, a family…"

"Please stop," Lizzy sobs out, nearly begging him to cease.

"Lizzy, promise me." Dean turns his head and cranes his neck to stare at her profile and recognizes the sheer anguish in her deep brown eyes.

She knows she has to make the promise, not for herself but for him, and she nods her head. If that's what he wants, she vows to do it whether she's on board with the idea or not. How she'll make that happen without him is beyond her, though. I all feels too impossible to even consider.

"Good," Dean breaths deeply and untangles one hand to wash it down his face, wiping the tears that crept out away. "I'm sorry I've been such a difficult ass with this kinda shit. Feelings and all that crap, I don't do well with."

"You don't say," she jests while leaning her head back onto his shoulder. Leave it to Lizzy to crack a joke at a time like this. He's grateful though. She can read him like a book and understands what he needs even when he doesn't.

"Shut up," he says to her with the same kind of levity. "I'd give anything to have you not go through this."

"I know."

"L, I still don't understand why I even met you. I don't get lucky like this. Ever."

"It's fate, dude." She rolls her head to the side and buries her face into his neck.

"You know I don't believe in that crap."

"And you know that I do," she smiles ever so slightly through her falling tears. "We were supposed to meet. You can't ever change my opinion on that. I feel way too much for you to ever think we weren't meant to be something." She closes her eyes for just a silent minute, taking in the scent that is pure him and hasn't changed at all over the year. She tries her best to memorize it, store it away back in her mind somewhere safe.

"I… love you, L," Dean says as fresh tears begin sliding down his cheeks. "More than I knew it was possible to actually love someone. I'm… sorry it took so long. To say that."

"God, I love you too," Lizzy says as his words, the words she's been waiting so long to hear, put her in motion. She quickly turns around, propped up on her knees and leans into him, crashing her lips into his with abrupt misery and sheer desperate need. She wraps her arms around his neck and grips onto his shirt as he moves quickly to pull her into him. "Love you… so much," she confesses between kisses. The words spill out without abandon as if they had always been at the tip of her tongue. She told herself so long ago that she'd wait for him to let his affection out first, not scare him away with how she truly felt, and now that he has for once she can't stop herself.

They both clutch onto the other for dear life, arms encircling each other in an iron-clad embrace, knowing just how important this moment is. This could easily be the last time they touch, last time they truly feel the other, the last time for _them_.

Dean and Lizzy move and touch with passion and utter urgency for the second time in days, but it's nothing like the last time. A few days before it was about overcoming the distance, reconnecting with what was thought to be lost, and just sheer need for each other. Now their actions are all about last chances, regret for the past, and clinging to whatever it is they have left.

Dean leans back onto the headboard and knots his hands into her hair as he continues to pull her into him, not letting their lips part for even a second. Her hands stay between the two of them and flatten against his chest, feeling his heart beat beneath her fingers. She does all she can to keep the looming emotional break down at bay as she notices the pace of his heart pick up while they lose themselves further into each other and the time ticks away. His departure and his coming deadline, it's all too much.

"I can't let you go," Lizzy breaths out after separating them, her hands framing his jaw as she looks deeply into the green eyes she knows far too well. "I don't know how. How do I do this?" A single drop falls from the bottom edge of her lid and slides down her cheek as she unsteadily inhales.

Dean softly drags the pad of his thumb across the wet trail it leaves behind before kissing the spot sweetly. He lowers his hands and slips them under the hem of her t-shirt, reveling in the warmth of her smooth skin. It's one of the things he'd try over and over to remember clearly during the grueling and too long days when they were apart. She was tough through and through, powerful with the tenacity to match the greatest of hunters, but her features completely defy her personality in an almost perfect way. Delicate, graceful, and beautiful are more likely the words that the unknowing person would use to describe her.

Lizzy moves in again, recapturing his lips, his perfect lips, with hers and is filled with the sensation of good fortune. No matter how this ends, especially if it ends tragically in the next few months, she regrets nothing. Getting to know Dean Winchester, getting to love him and be loved by him even if it was tumultuous at best, is worth all the pain it may cause in the long run.

His fingers move up over her ribs and she pulls away to allow him to lift her shirt over her head. Having been lounging inside for the day she'd forgone putting on a bra and now she's completely bare to him above her waist. She helps him with his own shirt, tossing it aside and quickly presses her body against his, needing that contact.

Dean immediately realizes that she's shaking, trembling all over as she continues to embrace him, placing kisses over his cheeks, eyelids, freckle-covered nose, everywhere she wants to clearly remember.

"Hey," he soothingly calls to her, bringing his hands to the sides of her jaw and pulling her away just enough to get their eyes to meet. "Are you okay?"

"No," she answers truthfully, kissing him once more before he stops her again.

"We shouldn't do this," he tells her, suddenly gathering that this experience could be more damaging to her than good. He doesn't want to part on such terrible terms, especially after her reaction the last time they'd gotten so close.

"Please don't do that," she pleads to him in a forlorn voice. "Don't stop this. Please don't."

"L, I don't know," Dean admits, his concerns clear. "Are you…"

"I'll be fine," she lies.

He knows she's being dishonest. "You're not fine."

"Doesn't matter. Dean, please." The way her brown eyes plead with him breaks. "I need you. Just let me have this."

He doesn't need to hear another word to ensure him any further. She's always been honest with him absolutely, even when it hurt either him or herself. For this reason he doesn't protest in the least when she makes quick work of the button and zipper of his jeans. He wants this, craves this reminder that she still loves him even after everything they've been through and everything he's put her through. She moves backwards down the bed, pulling the rest of his clothing with her, until he's undressed before her. She smiles sadly as she looks him over, a combination of dejection and want in her eyes.

Lizzy smiles at him through tears. "You're beautiful," she tells him while climbing back up the bed and settling back in between his legs, right where she'd been moments before. "You really are," she adds while pressing her hand to his chest just over his heart. "Don't ever lose that. You _can't_ lose that."

Dean furrows his brow at her statement, touched by the words he doesn't completely believe. Lizzy sees him for what he is, every good and bad aspect, every flaw and imperfection, and never questions her belief in the potential and goodness she knew to be real in him. He once again smooths his fingers over her stomach, her waist, her lower back before slipping his hands under the top of her sweatpants, fully taking in the feel of her round backside. He lowers her pants, taking her panties with them, and she helps him get them completely off. She tosses them away and moves hastily to straddle his hips. Leaning over and kissing him with all the love she has for him, they join their bodies together for what could be the final time.

Lizzy sighs loudly with the feeling, delight and torment mixing together, when she feels him, really feels him, within her. She closes her eyes and presses her forehead to his, pausing to let the brief moment dominate her senses. The urge to cry hits her again, but she fights it with all her might. He'd stop what they're doing if she did and she can't let that happen.

It feels so good, so overwhelming just being connected like this that Dean's breathing hitches when she finally begins to move on top of him. Her hips rock gently, almost painstakingly slow, and he knows she's doing her best to delay the inevitable. His hands slowly roam her body, taking in every curve, every scar, every _everything_ he possibly can. Her breath floats warmly across his cheek as she gasps when her movements finally pick up pace. Dean cranes his neck upward and brushes his lips against hers.

"I meant it," he softly tells her again, their lips lightly connected. "I love you, L."

Her heart breaks in half with his words. She kisses him deeply as the heat builds inside her, making it clear that their time together does have an end in sight. She brings her mouth to his ear.

"I love you too," she whispers with closed eyes. "With all I have, I love you. I always will."

Dean grits his teeth when she tells him this. It's all he can do to keep his own sorrow in check. He wraps her up in his arms, pressing her flush against him as her hips begin moving with pure intent, her own moment climbing, getting closer by the second, as does his.

"Oh," she moans softly as she lets the physical gratification take ahold. "Oh God, Dean."

He pulls her back just enough to watch the satisfaction make itself clearly present on her face. She slowly lifts her lids and locks eyes with him, making his heart flutter when he sees it. The spark. It's the hope, the goodness, the purity and the love that used to always be ever-present in her bright, chestnut colored eyes. He loved that about her, that she had such wonder and optimism still in her. He's overjoyed to know for sure it's still in there somewhere. Maybe it's buried beneath loss and pain and fright right now, but it's there.

Dean lets a groan escape as they stare each other down in the moment. "Lizzy," he says her name with pure adoration and weakness for her.

"Dean. Oh god," she gasps out as their connection consumes her, reaching her high point and pressing her cheek against his. The sight and feel of her utter fulfillment sends him crashing over that edge himself, clinging to her more tightly than he'd intended. He holds her in this place as they both melt into the other, breathing heavily and not willing to part.

Dean brings a hand to the back of her head, holding her in place as she lowers her forehead to rest on his shoulder. "Lizzy. I… I love you. So much," he confesses quietly as her hand runs up his arm and settles against the free side of this neck. "So, _so_ damn much." He keeps his other arm around her small frame, his hand splayed out on her back.

Soon he feels her body tremoring under his touch again. He looks down and sees her shaking her head no back and forth against his shoulder, reality once more hitting.

She couldn't hold back any longer. She had to cry. It's not something she wanted at this time, but what choice did her rampant and over worked emotions give her? She could lose this. And they have to say goodbye.

Neither move. Neither speak. Neither make any attempt to do anything but let their emotions rule the little time they had left together.

* * *

 

"So I think I'm gonna stay here for a while," Bobby explains as they all stand outside the old house. He looks around, shoving his hands in the pockets of his jacket and shivering against the cold. "There's a lot of stuff to still go through. Figure I could lend a hand for a while longer?" he asks while looking at Lizzy. They both know he isn't staying for research purposes but to keep Lizzy company and make sure she will be fine enough before he leaves too.

"Thank you," Lizzy says to him with a worried brow and Bobby gives her a small smile. She's standing next to Dean in the driveway, holding his hand. She hasn't let get of him since they left the bedroom upstairs and she isn't willing to until she is forced.

"Alright," Sam announces, trying to get the worst part over with so that they can get on the road and deal with everything.

Lizzy actually releases her grip on Dean just long enough to wrap her arms around Sam's torso. "Sam, please be careful."

"You know I will," he says in return, his heart heavy with her sorrow.

"If you need me I'm a just phone call away, okay?" she looks up to him. "I know I'm no Lou. But I can do my best and I want to do that for you. And I need to know… things." She winces with pain over her last statement. She asking him to let her know if and when it all ends for Dean.

"I will," he tells her as much as he doesn't want to.

"You're a good person, Sam-I-Am," she tells him honestly, ensuring that he knows she doesn't look at him with anything but esteem even after what he told her. Screw demon blood, he was good through and through. "I love you," Lizzy tells him as she pulls him down to place a kiss on his cheek, Sam simply smiling his thanks to her.

"I'm gonna put myself on a permanent research binge," she says to both brothers while returning focus to Dean. "Have to do my part, right? To keep you here?"

"I appreciate that," he smiles slightly to her before hugging her.

"If you have even a couple minutes free, come back here?" she asks of him. "I'll pay for the flight even."

"Ha, yeah," Dean rolls his eyes at the thought of flying, though he'd do it in a heartbeat to see her. "You know I will."

"Every day," she warns up to him. "I want a call every damn day, don't care how busy you are."

"Okay," he answers, knowing it's the least he could do. He leans down and kisses her. He's going to miss that horribly over the next months.

Lizzy pressed her forehead to his. How surreal that he's almost gone again. How is this her life? How did it get so fucked up and depressing?

"I love you," he tells her quietly, needing to drive the point home before leaving. Yes, he said it in front of both Sam and Bobby, but at a time like this it doesn't matter who knows. He had to say it one last time to her face.

"You know I love you too," she could only whisper in return, hugging him tighter one last time before they let go. She feels cold and lonely the second they aren't connected.

"Watch her," Dean says to Bobby while pointing a finger in his direction.

"Yeah," Bobby returns as Lizzy walks over to him and hooks her arms around his middle while standing by his side. He brings his arm around her shoulders and she tucks herself underneath it. At least she won't be totally alone, not just yet. She needs more time to adjust, to settle, to figure things out.

The brothers get into their usual seats in the Impala and Dean turns the key in the ignition. It's the first time in his life that the purr of his Baby's engine doesn't make him happy. Unable to look over at her again, not wanting to have the last image of her be the look on her face as he drives away, Dean drives.

Bobby and Lizzy watch as the shiny black car makes its way down the street and out of sight. Lizzy doesn't move away from her place, just sighs loudly.

"You gonna be ok down there," Bobby asks.

"Not even a little bit," she responds while still looking down the street. "Why the hell did you let me ever talk to him in the first place?" she half jokes.

"Hey, I tried to keep you guys apart," Bobby explains. "There's a reason I knew you for three years before you met."

"Thanks for trying anyways," she says up to him.

"Yeah, yeah," he brushes off and starts walking back into the house. "How many more books you got for us to go through?"

"Enough," she answers, taking one last glance down the street before following him inside. She prays she has enough to occupy her for at least the next three months. She feels the stab of emotional pain already with Dean's absence.

If this whole thing doesn't kill her, she'll be shocked.

* * *

 

"Alright, enough," Dean finally says after turning down the volume on 'Mississippi Queen'. They've been driving for half an hour and he's had Sam's eyes boring a suspicious and giddy stare at him for far too long now. He can't take it anymore. "Say what you have to say."

"Wasn't gonna say anything," Sam smirks at him.

"Bullshit, dude. Just get it over with."

Sam full blown smiles over to his older brother. "The big L word?"

"Yup," Dean quickly and seriously responds.

"Never thought I'd hear you say it," Sam comments. Dean's definitely known for way too long that he loved Lizzy and has held out so long that it seemed it'd never happen. "And it's about damn time, really."

"Shut up."

"No way, Dean. This was huge," Sam keeps prodding. "I'm proud of you. You're growing up."

" _Sam_ ," Dean issues a warning in his stern, fatherly voice and Sam just huffs a laugh before dropping the subject. He just so badly needs to get a quick jab or five in over the whole thing.

"At least she's rubbing off on you," Sam remarks. "Making you all touchy-feely."

"Jesus, Sam," Dean starts with annoyance. "You're acting like a fucking miracle happened back there."

"Didn't it?" Sam interrupts.

Dean whips his head around to look at Sam. "Try reeling it back a bit, huh?"

Sam gets a good laugh at his brother's annoyance. "Honestly though, I'm happy you told her," Sam says. "You probably made her really happy."

"Well then, that'd be the least I could do for her right now," he responds before turning the music back up loud enough to end the conversation. Sam shakes his head at Dean's usual conversation ending tactic, but his grin never stops. It was all just too good.


	19. What Now?

**_May 17_ _th_ _, 2008 (Twenty-four hours to go)_ **

"Please tell me you have _something_ ," Lizzy pleads when she answers her phone ring at midnight. With so little time left before Dean's deal is up she's holding out for nothing short of a miracle. It's been a very long three months of doing research and waiting patiently by the phone all to end up with jack squat and some fading hope.

"We have a plan," Dean says. He's been on the road constantly since they parted ways and hearing each other's voices over the phone has been the only option for contact they've been given. To say it's been difficult would be putting it lightly. It plain sucked.

"Okay… and it is…!?" Lizzy asks with impatient promise.

"We got the knife from Ruby," Dean starts. "We have a way to kill Lilith now and a location of where she's hanging out. We're gonna go deal with her head on."

"Alright…" Lizzy trails off, waiting to hear the rest.

"And that's it. We're gonna go kill her."

"That's the whole plan!?" Lizzy panics. "Get her? What the fuck, Dean!? That's insane!"

"I'm well aware," he tells her. "This wasn't my idea. It's Sam and Bobby's. They insist on going after her and this is all we've come up with so that's what we're gonna do."

"So they wanna die too!?" Lizzy is floored by how stupid this is. Running straight at the enemy who is a million times stronger than all of them combined just didn't add up to her coming out the other end with any family at all. "Dean, you can't do this!"

"What choice do I have here, L?" Dean asks her. "They want to do this and aren't taking no for an answer. I'm pretty sure they'll go even if I don't which means I _have_ to."

"Shit," Lizzy sighs. This makes her scared to death but if that's all they have then she's in all the way. All for one, right? "Alright, where is this bitch? If it's too far a drive I can try to fly out. You could pick me up on the way."

"No," Dean seriously responds. No way is she joining them for this.

"No, what? There's no airport there? What is with demons and picking the most hick places?"

"No I mean I'm not telling you where we're going," Dean lets her know. "You aren't coming on this one." Dean waits for the ensuing fight that's sure to happen.

"Dean, you have to stop trying to protect me from everything," Lizzy warns. "You can use all hands on deck right now, you know that's the truth."

"You're absolutely right but if you come and something happens to you, who's gonna pick up the pieces when this shit's all over?" Dean asks. "Who's gonna look after Sammy and make sure Bobby doesn't drink himself into an early grave if this doesn't work out, huh? I need you to be there for them if I… if I can't be."

God damn does she hate him right now for saying that. His logic is perfect and she can't fight how right he is. But not joining the battle for Dean's soul seems all kinds of wrong.

"I need to be there," she tells him in all honestly.

"I know, oh I know… but you can't," Dean stands his ground. "No fucking way."

"I can't just sit here all fucking helpless."

"Yes you can. You can because you love them and because I asked you to." His tone reminds him of his demanding and order-doling father. Whatever works, he thinks.

Neither speak for a few moments as Lizzy tries to wrap her head around this 'plan' and her lack of involvement in it. At the same time Dean battles to find the right words.

"Hey, um, you remember what we talked about last time I saw you?" Dean asks, knowing full well she does.

"No I forgot," Lizzy responds with sarcasm, still disturbed and angered by her denied access to the showdown she so badly wants in on. "How could I? Seriously?"

"Could you be nice here? Please? I don't know if this is…" Dean trails off, sighing as he's unable to finish his thought. It was too hard to contemplate if this would actually be the last time they'd talk to one another.

"I'm sorry," she sighs with her behavior. "I am. I'm just really, _really_ scared here. Dean, you have to promise me at least one of you will walk away from this alive. If all three of you…"

"I promise. Trust me. I'll do everything I can," Dean tells her. "I promise as long as you keep your promise."

"What?"

"You told me before I left that if I didn't get out of this contract you'd have a life, you'd stop hunting."

"Right now is not the time…"

"It's now or never, L," Dean interrupts her. "This is it. You tell me you're gonna move on and not hunt."

"I already did before." Lizzy doesn't want this conversation again. Not at all.

"Well, then do it again," Dean asks sternly of her, needing the reassurance.

"I promise," she defiantly grits out. "But you better do your damnedest to come back to me."

"You know I will." Dean breathes deeply. "L, I love you. I don't want you to have to go through that, not at all."

"I love you too," she tells him, trying to bury the lump in her throat deep down.

"And… I wanted to, uh, thank you," Dean nearly trips overs his own words.

"For what?"

"For being who you've been to me," Dean explains. "You have been so insanely understanding and patient and just… good to me. And most of the time I didn't deserve it."

"Dean, c'mon…"

"It's true. You know that it is. You've made my life so much better. You made me feel happy and with my life that should be impossible."

"I hear that," Lizzy says, understanding him fully as he was one of her only bright spots also. "You've kinda done the same for me… minus that whole year of not speaking thing."

"God damn it," Dean complains. "I wasted so much time that could've been used…"

"Stop," Lizzy cuts in. "You did what you thought was right. We already talked about this. I'm not mad and you need to forgive yourself for that. I already have."

"I know," Dean says to her, though he still feels lower then low over the whole thing.

"Alright, I'm gonna push it a little and ask for one more promise for me then," Lizzy says.

"What?"

"If this half-assed, half-cocked, horrible plan doesn't work out and you don't make it back… promise me you won't give in. Those evil sons of bitches are gonna do whatever it takes to turn you into the monster they want you to be. Don't you give them an inch. Not a fucking inch." Lizzy can't keep her fear in check as she feels the tears collecting.

"Don't plan on it," Dean tells her confidently, though his confidence is actually quite fake.

"I mean it. You can't turn into one of them. _Never_."

"Trust me, I don't want to become that," Dean says, remembering his dreamroot trip. That's not at all what he wants and he could never do that to Sam. No matter where he is, he'll always have that need to be strong for his little brother.

"If you do then I won't hesitate, won't even blink if I run across you," Lizzy warns while beginning to cry, claiming she'll do what she must if Dean gets himself turned into one of the demons they fight.

"Because I know for a fact that you _will_ hesitate, I won't give in. Trust that," Dean tells her. He knows for sure that she'd never have what it takes to end him. She froze when it came to Lou, she'd be a mess if it ever came to him. He never wants to put her in that position if he could help it.

Lizzy then hears Sam's voice in the background, asking if he's ready to go. The lump in her throat comes back instantly with the sound. This is it. Last chance to get anything out.

"Ah, L, I…"

"Gotta go," Lizzy finishes for him.

"Yeah," Dean sadly says.

"You do whatever you can to get your ass back here, ok? I expect to see you on my doorstep in a few days, in one piece, with my brother and father in fucking tow." If that doesn't get him doing his best, nothing will. "Understand?"

Dean just sighs with her words. She's holding out more hope than he has left in him.

"I love you," she tells him, tears falling.

"You know I love you too," he responds. "More than anything."

"Then I will see you in a few days," her voice cracks out. The tears flow freely as she pretends to say her temporary goodbye until she sees him soon.

"Yeah, a few days," Dean tells her. "Bye, Lizzy."

"Bye, Dean."

They both hang up and go their separate ways for the next few days. Dean goes off the kill Lilith while Lizzy goes off to live in complete and all-consuming fear and anxiety.

* * *

**_May 18_ _th_ _, 2008_ **

Sam drops the last shovel-full of dirt in place and tosses the heavy metal tool off to the side with fury.

"Fuck!" he screams out into the several tall trees surrounding them with balled up fists. It took hours to get the job done but it's over now. Dean is six feet under in the middle of a random clearing, only a makeshift cross made of rotted logs making the sacred spot that holds his brother's meat suit for when the time comes that he'll need it again.

Sam's alone. It's over, he couldn't save Dean, and now he's by himself in an increasingly scary and dangerous world riddled with evil. He knows he isn't able to do this on his own, he isn't strong enough to. The entire Winchester clan, save for one, is dead and Sam takes on the task of upholding the legendary name all on his own. He looks over at Bobby, the old man looking older than he ever has before, and recognizes just how much the loss is already taking its massive toll on him. Dean was his son for all intents and purposes and no father should ever have to experience burying their kids.

Sam stands tall, the corpse of his kin under his feet, and knows the torment has already undoubtedly begun. With all the demons they've sent packing back into the fire and brimstone there's plenty of payback to be dealt out. Demons were vengeful beings as it was and without provocation. After coming across the Winchesters, they must be chomping at the bit with Dean's arrival. The idea of it makes Sam's blood boil. Furious doesn't even cover it. Lilith needs to die. She needs to suffer for this. And more importantly, Dean needs to come back.

"Sam?" Bobby calls to the man who has been staring down at the freshly disturbed dirt for far too long. He doesn't answer as he didn't even hear Bobby's voice while lost within his own head.

Maybe Sam can make another deal, his soul for Dean's. It's a solid trade really, the demons getting much more out of it. Any evil son of a bitch would be crazy not to make that trade. They'd be getting the supposed head of the demon army. They would be thrilled to make that deal. He'd just need to get some things together to summon a crossroads demon first…

"Son, you with me still?" Bobby asks as he places a comforting hand on the back of Sam's neck and pulls him out of his current train of thought.

"Yeah," Sam tells him with a little jump, though he isn't really sure where his head is at the moment. He does know where his heart is though. It's in the pit with his brother.

"You want me to call her?" Bobby questions, knowing how absolutely awful that conversation is going to be. It'd be much easier on Sam if Bobby let him do it. He wants to do it for Sam's sake.

"No," Sam answers while suddenly moving swiftly, picking up his jacket from the ground and walking quickly with determination to the Impala. He says nothing has he takes the keys out of his pocket and opens the driver's side door.

"Where you going?" Bobby yells over to Sam when he hears the engine start up.

"Massachusetts," Sam shouts back and begins driving, turning up the Metallica tape to full blast. He stops only to gas up and use the restroom, needing to get to her as soon as possible.

* * *

**_May 20_ _th_ _, 2008_ **

Three days. That's how long it's been since she's heard from anyone. Three days of silent torture. Seventy-two hours of lame TV that she doesn't even really register. Four-thousand, three-hundred and twenty minutes of continual whiskey drinking and floor pacing. The anxiety is tearing her apart.

She'd heard from Dean nearly every day since he left three months back. Sometimes she'd have tidbits of information for him, things she picked up on her three month research spree that might maybe be of help in finding a way out of his contract. Other times they spoke of what his latest run in with evil consisted of. Most of the time, however, they talked about nothing in particular. They just needed to connect in whatever way they could, letting one's voice calm and alleviate the other's fears.

She's nervous. Dean would never keep her waiting this long unless he, for whatever reason, couldn't call. The longest he'd gone was three days without contacting her and he'd only done that twice. It was during run-ins with some serious demons usually. This time however, three days was two too many. It's May 20th. His contract was up on the 18th. Dread is all she feels now, all day, all night.

Fed up with not hearing anything, Lizzy picks up her cell one more time and speed dials Bobby, praying for an answer. Before the line rings, however, there is a heavy knock on the door. Her heart jumps into her throat with the sound. She tosses her phone aside onto the couch and runs to the front door, quickly unlocking it and throwing it open, hoping with all her might that Dean would be there waiting for her.

"Sam!" she shouts out with joyful surprise and hugs him. It'd been so long since she'd seen him that instinct takes over. "So good to see you in one piece, Sam-I-Am!" She's been scared to death for both brothers and Bobby after Dean had explained their plan three days ago. Running head first right at Lilith seemed crazy, but if anyone could do it, it was them.

"Where's Dean?" she questions quickly as she moves back from Sam. Her eyes frantically search the front yard, peeking inside the Impala parked in the street, and coming up empty. "Are you alone?" she asks with sudden dread.

Sam stays silent, his expression stern and unwavering, as Lizzy looks up at him, her own expression shifting from hopeful to destroyed.

"Sam…" Lizzy starts, her sadness taking hold quickly. "Why are you alone?"

The tears start falling down her abruptly pale face and Sam just shakes his head no, unable to speak.

"Why are you alone?" Lizzy sobs out again and grabs onto Sam's jacket. She knows the answer already. Dean's in Hell. They couldn't stop it. "No!" she screams out while pressing her face into his chest as she weeps heavily. "Sam, no!"

He's gone. She'll never see him again. He'll never call her with rock songs softly playing and the roaring sound of the Impala in the background. He'll never make indecent comments about her body and what he so badly wants to do to it at the most inappropriate times. He'll never complain about his whiney, pain in the ass little brother to her. Worst of all, he'll never tell her he loves her ever again. The pain is way too much to bear.

"Oh my God, he's fucking gone," she chokes out and steps away from Sam. She collapses to the floor of the foyer, hugging her knees to her chest and continues crying with her head hung low. The strength it took to stand felt like too much. Hell, the strength to live feels like too much. "They're destroying him… right now... Sam! Oh my God!"

Sam takes a seat on the hard wood next to Lizzy. He pulls her into him, letting her head fall into his lap and he runs his hand through her hair, trying his best to calm her though he knows it's completely impossible to do so.

"What do I do now?" she sobs out and Sam again stays silent. They ask themselves the same daunting question. With Dean gone, with knowing every day he's suffering in ways neither can possibly imagine, what _do_ they do now?

"I'm gonna get him back," Sam says sternly as the first tears he's shed since he found his brother dead begin to fall. He _will_ get Dean back… or he will die trying.

Lizzy lies across the floor sobbing, the deep pit in her chest growing by the minute. The one person she loved more than anything, maybe even her own self, is gone. She can't even begin to fathom the horrendous things happening to him right that moment. The life he lived doesn't merit the punishment he experiences now. Pain isn't a strong enough word to explain what she feels as her other half, her better half as far as she's concerned, is being completely dismantled in the most horrific way possible and there's not a damn thing she can do about it.

Helplessness and complete despair take over as Sam and Lizzy attempt to come to terms with the situation. Lizzy clutches tightly to Sam's jacket once more and he pries one of her hands free to link it into his own.

It hurts like hell, but at least now, right in this moment, they weren't alone in their mourning.


End file.
